It's a self preservation thing
by laisvega
Summary: What do you do when you're all alone and your gender's not taken seriously? What do you do when you look for shelter and all you find is abuse? You lose yourself. You realize that the dead are not the only ones you have to fight with, but the demons inside you too.
1. Chapter 1: Free

**A/N: I know many people dislike stories narrated in first person. But in this case it's for the purpose of the story. Believe me.**

**You'll find out why...**

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 1: FREE<strong>

- Gunshot -

It immediately woke me up. Again. _What? _I stood up and walked closer to the window. I wiped the dust covering the glass and gasped. The ocean of rotten bodies shambling down the streets was bigger today than it was before. A faster figure was making it's way away from the forgotten tank in the middle of the street. I believed it was a guy dressed up in sheriff clothing running and shooting at walkers, nonstop.

"Moron," I shook my head. I paid attention to the path this officer went, shooting at every geek on his way. "Damn it. Is this guy new or wha'?! I'll never get outta here." With every gunshot, he drew the walker's attention away from the tank and to him, to the alley he apparently ran to. I figure he was really new in the city, for everyone hiding in Atlanta knew most alleys were blocked.

When the guy disappeared I grabbed my backpack, which was settled besides my sleeping bag on the floor, and headed to the rooftop of the building I was crashing in for better view. "Who would've known yer damn scout-backpack would eventually be useful lil' sis." I mocked while running. No answer.

I pulled out a lantern from my bag and cautiously opened the staircase doors; I tightened my grip around the butt of the axe in my left. I quietly stood waiting for any type of sound, once I was glad it was dead quiet around I climbed the stairs all the way to the rooftop. When I got there my eyes immediately flew to the building up front. There were more people, one of them played sniper. "You've gotta be kiddin' me. How on earth 'm I supposed ta leave this hell hole with all the noise this dumbasses are makin'?!"

I sat on the ground and pulled a pack of sweet cookies. I waited, for didn't know what my next move would be, after the shooting on the street all the walking corpses had come to the party. I would be stuck in the city for who knew how long. I looked up ahead again. I caught sight of the officer, next to him I could make out the shape of a chubby man. I looked up to the sky and saw a storm getting closer. I scoffed and looked back to that building; I saw two more people, a blonde woman and a black person. "Come on! Leave!" I impatiently shooed them away.

Suddenly I heard some noises around me. I stood up apprehensively and stepped away from the rooftop door. I pushed my bag a few feet away to get more space and waited. The door slowly opened and what at first was a moan, it became a choir. Five pairs of feet stumbled their way out to the rooftop. _Fuck! _I let out a helpless breath and quickly looked around. The people in the building were gone and my only way out was through the geeks or jump.

The rotting bodies shuffled towards me arms stretched to take hold of my beanpole body; I waved the axe and cut one of the geek's arm off. I laughed ballistic and ran to one side of the roof; the next door building was too far to make a jump for it, the other one was ever farther. _Gotta make yer way through. _I let out three quick breaths and ran towards my bag; I dodged the walkers and waved my ax only when necessary. I got to the door and without a second thought I ran down the stairs to the room I slept in. _Safer._ The geeks followed behind. _Time to pull out a stunt bud. _I looked over my shoulder and half smiled when my plan was worked. I slowed down my pace and breathed in deeply; I immediately turned and embedded the axe in the fastest geek's head. I shot a glance at the upcoming walkers and turned around again.

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><p>"They're gone?" I cheerfully asked to myself once I got back to the rooftop. <em>Ugh. Smells like wet dog. <em>I didn't see anyone, I walked to the edge of the building and looked down at the street, there were less walkers; I looked to my right and saw a bunch of them running towards a fence. _How come I never grabbed binoculars? How stupid are ya?_ I walked towards the fire escape ladder and half smiled at the sight of a clear path. All I needed was to get out of the city. A loud noise caught my attention and I ran back to the front side of the building, I saw a red sports car speeding down the street, I nodded amazed. _Let's give 'em credit._

A few moments later a van followed the car. _Missed them. _I followed the van with my eyes until I lost sight of it. I looked down at the street and realized this was the time to flee. I turned towards the ladder when a loud holler made me freeze.

_Da fuck? _I slowly turned around and carefully paid attention to everything around me to locate the source. _More people?_ I looked at the building where the officer and his friends were. _Didn't they leave?_ "Oh no. No, no, no, no," I shook my head when it came to mind. "Fuckin' bastards left someone behin'?!"

I still had a few hours of sunlight so I had to get moving. I wouldn't be able to help the man and leave the city the same day. It all depended on the condition that person was in. It was one or the other. "Fuck." I cursed when the best part of me won. I climbed down the stairs as fast as I could and crossed the street, chopped off the heads of some stranded walkers with my axe before it got stuck in one of them. _Shit. Shit, shit, shit. _I colorfully cursed while trying to free it. Due to my beautiful habit of never letting go I kept on trying to pull the axe off the geek's head. I realized it was a lost cause when the moans around got louder. I rolled on my back, quickly stood up and ran as far from the noises as possible. Defenseless I waved my backpack only when the walkers were too close.

- Ya hear me! -

The killing slowed me down and the man kept screaming so I decided to dodge the upcoming walkers and get to that building faster. I quickly climbed the fire escape ladders of the building where the yelling came from. When I finally got to the roof I looked for the man "Hey!" I hissed. I looked at the door and saw walkers piling up, pushing it. "The fuck is ya?" I said a bit louder and I saw an arm waving. I ran towards it and saw a man, handcuffed.

_Oh my God. Seriously, what's wrong with people? _"Sheriff, others won' have the guts to handcuff this man," I spat disgusted. I wiped my sweat with the back of my left hand and dropped my bag to have more movement. The man looked up when he heard my voice, eyes wide with fear. He let out a loud sigh of relief. "Da fuck happened to you man?" I asked. I was bewildered, after all this time and all the people I met I've never seen this kind of acting.

"Stupi' officer friendly han'cuffed me," he answered. _Hillbilly. _"Can ya git me free?" Some sort of hope in his voice, he handed the saw. "Door won' hol' on much." He turned to face the door and I followed. There were about six walkers moaning and pushing against it.

"Sure..." I approached him; I knelt by his side and grabbed the saw. First I tried cutting the metal bar. Nothing. "So, ya were the sum' bitch playin' sniper, huh?" I commented sarcastically. Breaking the metal pipe would've taken days. I looked at the man's appearance, leather vest, tank top, dog tags. _He'll sure as hell fin' ou'. _

Moans got louder and louder, and the prisoner was growing impatient. "Hurry up, bitch." He shouted, then calmed down knowing I was doing my best. "Try the cuffs." Nothing. He started pulling, and I sawed faster to see if one of them gave up. I shook my head.

I breathed in and looked at the guy, my eyes flickered from his handcuffed hand to the saw. By the look on his face he knew what I meant. "Gon' make ya a tourniquet," I ordered and he nodded. "Migh' bleed less tha' way..." He didn't hesitate and handed his belt. Trust issues weren't useful at the moment. "Take this." I said as I pulled my bag closer and pulled out a towel. He raised it to his mouth and bit it.

Cutting the flesh wasn't hard, it was gross. Shivers ran up and down my spine every time I moved the saw back and forth. I had to stop and give the poor bastard a break every now and then. I waited for his nod to continue.

"I'm done. It's on you now." I gave him a reassuring nod and stood up. He looked at me and nodded. We both took a loud deep breath. I looked up to the sky, didn't want to know how he'd do it. The noise we heard next was more painful than anything else I have ever experienced.

Like a twig. Snap.

The man screamed like never before, I looked down and saw tears rolling down his face. Again. "Come on!" he cried. "Break!" The rush of adrenaline kept him pushing, feeling of survival.

"Saw?" I muttered.

He raised his head and stared at me for a while, bewildered. "Go on." he replied, his voice full of fear. I knelt back down. Killing walkers never made me feel as sick as that moment. I was tortured him; I sawed as fast as possible to get it over with. Suddenly the activity turned harder, every time I moved the saw the whole arm moved with it. I looked at the man and found out he had passed out. I tucked the towel in his mouth. _Now or never._ I grabbed his forearm with one hand and clasped his right hand with my left. I let out three quick breaths and broke the remaining bones in his wrist. As soon as they broke I jumped away and looked at the man, his eyes wide open like those of an owl and his chest heaved. _Poor guy musta paid all his sins out 'ere._

"I'll getcha outta here."


	2. Chapter 2: Someday

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 2: SOMEDAY**

"Let's git the hell outta here 'cause door ain't lastin'." I said pointing and the moaning door. He struggled to stand up, so I grabbed the closest tool from the box and stood beside the man in case he lost balance. _No time for the rest. _I wrapped his left arm around my shoulder and my right around his waist. I was rather petite next to him.

"We gotta stop this…" he raised his handless arm. _How? What can we do to stop it?_ We slowly jogged towards the side of the rooftop. I looked down the fire escape and saw some walkers. I cursed and turned us around, my left hand over his chest.

"Come on, come on," I chastised myself for being slow. I tried to focus on the rooftop past the moans and the semi-conscious guy I was holding. "Here." I adjusted his weight and we walked towards a bridge that connected two building's rooftops.

We quietly stepped inside the next door building, walked through the aisles and checked in every room for something to close the wound or at least cauterize it. I heard a few steps, irregular ones and I stopped walking. The very particular moans made me realize there were walkers inside too. "Hey, hey," I patted the man's chest. "Wake up, there's walkers," I unwrapped his arm and he stood up properly. "Don' kno' how many. I need ya awake now." I handed him the tool I stole and reached into my backpack to look for anything useful. Nothing but clothing and some supplies. _Damn it. _I looked to my side and noticed the man was gone. A loud thud got my attention and I took a step back. I stood there in silence and some minutes later walked into the room. I half expected to see the man on the floor being eaten by walkers but instead, I saw two geeks on the floor, smashed.

"Damn," I nodded surprised. "'m impressed." He grinned. I wiped the sweat off my forehead with my sleeve and checked out the room. After a while we heard more moans, getting louder by the second. "Lemme ge' this one," I said grabbing the wrench from his left hand. I played with it and tightened my grip around its butt with my left. I turned one last time to the man, "You chill. Passin' out 's no' good." Eliminating the walkers with nothing but a wrench took me a little longer than him. Once I was done we kept on searching.

"Hey, bud," I called at the door and he stepped inside the room. "We gotta hole up 'ere. Gotta gi' sum sleep y'kno'." The man looked at the darkness outside and agreed. I took a look around, at what used to be a conference room. I closed the doors just in case and dropped my bag to seal it. "How's the pain?" I tilted my head. I noticed the wound bled less, so I believed he might make it through the night.

"Bitchin'," he spat as he ripped the cushions of a chair.

"'ere," I threw a bottle of pills at him. He raised his head and grabbed it confused. "'s fer the pain. Take i'."

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><p>First glimpse of light and we were back on our feet. "Hey, I found this," he said moments after we entered some sort of kitchen. I followed his voice and my eyes opened wide at the sight of a stove. <em>Holy shit. <em>"Look," He pointed, "Ya thin' it migh' still work?"

"Nothin' else?" I asked a bit disgusted at the thought of what we'd do with it.

"Naw," he answered shortly. He sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "Gotta git over i' now. Can' be worse than out there." I nodded. He tried to get the stove to work; after a few attempts he gave up so I tucked my hand in a pocket and pulled out a silver lighter. I threw it at him and he started the fire. He threw the lighter back at me and nodded. We stood silent, staring at the shining piece of metal heating.

After the piece of metal was red enough I grabbed it and turned to him. "Ok- Imma- Imma push this to yer wris'... Stan' still 'k?" I ordered. "Towel?" He put it in his mouth and stepped firmly on the floor. We pushed. He bit the towel, tears losing themselves between sweat. I scrunched my face at the smell. Once it was over he dropped himself on the floor, I mirrored. I rested my head on the furniture behind. The man had lost too much blood; he was in no condition to survive this way.

"Ya need blood," I said after I recovered my breath. "Or rest… Lay low fer awhile."

"Would ya gimme sum?" He smiled and rested his head on the wall.

"I would. Bu' there's no stuff 'ere," I massaged my left knee. After all the running it was started to hurt. "'s a damn office."

He looked around and breathed in deeply. "Fuck, Imma loo' 'roun' later. Jus' gimme a secon' and I'll be fine." We sat in silence for some hours, both too disturbed to chat. I pulled my bag closer and opened one of the side pockets. I grabbed the pack of pills I had and sorted out. I raised my eyes and caught the man staring intently at the bottles of pills on the ground.

"We gotta get goin'," I stood up and tucked the bottles back in the pocket, leaving some out. The man stood up, helped by the wall behind him. I looked back down at the pills and grabbed them. "'ere. One of each."

"Join me?" He offered and stretched his hand. It was a dangerous question. I stared at his hand for a while and instead put the pills in it.

"Naw, thanks man," I waved a hand and adjusted the backpack on my shoulder. "Don' need me no more..." I shrugged. "Ya'll be fine."

He half smiled and tucked the pills in his pockets. My eyes followed as he walked towards a window and looked down. Broke it and stepped outside. "Why?" he questioned as his head popped back inside the room.

"Same reason anyone would've done i' before the en' of tha world... Plus," I ran a hand through my short hair. "Someday… Someone, anyone migh' do the sam' thin' fer me."

"No one would've done i' fer a bastard redneck like me," he instantly replied. "Bu' thanks man."

I half smiled and waved, "'till we meet again." He nodded and tapped the windowsill twice. And like that, he was gone.

I sat back down on the floor, trying to figure out what to do next. I needed weapons. Swinging my backpack or grabbing whatever I found close around wouldn't last forever. I stood up and bit my lip. I took a tour around the building, stepping inside every room in every floor to find something. _Useless._ The building had clearly been looted before, so there were no weapons or forgotten canned food left behind. Not even clothing or another axe. _Ok. So next door it is. _I went back to the rooftop were I had found the guy. Silence.

"Check it out. Green light." I commented sarcastically. I walked to the front of the building and looked down to the street; there were more geeks staggering around. I headed to the rooftop's door and tried to open it. I raised my brows at the sight of a chain around the handle. It was thicker than the metal piece the man was handcuffed to, so not even the saw would break it. "Damn it."

I climbed down the fire escape ladder and entered the convenience store at the base of the building. I carefully walked around the store after I noticed the main door's glass was broken. I headed towards the men's clothing department and grabbed pants, baggy T-shirts, some button up shirts, socks, and underwear. I shot a glance outside and saw a car with no geeks around._ Come on, come on be useful. Tools, tools. _

I wrapped a cloth around my left hand and broke the car's window, hoping its alarm won't ring. It didn't, without a second thought I slid in and l rummaged inside. Nothing. I looked outside, quickly stepped out and I opened the trunk. "Please, please, please." I begged. The only things I found were a crowbar and rope. I sighed loudly pissed off but took them nonetheless. In defeat I automatically returned to the office building, a safer place.

Once back in the building's kitchen I heard some noises and quickened my pace. I bit the inside of my cheek and walked apprehensively while my grip around the crowbar tightened.

"Merle!" A man with thick southern accent yelled. _Merle?_ I quietly followed the voice. Then I heard a thud.

"What's that?" There was another person.

"Skin." A third voice spoke. I cursed inwardly. I listened and slowly walked closer to them when I accidentally bumped a desk. _Fuck, fuck. Shit it hurts. _I quickly raised my head to see if they had heard it too.

A gun barrel was pressed to my forehead.


	3. Chapter 3: Alone

_Italics: OC'S thoughts_

**CHAPTER 3: ALONE**

"Seriously man," I raised my hands and the crowbar fell. "Jus' chill, ain' dead." I said nervously when the gun barrel wasn't lowered down. The owner hesitated for a moment then lowered it. I turned my head to face the newcomers and scoffed sarcastically at the sight. _Guess sheriff's back._

"Who are you?" The man politely commanded as he placed the gun back in its holster. I shot quick glances at the rest of the people around.

"The hell are ya?" I tilted my head challenging and crossed my arms. "I ain' givin' ou' ma name jus' 'cause ya ask fer i'."

"That's Glenn, T-Dog. Name's Rick an—" He showed.

"So ya're the bastard tha' han'cuffed tha' dude ta the pipe. Ain' cha?" I cut him off and accused with malice. I immediately turned to face the unidentified fourth man in the room when he pushed himself from the wall and approached me.

"That's Daryl." The officer continued after my interruption.

"Kno' ma brother?" The hick glared and slowly walked towards me. He had some wild appearance I concluded.

"Brother?" I spat and raised my brows shocked. "So you sum bitch also left 'im there?!" I fully faced the redneck and shook my head in disgust.

"You outta yer stupi' mind?" He raised two fingers to his right temple as he stepped even closer to me. I kept my position and slightly raised my head to face him, my hand turned into a fist. "Fuckin' sons of bitches jus' go' ta camp and tol' me ma brother go' left behin'."

I turned to face the other three men and waved my hand frantically. "What's wrong with ya people?" I was really surprised by the behavior of this people, I had never encountered something like it.

"D'ya know what happened ta him?" the black guy spoke. "We found his hand." He pointed at the Asian boy's backpack.

"Y'all don' even deserve a hand," I said sarcastically. I looked at the broken window. "He got out." I looked back at the men and caught the Asian kid staring at me, kind of fearful. His face switched to disgust when the hand was mentioned. I checked out his appearance, we were both around the same height, same built.

"'n' would you tell us how," The officer spoke civil but with little patience. "Still don't know who you are—"

"Matt." I spat coldly and faced him. "Well since y'all bitches decided ta turn inta the wors' kinda people I met 'till now..." I shifted in my place. "I decided ta be a damn human bein' an' save his ass."

I looked straight into everyone's eyes and realized the sheriff, the Asian kid and the black man couldn't believe a single word I said. The redneck's brother let out a deep breath and gave me a small nod.

"And– and why didn't ya go with him?" The Asian boy asked as he looked around uneasy.

"Oh. Do I have to?" I cocked my head to the side sarcastically. "Didn' even kno' who he was an' suddenly I had ta follow his ass ta save mine?" I ran my left hand over my nape and sighed loudly. I looked down and shook my head. _Obnoxious._

"Fine," The sheriff raised his hand at me. "Do you at least know where he went?" He looked at the broken window.

"Nope," I shrugged. "He ain' ma problem no more." I walked around the kitchen and turned to the men every now and then. "The hell brings y'all 'ere? Yer losin' dayligh'."

"We were actually looking for the man we left behind," the sheriff spoke as a matter of fact. "We only have one other task in town then we'll leave you."

I saw form the corner of my eye the redneck pacing around impatiently. "Nice chattin', now can we go?" They gathered around and I took a step away from them. The sheriff shot a glance at me and I raised my hands and remained in place. They argued and I looked away from them, still hoping to find something useful in the kitchen.

I immediately turned to them when they mentioned the bag of guns. _As if._ "I'm in." I volunteered nonchalantly. They all nodded. I watched as the Asian kid cleared the floor with his feet and looked around, searching for something. "Need sumthin' ta write?" I asked and pulled a marker out of my bag.

"Why'd keep tha' sorta things?" The black guy asked confused.

"Situations like this…" I added sarcastically and threw the marker to the Asian boy. He sketched the city on the floor, he knew the town like the back of his hand.

"Hey kid, what'd you do before all this?" The hick asked. I looked intently at the floor.

"Deliver pizzas, why?" The Asian answered. Like no big deal. _Fair enough. _"You go with Rick," he raised his left hand at me.

"Why?" I didn't understand his conclusion and knelt down. "Won' i' be better if I go with ya 'n' him?" I pointed at Daryl with my chin. "More backup."

"No," He shook his head. "His crossbow's enough and more silent. I need you with Rick 'cause he's trigger happy," Rick stood up offended. "His gun's loud and your crowbar would be easier."

"Ya kno' yer business man..." I raised my hands defeated and stood up. It was agreed that after this stunt, we'd meet here again. I dropped my bag and hid it under a table, pulled the crowbar out and played with it until everyone was ready to go.

We all gave reassuring nods and split up, I followed the back man through the aisles over to our assigned alley. "Why are you on yer own?" The sheriff asked as we made our way, some concern in his voice.

"Shi' got ugly with the las' group, so I lef'." I replied over my shoulder. I well knew how to work myself out of these questions. I was asked the same things plenty of times by now.

"Walkers?" The black man wondered as we ducked every now and then.

"Naw," I replied shortly. My teeth clenched. "None o' yer business people."

"How long?" They sure wanted to chatter when it was the time to remain quiet.

I sighed. "Dunno. I stumbled 'pon others bu' never stayed fer lon'. Go' some trust issues by now." I replied honestly. We had made it to the alley and I slowed my pace, the sheriff and the black man walked almost side to side. "Wha' 'bout yer people?" I asked from the rear and watched as they both shot glances at each other.

"We got a group," The sheriff replied as he turned to face me. "Ma wife and son are there."

I nodded and walked normally once again. _Met kids 'fore can take a shot once again. _"Jus' you guys and yer families?" I inquired, sorting out the odds.

"Naw," The black man bitterly spoke and lowered his head. I raised a brow and bit my lip. "There are few ones tha' managed to save their 'ntire family. Some still have siblings, or friends… And some only go' themselves."

"You?" I asked and looked away from them, my eyes fixated on the street ahead. I turned to face the man when he didn't reply. His eyes locked on mine, he closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Guess tha' makes us two." I nodded and sniffed.

"Family—"

- Ayudenme! -

_Huh?_ We shot confused glances at each other and immediately ran to where the others were. Some vato was screaming.

The person yelled again and we sped up. _Don' people know nothin' by now? _When we got there we noticed the redneck took hold of a kid and was about to beat him when the officer jumped and stopped him.

"I'm gonna kick your nuts up your throat!" the hick yelled furious as he tried to break the grip from the sheriff. I turned to face the new kid and snorted when I realized he was about to cry, he was frightened.

"Da hell happened?!" I asked as I took hold of the fence with the crowbar and faced the redneck.

"They took Glenn. Lil' bastard and his friends," He fumed. "I'm gonna stomp yer ass!"

I looked at the frightened boy again. _Wuss deserves it. _"'s go! Now!" I screamed when I realized I had lost the battle on the fence. Too many walkers swarmed around.


	4. Chapter 4: Jump

_Italics: OC'S thoughts_

**CHAPTER 4: JUMP**

I wasn't strong enough to hold the fence any longer so we had to run away from there. We headed back to the office building. Once inside we tried to understand what had happened back in the alley. Rick sat the boy in a chair and interrogated the newcomer, while the kid played rebel.

"You're the one who jumped me puto." He spat challenging. I stood there analyzing Rick while he planned something in his head. Daryl stepped in and questioned the boy. "Wha' kind of hick name is tha'?" The boy mocked at the mention of the hillbilly I freed. "Wouldn' even name my dog Merle." That comment bothered me even though I didn't know that man. I saved his life. I turned to the kid and made my way to smash my fist in his face. I caught Daryl doing the same from the corner of my eye. I would have succeeded if it wasn't for Rick and T-Dog who stopped us.

"Damn it Daryl back off. You too Matt." Rick extended a hand to calm us down. Daryl turned to me and I faced him, he looked amazed at my reaction. I rolled my eyes to Glenn's backpack. He took the hint and walked towards the bag; he pulled out Merle's forgotten hand out and glanced at me. I bit my lip and turned around to hide a laugh. The kid let out a whimper and I couldn't help and turned around. The boy freaked out and Daryl took advantage of it to threaten him again.

Rick pulled Daryl away; I inhaled deeply to cover my laughter. I raised an arm to stop Daryl from pouncing over me; he looked over his shoulder and moved. I looked at the kid, not being able to hide his fear anymore. I was surprised by how civil Rick still was after all the havoc we caused. He calmly spoke to the boy as we all watched.

* * *

><p>We carefully made our way to the abandoned deposit the boy led us to. Once there we sat and T-Dog put the bag of guns on the ground, Rick sorted out and gave T-Dog a sniper rifle and handed me a shotgun.<p>

"Sure you're up for this?" Rick raised his head and faced T-Dog. He nodded. "Know how to use it?" Rick turned to me.

"If videogames load guns the righ' way, then yeah," I stared at the shotgun ahead. "Why d'ya thin' I stuck with a crowbar?" I admitted sheepishly. Daryl snorted. "Hey!" I warned and pointed my finger at his face. "Never needed one… 'm fast, no' big. I easily sneak anywhere. Plus, guns're loud." I said as a matter of fact.

"Ok." Rick nodded and offered the shotgun again. I snatched it from his hands visibly pissed off. "It's loaded."

Rick and the boy talked about some Guillermo, and about him being the leader of their group. We walked apprehensively, looking around for any threat. I looked up to my left and saw T-Dog already in position. I got a few steps behind in case things got bad. Figured they wouldn't shoot the kid, he being one of them. So I would have the chance to fight back. _If I jus' knew how._ The large maroon doors ahead opened. A black/Mexican man appeared. The kid begged for his life and talked about Merle's hand. More men came out and one of them recognized Daryl. While they argued I counted how many people were inside by the figures I could make out, thought about how bad our odds were in case the negotiation didn't work. _Hope T-Dog's aim's good. Stupi' Daryl 'n' his crossbow. No' use if any slaughter begins. _At least five or six, at first sight, it was dark inside so I couldn't make out any more. No matter what, the odds weren't in our favor. The guy, Guillermo, called out loudly and looked up. I followed and saw Glenn. Everything wen't downhill after it. I shook my head in disappointment when the negotiation failed.

We went back to the office building, I watched as the boy sat on the floor and stayed there quiet, defeated after being rejected by his people. I snorted with malice and paced around biting my lip.

"Guns're worth more than gold," Daryl said. I turned to face him and saw Rick was sorting the guns from the bag. "Gold won' protect yer family or put food on yer table... You gon' give that up for tha' kid?"

"He's right," I pointed out from my place besides T-Dog. "Man, I may not kno' how ta use 'em– bu' guns're the only thing that's gon' make us survive this shi'. He worth it?"

I stared as Rick loaded the guns while we tried to bring some sense into him. "You part o' this?" Daryl chastised the boy, Miguel, when he spoke up. Rick calmly loaded the guns ignoring our words. He then confessed that Glenn had saved his life. I raised my brows. _Ok._

"You two should get out, head back to camp." Rick said to T-Dog and Daryl as he worked with the guns.

"Ye guys can go... I'll help 'im." I tilted my head at Rick. He shot a thankful glare at me and I nodded.

"And tell your family what?" T-Dog let out an exasperated breath. Daryl looked at Rick, nodded in agreement and grabbed a gun.

"Oh come on, this is nuts." the kid said desperately. I rolled my eyes at him, praying to get a chance to hit him.

"Down kid." I ordered Miguel with a thick accent as Daryl pointed his finger to the floor.

I watched them get the guns ready and copied their actions. We headed back to the deposit, this time we stepped inside. At least twenty more men were inside, they tried to threaten us. Rick took aim and we all raised our weapons. We were ready to fire when an old lady came screaming. She spoke to one of the men holding a gun. I shot a glance at T-Dog and he stared at me. _The hell's this woman doin' 'ere?_ Rick talked to the old woman and mentioned Glenn; she recognized him and instantly took Rick away. I raised a brow at T-Dog and we followed them.

She led us to a nursing home. _Holy shit._ I slowly nodded in astonishment while we walked through the aisle. There was Glenn, standing with a group of people.

"Though' ya were bein' eaten by dogs, man." T-Dog spat and Glenn turned to show some Chihuahuas. I scoffed and looked around for Daryl. I caught him look down, disappointment in his face and turned to face Rick as he separated the leader. I stood there and watched the old people, I felt all the guilt of the world on my shoulders. _Don' judge a book by its cover, huh?_

Guillermo led us to another room and talked about what they had done, how they had managed to survive and help the old ones. He mentioned the type of people they'd encountered so far. The second he talked about them my grip tightened and painful memories flashed through my head, since I had met some myself. I listened until I couldn't take it anymore so I stormed outside to calm down.

Once they all came back out I followed them. We carefully walked away from the nursing home. Past the office building we holed up. And then I stopped midway. When I realized they were heading back to their camp. I stood in silence and watched them walk away. _Should I turn 'roun' and run? _I stared at the shotgun in my hand. It was useless for me. _Should I drop it and take off? _I bit the inside of my cheek and ran a hand through my self-cut hair.

"Ya can come with us y'kno'," Rick said with a hoarse voice and I raised my head to look at him. "You stood long enough... Could've walked away a while ago."

"It ain' tha' easy man, I've been 'ere 'fore. By now, I'm just one tough act to follow," I shrugged. "What makes ya think ya can trust me?" I tested him.

"After what you did for me today…" He looked to the side, then back at me again. "I'll take that shot." He reassured. I let a confident snort and joined them. We walked a few more feet and stared at an empty spot.

"The hell's our van?" Daryl asked and I looked around for any left marks.

"Who would take it?" Glenn innocently commented. _Boy knows nothin' 'bou' this world. _I shook my head.

"Merle." Rick said bitterly and I caught him glare at me. I shrugged, turned away from him and half smiled sarcastically. After a while of mindless debate about losing daylight and getting another van we decided on running all the way back.

On our way we heard a loud scream and we hurried. We stepped out of the woods and I saw chaos. Walkers all over the place, people fighting for their lives while chunks of skin were ripped off of them; Some people being eaten, others running for their lives. _Holy crap. So presentations ain' gon' be tonigh'._

I smashed a walker's head with my crowbar when it got too close. Out of instinct I hit those things in the head and pushed defenseless people behind me towards the big RV lying atop the hill. I saw a walker sneak up on Daryl so I jumped on its back and smashed its head. Daryl abruptly turned around and jumped away. I wiped my face with my sleeve and he nodded.

When it was over everyone stood there, shocked. I looked around and saw a frantic Glenn, almost breaking. I saw mothers cover their children's eyes so they won't see. And then I heard a sob. I covered my face with my hand and moved to get a view of the situation, then I saw it. A blonde woman was holding another, dead. A big chunk of her arm was missing.

"Amy! Amy!" she cried.

"I remember my dream now…" a looked at a man with a baseball cap. "Why I dug the holes…"

_I guess fittin' in will be kinda hard after this._


	5. Chapter 5: Shrink

_Italics: OC'S thoughts_

**CHAPTER 5: SHRINK**

I looked around camp, tents were torn, bodies scattered around. It was a complete and utter mess. I watched the people; they were all hurt. Dirty. Shocked. I didn't know how to react. I was blank.

"And who are ya?" A thick southern voice spoke in the darkness.

I figured out he was talking to me since I was probably the only new one. I turned to look at whoever said that. "Me?" I raised my free hand to my chest.

"Yeah," A tall man stepped forward and approached. I checked out his appearance, curly hair, police clothing.

I looked away from him at the mess and shortly spat, "Matt." I dropped my bag from my shoulders and cracked my neck.

"We found him," I heard Rick step up. "He could've left but he didn't." I bit the inside of my cheek at the sudden loyalty his statement contained.

"Do ya at least know where he's from?" The tall man continued. "He could belon' ta anyone 'n' come ta steal." That statement was something I didn't like. I agreed, the man had his suspicions, I was a newcomer and it was his group. But my temper always got the best of me.

I turned at the dirty man, offended. "Who the hell d'ya think ya are?" I tilted my head challenging. "Ya kno' ma name… The man told ya he foun' me. Tol' ya I could've left– Fuck I could've killed 'em if I fuckin' wanted ta," I let out a loud sigh. "Ain' none of yer business ta kno' where I come from... Don' matter no more." I bitterly pointed out the last phrase. My hand turned into a fist out of habit, my 5'9'' was nothing against his 6' but I wouldn't stand small. I glared at the man, he looked exhausted. I slightly shook my head.

He raised his hands in defeat and turned to Rick instead. "I'm tired man," His voice cracked at the end while he ran a hand through his face and hair. "Imma go sleep." He walked away and I looked around, the others slowly did the same.

I stood there in the middle of the mess, lost. I never faced a situation like this. I looked for tall buildings or two-story houses to sleep; I even encouraged other groups to do the same, so I never needed a tent. I reached into my bag and pulled out my sleeping bag. _Ok. After yer lil' act things're only gettin' worse. _"Shit." I cursed as I looked around at the people's retreating backs._ Come on, come on. I need a place ta sleep._ I looked ahead to the people's tents to see if they were big enough. I caught Rick heading to a big tent with a woman and a kid, turned to find T-Dog get inside a one-manned tent, and Glenn step inside another.

I almost decided on climbing atop the huge RV on the hill and call it a night when a thought came into my mind. _Redneck._ I turned around and searched for Daryl, I found him stomping his way to a tent far away from the rest of the group. I grabbed my bag and followed him. He then came to a halt, but didn't turn to face me. I waited behind him, about five feet away. I didn't expect him to talk but still stood still in case he felt like it. He didn't. "Hey man," I began sheepishly. "Mind if I crash?" I didn't want to be annoying and play the 'I saved your brother' card, so I went straight to the point. He stood still, even in the dark I could see his muscles stiffen. He shook his head and kept walking.

Once we reached the tent he stepped inside and I popped my head. He showed me were his brother's cot was and then lied down in his sleeping bag. I carefully moved the cot and stretched my sleeping bag. "Ain' usin' it?" Daryl muttered, I raised my head and saw his eyes were fixated on the cot.

"Ain' mine." I looked back down and neatly placed my bag and crowbar in a corner. "Ya migh' as well use i'... Guess yer brother ain' gon' be back." He growled. I was ready to dodge any punches from him. I felt like I deserved after my disrespectful statement. _Ya prolly don' wanna believe tha' bu' ya'll jus' have ta... Man I'd be mad too if ma family also left me with some strangers. _"Thanks." I halfheartedly replied. I smelled disgusting but I was too tired to have a shower and felt it was out of place to ask after what had just happened.

* * *

><p>The next morning I woke up early, relaxed. I looked to my side and found Daryl still sleeping. I grabbed my sleeping bag and left the tent. I tucked the sleeping bag in my backpack; I scratched my messy self-cut hair and walked towards the burning ashes. I looked around and noticed a man atop the RV, apart from him, no one else was awake. I sat on a fallen log and lost track of time. I thought about what I was supposed to do now, I sorted the odds on leaving or staying. I had encountered other camps like this one in the past, other survivors, with kids, and things still managed to go wrong, awfully wrong. I raised my head every now and then and noticed that people were waking up, but no one approached me.<p>

"Morning," Rick said and I lifted my head to meet him. "I'll be back." I nodded and stared at the ashes.

A while later I heard some footsteps but I didn't react to them. "Hi," a female voice spoke "I'm Carol." I raised my head and half smiled at her, appreciating the gesture.

"I'm Matt," I wiped my dirty hands on my jeans and offered it. "Nice to meet ya." She was taken aback by my husky voice.

"Did you eat something?" She politely asked as she sat next to me.

"Yeah," I looked away from her to the RV and the rest of the land. "Had a granola bar form my bag... Don' worry 'bou' me." My answer was completely automatic. I heard another set of footsteps and slightly raised my head; the brunette greeted us with a nod at us and sat next to Carol. I followed the brunette's eyes and noticed the blonde woman still remained on the ground with the dead girl.

"I'm Lori–" The brunette muttered after a while, I nodded without facing her and cut her off.

"Who's tha'?" I pointed with my chin and looked at Carol and the brunette.

"That's Andrea," Lori replied shortly and looked down at her boot covered feet. "Her sister… She was bit yesterday." I looked at the lifeless body lying on the ground besides the RV.

"Amy," I noticed form the corner of my eye both women abruptly turned to face me. "She kept screamin' i' in between sobs…"

"Morning ladies," I looked up and saw an old man with a fishing hat holding a sniper rifle. "And…" The man trailed off as he looked at me.

"Matt, name's Matt." I jumped in and raised a brow.

"I'm Dale," He extended his free hand and I gave a short shook. I stared at the gun on his back. I always had a fascination with sniper rifles and shotguns, but never had the chance to learn how to shoot. I lowered my head and looked at the blonde girl. Andrea. "Why are you on your own?" Dale asked out of nowhere. I raised my brows and let out a sarcastic breath. _Gotta see it comin'._

I breathed in loud and deep. My teeth clenched when painful memories flashed through my head. "Better this way." I replied bitterly and stared at the ashes.

"This?" he asked without sitting down. The interrogation was getting on my nerves, but I tried to remain civil. "You're leavin'?"

"Not now," I shrugged without looking at him. "Y'all guys didn' give me no reaso' ta leave, yet. Do ya want me ta?" I raised my head and looked straight to his eyes.

"Oh no," He shook his hands. "You stuck by us last night… I'm thankful for that." He gave a reassuring nod.

"'s wha' people do." I answered with a thick accent. I ran a hand through the back of my head.

"And your fam—" Dale was cut off by another guy. I scoffed and tried to hide a smile at my luck.

"She ain't movin'?" The man asked. I recognized his voice; I didn't move nor gave a hint of a reply to him. "Mornin'." Shortly after, I felt something heavy on my shoulder; I looked up and saw the tall dirty man's palm. "Shane..." he said and tried to figure out the least corny way to apologize. I stared at him and raised a brow; his face looked helpless and lost. I chuckled and he did too.

"I overreacted," I shook his hand strongly and gave a nod. "My bad." When the sun was up, clearly visible everyone made an appearance. I recognized Glenn, T-Dog and Daryl. I shot confused glances at the other people, a Latin man, a black woman, and the man with the vision. They all gathered around and piled up the dead. "Who're those people?" _If I'm stayin' here migh' as well learn all their names._

"That's Morales," Dale said and I lifted my head to face him, he pointed at the Latin man. "That's Jacqui and that's Jim." He kept on naming several other people when a loud accusation broke all conversation.

"Y'all left ma brother for dead!" I head Daryl's drawl and I looked at him immediately. He pointed at me and continued. "If it ain' fer tha' guy he'd damn be!"

The camp suddenly went silent. All the mild chattering came to a halt. Even the blowing wind could be heard. My eyes traveled around each person and saw they were all staring at me. I squinted.

"You saved Merle Dixon?" The black woman, Jacqui spat. I looked at her. Her face serious and indignant.

"Yeah," I answered nonchalantly and shrugged. I saw judging eyes everywhere and stood up challenging. "'n' I'd damn do it again." I cocked my head to the side; they took the hint and quit the obvious judging. I stomped towards the bodies and helped dragging them to separate piles.

I took hold of a dead body's legs when Jacqui hollered, "A walker got him. A walker bit Jim!" I abruptly turned to look at the accused. The camp members gathered around and I believed they discussed Jim for they looked at him every second like he was a bomb. I approached a blue truck and watched. I felt I had no business amongst them.

After the meeting had dissipated I waited for Daryl to be over and load the remaining bodies on the truck. I took interest when Carol stopped Daryl just when he was about to smash a corpse's head. At first she was hesitant; she hit its head with doubt. But after a few hits she kept breaking it, with anger, rage. I raised a brow. _Hhmm._ I helped Daryl load the bodies on the truck's bed and watched him take off.

I took a walk around the empty camp and entered the RV where I saw an agonizing Jim. "How ya doin'?" I asked as I tucked my hands in the front pockets of my pants.

"Hangin' in there." He weakly replied as his eyes wavered around the RV.

"Y'kno'..." I began darkly as I approached him. "It'll be better if I finish ya now…" I stated my idea. His eyes finally fixated on me. "Bu', if ya agree I consider tha' givin' up. And damn I'm against tha'." I rolled my eyes at him and his face relaxed a little. I squinted when I realized he was staring at me with curiosity.

"Tell me..." He began weakly. "Why are you dressed like a man?" My eyes opened wide and I looked straight to his brown eyes.

"What?!" I answered shocked. _The fuck did I do wrong? _I looked down at my appearance.

"Yes," He accommodated himself in the bed. "Matt," He spat my name with sarcasm. "Why? What's your name?" I opened my mouth and he lifted a finger. "The real one." _Fuck. Fuck me. He a damn shrink or wha'?_

"H– How tha'?!" I stammered bewildered. He had definitely caught me off guard. I had never expected to be asked that question so soon.

"Doesn' matter," He breathed in deeply. "No one else knows, jus' me. Now tell me." He slowly shifted in his place.

I sighed loudly, visibly disappointed. I shook my head and looked at Jim again. "Name's Katherine Matthews." I ran a hand through my self-cut hair. "Fer a girl all 'lone… world ain't nice ya kno'– Humans ain't nice." Jim nodded and looked away from me. "Hey," I made him look at me. "I migh' no' be as strong as a man bu' damn tha' didn' stop me from doin' the same things." I warned him. Someone knocked and I quickly turned to face the RV's door; I quickly stood up and stormed my way out. I opened the door and almost pounced over Carol as she walked in.

I leaned on the RV's side as Rick and Lori got inside too. I saw Shane approach and leaned besides me. "We gotta leave man..." I said.


	6. Chapter 6: Moving On

**CHAPTER 6: MOVING ON**

"I know it's not my place to say, bu' we gotta go." I spoke determined. I didn't look at him, but stared to the horizon as I flicked my tongue uneasy.

"I know man. We gotta go to Fort Benning," Shane said. "But Rick wants ta go to the CDC to find a cure."

"Cure? There ain't no cure..." I said hopeless. I looked down and from the corner of my eyes caught Shane raise his hand an run it through his curly hair. Lori stepped out from the RV and Shane shut his mouth. I looked straight ahead again to the woods while they quietly argued. I took a step away from them, still leaning back on the RV.

A few minutes later I saw Shane and Rick take off, I watched them leave and reluctantly dragged my feet towards the dying ashes at the center of the camp with everyone else. I remained quiet while Lori tried to give a heads up about the CDC plan. I wasn't going to argue with her but I couldn't help but disagree with their plan. A while later Rick and Shane came back, the latter contradicted began rambling around agreeing with the former. I let out a cocky snort and stood up. I must've made some scene for the mild chattering immediately stopped. Without a sound I walked to my things and sorted my belongings, leaving only the essentials at hand.

_C'mon buddy... Why stay? _

I shook my head. By the time I was done the sun was down and the camp went dark. Once again I faced the need to get a place to sleep. I wouldn't bother Daryl again, take advantage and get friendly, for that behavior disgusted me. Instead I headed back inside the RV and asked Jim for his tent. Jim addressed me with my last name even though no one was around to hear him. I actually felt thankful for his kindness, he didn't have a reason to cover me. They weren't my people after all. When I asked him for his tent he simply shrugged and told me to suit myself, figured out he wouldn't need it anymore.

"Man I really wanna shower..." I complained as I ran a dirty hand through the back of my head and nape while I walked to my newly acquired tent in the darkness.

"It's over there." a little shy voice said.

I turned around and saw a little blonde girl. "Sophia right?" She nodded. "Thank you." She gave me a sheepish look and left. I looked around camp and smirked when I saw no one around, all asleep. I grabbed my clothes, a towel and took off. My brows raised at the sight of the so called shower. It consisted of a bucket tied to a rope which hung over a thick branch. At least it had a curtain. I took a quick but thorough shower. When done I slightly pushed the curtain aside to grab my clothes, which were carefully placed over a log outside, but I accidentally touched a warm hand. I pulled my hand back inside and frozen. My eyes traveled down to my butt naked body. My heartbeat sped up and I was sure the other person could hear it. _If it was a walker it'd make a noise... It's actually quiet out there._

"Do you want your clothes?" it was Glenn's voice I recognized.

"Don't touch 'em!" I loudly ordered immediately. I cursed inside for my remark was a bit off beat for it to be casual. I swallowed hard but my heartbeat still didn't slow down.

"Sorry. I wasn't going to hide them— I was giving a hand." he sounded embarrassed.

"Well stop," I braked from behind the makeshift curtains. "Don' need no help— Don't touch my stuff. 'm sorry, but leave." I waited silent, naked from head to toe in the darkness. A few seconds later I popped my head out and sighed relieved when he was nowhere to be found. I grabbed my clothes and dressed as fast as I possible, then I ran back to Jim's tent.

* * *

><p>Next morning everyone packed their stuff. I claimed Jim's tent as mine so I dismantled it and placed it with my sleeping bag, I also grabbed some of his clothing and tucked them in my bag. <em>He ain't gon' need 'em no more<em>.

We gathered around and listened to instructions. The Morales said they weren't going. So after very heartfelt goodbyes, they all scattered and picked up their belongings. I looked at them as they made their way in small groups to their designated vehicle. The Grimes and Carol and Sophia climbed inside Carol's Cherokee. I saw T-Dog help Daryl place the chopper in the bed of a blue pick up truck, then Daryl walked to the driver's seat. I followed T-Dog as he approached Andrea like she were a handicapped person, he helped her get inside another pick up truck. My eyes then flew to the RV just as Jacqui and Dale got inside. Finally my eyes settled on the combat Jeep. I nodded.

"Hey man... Can I ride with ya?" I said halfheartedly as I casually kicked some dirt and leaned over the Jeep's side.

"'nough room in the RV, or T-Dog's." Shane said sarcastically while he fastened the ropes on the back of his truck.

"Yeah 'n' so's Daryl's— Bu' I used my shot with 'im." I ran a hand through my short hair and bit my bottom lip. "RV's with a walker-to-be in it 'n' T-Dog's got depressed Andrea... I don' wanna deal with tha'."

Shane chuckled at my last remark. "Got a point there... Hop in man." he tilted his head towards the passenger's seat and I obeyed. And so we moved on. The pain and defeat was palpable in these survivors. We didn't get far though, the RV broke down and Jim couldn't take it anymore. Shane and Rick sat him under a tree as his last dying wish. Everyone approached him and bid farewell. I tilted my head in goodbye and half smiled at him from the distance, he nodded and smiled back.

We drove for several hours through deserted roads. As we approached the city and got closer to our destination I continuously shook my head in disapproval. "What's the matter?" Shane asked.

"I don't see it man... Look around 's a fuckin' graveyard." I waved my hand annoyed to show him around without looking at him.

"I know man. But we gotta stick together." he replied as he switched his gaze between me and the road ahead.

"That's bullshit... Strength in numbers don' last tha' long. Sooner or later it's better on our own. This is too much sometimes." I pulled one knee up and rested a hand over it.

"That why ya left?" he asked, I noticed his tone got serious.

"My last group? Naw... It got nothin' to do with tha'." I never looked at him but kept my sudden bitter glare to the mess on the streets.

"And would ya tell why?" I caught his eyes focused in me from the corner of my eyes.

"Not now, after this call you people ain' gettin' better," my voice tone was dead, emotionless. "Bu' I will... Eventually. When I find a reason to. 'n' if we make it past this shit." I couldn't help but spit sarcasm in the last sentence; it was and still is part of my essence. Shane chuckled.

When we arrived at the CDC we saw it was truly a graveyard, bodies scattered around, dead walkers, army tanks, and soldiers. It looked like here, shit went down a long time ago. Quietly we walked towards the main entrance, the sun was going down so the people felt uneasy. Daryl and I took the rear.

My eyes traveled around the wide sidewalk. "Walkers" Daryl and I warned at the same time. Mild chaos unleashed. The women freaked out, Carl and Sophia silently weeped. Daryl shot one of them with his crossbow and I smashed another with the crowbar. My weapon required short distance, so Daryl took off as many as he could and left me the ones that got too close for shooting distance. As our surroundings grew darker and CDC's doors weren't opening, true desperation took hold fro there were wore walkers each time. Rick was insane, screaming to something while Shane pulled him away.

"We gotta go! There's too many!" I yelled over my shoulder while I smashed a walker's skull.

Then it happened, a bright light behind me. I stopped, stood there blank. I couldn't react. CDC was still alive. I turned around as the walker in front of me dropped to the gound. They all ran inside, I followed but stood by the door with my crowbar at the ready. I heard them talk with someone inside. After some minutes T-Dog patted on my shoulder and told me to go and bring the things from the cars. Daryl, Glenn, Shane and I left. We were probably the fastest of all. On our way back I was behind everyone, it was pitch black outside. When Shane got in I watched T-Dog and Dale close the doors, my eyes opened wide, in disbelief.

_No._ I sped up, holding at least three bags. Two of them weren't even mine but I still didn't drop them. A rush of nerves coursed through my body as the metal door went down. In a last attempt to avoid getting left outside I threw the bags ahead of me and slid under the door.

My knees crashed with the glass door while the sound of the metal door shutting behind me took my breath away.


	7. Chapter 7: It's In The Blood

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 7: IT'S IN THE BLOOD**

- Slam - My left knee smashed with the glass door.

I squeezed my eyes in pain and hit the glass door in anger. As I opened them again I saw Shane inside looking around frantically for something, then his brown eyes landed on the door. Right on my eyes. I figured that if looks could kill, the graveyard would also be inside the CDC. Shane took three large steps towards Dale and pushed him aside to open the door. To chaos.

I bursted inside, furious. "What the fuck's wrong with ya people? Fuck! I fuckin' put my ass out there ta help ya and ya were gon' fuckin' leamme me fer dead? Damn it I should've taken sheriff's advice and follow the damn cracker instead of waitin' for ya lame-excuse-survivors!" I breathed heavily, if the women and Glenn didn't fear me before they sure did now. My hands balled into fists and I breathed in to calm down. I bit back the itchy feeling in my throat and pulled back my composure so they wouldn't see how scared I actually was. A scientist-like guy was staring at me like everyone else. "Yeah I'll do the shitty test." I said, before he spoke.

We followed him to an elevator where he took us to lower levels. After the uncomfortable elevator ride the man took us to a large room where he dropped the news that he was it. That everybody left. While we swallowed that information, he took the blood tests and invited dinner. While I remained apprehensive everyone else relaxed around at the feast. The chattered loudly while drinking. My eyes travelled back to Shane and I caught him staring at Lori behind his glass.

"Do ya drink?" Daryl interrupted my thoughts with his southern drawl.

"Naw, rare 'ccasions." I answered shortly. I was never a party person, so I actually hoped to sneak out as soon as possible.

"Then drink!" He poured a golden liquid in a whisky glass and shoved it in my face. "I wanna se how red yer faces get." he continued as he poured more alcohol on Glenn's cup.

"I got drinker's blood..." I warned slightly annoyed and let out an exasperated sigh. Glenn laughed awkwardly, but his face showed fear when he looked at the wine.

While munching the others thanked Jenner for the hospitality, when Shane interrupted and asked about the elephant in the room. Everyone threw darts at him and called him buzz killer. But he was right, so I joined him.

"He's right." I told Rick and flicked the glass in my hand towards him. "Your move, should be you askin'." I took a long gulp and dropped the empty glass as I felt the burning liquid in my system.

Jenner coldly reminisced the fate of the CDC, but didn't tell how it happened— How the disease or whatever it was spread. How civilization died. He then stood up and showed us our rooms. Without looking back or waiting for the others I walked away and stepped inside the last room in the long aisle. Inside I dropped my bag off my shoulder and turned to close the door. I raised my eyes from the doorknob and locked eyes with Daryl's blue orbs. I swallowed hard and it was then that I noticed my mind was a little clouded. I abruptly closed my door and leaned on it until I heard the door across the hall shut.

I studied the room. It was considerable large and clean. It had been a very long time since a little bit of normalcy settled in my body. I took a long slow bath, enjoying every bit of warm water. _Screw everyone. No one's gon' barge in._ I dropped the towel and took a pair of tight shorts a random T-shirt from my bag and jumped on the bed. Dead asleep. No dream, nothing. Adrift at peace.

* * *

><p>"Don't ever, ever let me drink..." Glenn groaned and I scoffed at his complain when I entered the large room and took a seat. T-Dog dropped some scrambled eggs on the plate in front of me. The second he turned away I attacked my plate. I ate the food like an animal. <em>Food, warm food. <em>"How are you… Like that?" he accused me and gulped, barely sitting up straight.

"Told ya I had drinker's blood," I answered cocky and smirked at him. "Ma 'ntire family drinks— drank heavily. It's in the blood bitch." I high fived Daryl at the last phrase when he walked past me.

"Ugh. You two could be brothers." he moaned and his head hung limply over his palms.

After breakfast Jenner lead us to another room and showed us a recording. We all watched it, hypnotized while he explained the best he could. When Dale asked about the clock I finally took notice of it. It was counting down. And Jenner revealed it's rueful purpose. I didn't stay back to listen the rest of the argument but immediately left the large showroom and went back to the bedroom I slept in. I put my bag on my shoulders and exited the door when Jenner walked past me, everyone following him close behind. He directed us back to the room we ate in and metal doors went down. Locking us inside. The man sat calmly, ignoring everything while despair took hold. "Sets the air on fire..." Jenner simplified after some minutes.

"No. No," I shook my head in denial. "I ain't givin' up. I promised ma family I'd be fine, that I was gon' make it," I pounded my chest violently. "Ma family didn't die for nothin'. I didn't get this far to die here, open the damn door!" My hands turned into fists and my eyes followed Shane and Daryl who ran towards the metal doors. Shane grabbed an axe and I threw another one at Daryl, and they both tried to make an exit. Shane handed me the axe and went back to the others. I hit the door with all the rage, regret and whatever other feelings I held inside that I didn't notice Daryl left me. "Come on!" I cried. I gave myself the luxury of letting tears fall since nobody was around, nobody could see me. I wiped them with my arm in anger. "Come on! Fuck. Fuck." I stopped when I heard gunshots. I was afraid they were all commiting suicide now. I turned around and what I saw was worse. Lost people, helpless. Daryl came back to me and I faced the doors again. We both kept trying.

My arms were tired but luckily the door lifted. I sighed with relief and ran to the main entrance, several footsteps followed behind. Some strange weight was lifted off my shoulders at the sight of daylight. I figured we would've been screwed if it was dark outside. It seemed Jenner's redemption only stretched as far as the metal doors in the showroom for the main entrance still remained closed. We tried with axes, a chair not even Shane's shotgun worked with the windows. Carol stepped up and gave Rick something. A grenade. Rick looked up in shock and I saw him swallow hard at the thought. We all hid until the grenade exploded. The glass broke and we ran outside.

Walkers heard the loud blast and came at us. Daryl whistled and I looked at him. He threw one of the axes and we killed off as many walkers as we could. I ran to the closest car without a second thought. I jumped inside a yellow truck, Carol and Sophia followed me. We covered ourselves and it happened.

_Kaboom._

I started the Cherokee and drove away in silence. Not knowing where we headed to. I followed the RV, mechanically. I looked on the rearview mirror and saw the black smoke. We drove as fast as we could, far from what could have been our time. Since I've never stood up as a great talker— at least with people I barely knew, I didn't care about the awkward silence. I caught Sophia staring at me several times through the rearview mirror, I tilted my head at her and smirked cocky. She instantly looked away.

"I had two lil' sisters y'kno'." I said to her after the seventh time I caught her staring.

She looked at me deciding whether or not to ask the obvious question. She wanted to clear her doubt. "What happened?" she questioned shyly, as small blush on her cheeks.

"Wha' happened to everyone else... 'pocalypse." I said and faced the road ahead. I rested an elbow on the door and bit my finger.

I caught Carol look down at me from the corner of my eye. "I'm sorry." they both said at the same time.

"I hope they didn't suffer." Carol continued in vain.

"Yeah... Don't we all..." I said in between a sigh. '_nough sharin'._

"My husband died too..." she added. Sharing the pain. From the beating she gave that corpse back in camp, and after T-Dog told me it was her husband, I figured he wasn't that nice. Her pain was mostly about feeling alone, abandoned.

"'m sorry." was my ambiguous answer. After a less awkward ride the RV pulled down at the side of the road. So did us and the caravan behind. No gas station around, nor close enough, led us to siphon gas from the cars. Shane gave up his Jeep, Daryl gave up the truck but kept his bike and T-Dog gave his van. When the last bit of fuel was siphoned we organized the trip.

"Fort Benning." I said determined. They nodded. Place was pretty much a fact. I repeated it as a reminder of what should have been our first choice. I felt some sort of belonging when they all obeyed without a doubt. Traveling arrangements were done and it was almost cruel. For the families traveled together in Carol's Cherokee and as I stepped inside the RV I noticed just how many of us were alone.

_Damn, this shit's crowded._ I hastily dropped my backpack and sat down close to it. And so we left. Daryl took the lead with his very loud bike, then us, then the families. My eyes traveled around the old RV and I tapped my foot quicker as I grew hyper. I intently watched as Shane cleaned his gun, and noticed I wasn't the only one. Andrea watched him in amazement too. He smirked at us and took Andrea gun to study it. _Damn, all my step-dad ever taught me was how ta shoot a damn air rifle. When I was 8. As if would remember tha' shit._

"So look..." he said breaking the silence around.

"Oh no." Dale said with a hollow voice. We shot confused glances at each other and walked up front. A massive road block ahead. Abandoned cars parked in the middle of the streets, crashed. Forgotten. Daryl appeared and led us through it patiently. We actually did it fine, slowly passing by until a white smoke came out of the RV and it stopped. Right in the middle of...

_Just awesome._


	8. Chapter 8: Guilt

_Italics: OC'S thoughts_

**CHAPTER 8: GUILT**

We all left our cars; I didn't think twice and ransacked the nearest car. Daryl did the same. I turned to them when no footsteps were heard; there was some mixture of indignation and surprise.

"Wha'?" I said and shrugged.

"This is a graveyard." Lori said after T-Dog and Shane planned on siphoning gas and look for more stuff.

"So? Who cares? The world ended, its kinda finders keepers now." I snorted and turned away.

Break. Everyone took off. I looked for the cars with luggage on top, figure those will have more clothes or shoes. I searched for masculine cars, figured the chance of finding weapons would be higher, I found a flashlight, a thermos, a hat for myself, even noodles and rice. Hijack was going perfect. I filled some flasks with gas and gave them to T-Dog. But then someone warned me about walkers, without a second thought I got underneath the nearest car and saw T-Dog wander around. _Dumbass! What the fuck is he doing? Get down now. You gonna. _T-Dog cut his arm. _Hurt yourself. Oh come on. _I looked around myself, walkers were still passing by. _Fuck. I can't get out. Where? Where did he go? _I couldn't see T-Dog anymore. All I did was watch; try to find a pair of feet moving faster than the others. I caught his shadow and another dizzy one follow it. I thought he was screwed, but then another shadow jumped over the walker, and next, that dead walker lying on the asphalt looking in my direction.

A while later, silence. I stepped out and found Daryl holding an agonizing T-Dog. I put my arm under his shoulder and his arm around mine, when we found the others things didn't look good. Carol was sobbing, Sophia and Rick nowhere to be found.

I looked at Dale and raised an eyebrow. "Stranded walkers went after Sophia. Rick went after them."

We couldn't do much there, so we stood there hoping, praying. When Rick came back Carol immediately jumped on him and bombarded him with questions.

"She's not back?" Rick said crushed.

When he asked that question Carol broke down. I grabbed a fistful of my hair and turned around, already shaking my head. I took everything I was holding and got inside the RV, the walker inside scared me big time, I kicked it annoyed and dragged it outside. "Son of a bitch!" I looked up and saw I have earned a few glares, once again Rick was missing so were Daryl, Glenn and Shane. I was stuck with the women and Carl, a patched up T-Dog and Dale. Dale went back up to the RV's roof, T-Dog sat by the door and the women stared at the woods. No one being useful.

"Hey. Come on. We gotta do somethin'." I tried to motivate the women. Nothing. They didn't even turn to look at me. "Come one. Standin' here ain't gon' help. Might as well stock up." I walked in circles trying to bring some sense in them.

Only Lori turned around, her arm around Carl. I opened my mouth to say something but the look on her face made me shut it. "Do you not care or something?" she accused.

I was confused. "I'm sorry, wha'?"

"You act like nothing's wrong, as if nothing happened. Do you not care that a little girl's missing?" she raised her eyebrows in a snobbish way.

"I never said that I didn't care. I said standing here, waiting ain't helping. Least we can do is somethin' useful." I said determined.

"You don't understand." Her tone was judgmental. She instantly turned back to Carol.

My mouth opened wide in astonishment. I wasn't going to hold back anything this time. "I don' understand wha'?" I challenged and I settled my arms on my waists.

She turned around again, annoyed, tired of my attitude. "You're young. Don't know what it's like to worry about your own child." She bossed.

I scoffed sarcastically, looked to my side and the back at her, visibly pissed off. I repeated. "I don' understan' wha'?" I took a step closer to her. "Not knowing if yer child is ok or not? Still human? Not knowin' if she's gon' be back? Yer righ' I don'."

"I—" I cut her off.

"I don' because I was at the other end of that story. When I came back from scavengin' my whole family was dead. I don' know how it happened because I wasn't there. I don' know if they let anyone in or if I didn' close the gate properly. I don' know because I was the one out there! I was the one at risk! They were supposed to be safe. They were supposed to be worried about me not the other way 'roun'. What do ya think I did? Not care like ya said? No. I cried my fucking eyes out. I sobbed for weeks after I put them down before they rose 'gain. Oh no, don' ya think I had like one o' those families with just one parent. No, big family. Not only my parents and sisters were in there, my entire fuckin' family! We managed to stick tagether." I had to stop to take a breath; I didn't realize I was pounding my chest until I stopped talking. All the grief and remorse were leaving my body. My eyes were full of tears but they didn't fall. "D'ya kno' what it's like to live with tha'? Tha' guilt? The guilt that eats you... No you don't. Ye and I don' kno' what it's like to wait and hope for yer kid to be back, safe. So you leave the fuckin' mother ta wait fer her own child and do somethin' useful!" I fumed. By the time I was over I realized Shane and Glenn were already back, they stared at me shocked like the rest. No one knew anything about my family until that moment.

"I'm– I'm so sorry. I– I didn't know..." Lori said as she shed tears. This time Andrea and Carol also turned around.

"Nobody knew." I said coldly, not looking at her but to my side. I bit my lip. Andrea approached me and laid a hand on my shoulder, "Jus', jus' leame alone." I said as I shoved her arm away. I turned around and walked to the cars, far away from them. When I was out of sight I knelt on the asphalt and broke down. I cried and cried. Wept for this new world I was living in, for everything that I've been through, for the guilt I felt. Everything. I sobbed all that I couldn't at that given moment. I covered my face with my hands to keep me from making any noise. I couldn't breathe; I looked at my knees and squeezed my jeans.

Since no one would come for me I pulled myself together, stopped being pathetic and cleaned my face with my shirt. I stood back up and walked around waiting for my face to swell down, so that they wouldn't know I cried. I looked at the sky holding back tears, I breathed in deeply then I crumbled, tears were too many to be controlled I clenched my hands as tight as I could. I let a silent scream trying to control the anger inside. To calm down I ran my hands through my face, through my hair, strongly. Again, I stood up and breathed in.

My shirt was too dirty I took it off, the tank top I had underneath revealed the bandage around my chest. My bag was inside the RV and I couldn't risk making an appearance like this. My T-shirt was really disgusting so I tossed it and looked for another. _You have got to be fuckin' kiddin' me. No shirts? Where are all the men!_ After searching in at least 7 cars I finally found a dark long-sleeved shirt. It was burning today so I rolled up the sleeves to my elbows, couldn't any further, and buttoned it up just enough to hide my makeshift corsé. I walked back to the others; they were moving cars around to make some space.

"Found this," I said as I stretched my arm to reveal a briefcase. They all turned to look at me, lost, but none of them spoke. "Guess someone in this mess was a big deal, got those black SUVs behind. I found this briefcase, handgun's inside." Shane, being the temporary leader, and the one that knows about guns, took it. Studied it and gave it back to me. "Thanks man, but I don' know how ta use 'em." I said honestly.

"Finders keepers as ya said." he chuckled. "I'll teach ya sometime."

I nodded and took it, opened the case and like an amused child I placed it back. I made my way to the RV looking for my bag. _Finders keepers_. I shook my head mischievously. _Amateurs_. I opened my bag, tucked my hand and lifted my clothes to make some space. I lifted my shirt and took three knives from my waist, wrapped them and carefully placed them in the spot I just made. Then threw the briefcase on top, like it was nothing. I turned around and saw Dale; he stared at me judging my recent action. I glared back and rolled my eyes. On my way out I bumped him with my shoulder, I had no idea if he saw the knives or not. _I'll worry 'bout tha some other time._

We pretty much stripped those cars down; I even considered ripping the upholstery too. I checked on Carol every now and then. I was begging for the sun to come down because I was running out of activities. I saw Shane working on a car, liking mechanics I walked to him. "'Sup man." I interrupted.

"Hey." he said not looking up.

I stood by the car watching him fix it. I wasn't in the mood for conversation so I stood there silent. I was growing into liking Shane like an older brother. He looked at me then stood up properly. "Whatcha up to–"

"Hey. I'm no kid. Don' scratch my head like ya do with Carl. Come on man!" I chastised and laughed. My shoulders relaxed.

He laughed too, "Sorry man. Ya are like a lil' brother." He patted on my shoulder and turned to the car again.

"Well then, brother. How can I help ya?" I was glad he didn't ask about my rant earlier that day.

"Here." he handed a tool.


	9. Chapter 9: For The First Time

_Italics: OC'S thoughts_

**CHAPTER 9: FOR THE FIRST TIME**

That night most people slept inside the RV, so I took my stuff out and moved in to the cleanest car. Only light that guided was the moonlight. I didn't care who took watch, I was still a bit pissed off at Lori for the judgment, and at nosy Dale for meddling in everything.

"Fuck those people can't keep things to themselves. They have to get in everyone else's problem." I complained as I arranged the backseat. Nights were supposed to be cooler, but in all that mess wind barely blew. In the end, it was just less hot. I tried to open the windows but the car's battery was dead. So I tried to sleep, impossible. I was sweating like a pig, clothes stuck to my skin. I wanted to sleep in my tight shorts and tank top but I'd be screwed if anyone saw me. "Please people, for once in your life mind your own business." I begged in the car. "Fuck it." I took off my jeans, shirt, and the bandage. Tossed them on the front seat and laid down again. _Freedom_. I closed my eyes but my mind wouldn't shut up. _Please. Just lemme sleep._

_NO. No, no, no, no. I'm sorry. __I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry momma. I'm sorry everyone. Please, please forgive me. Nooo! I was late. I should've been faster. I was stupid. Please, please forgive me. It's my entire fault, all on me. I let you down. Why! I'm sorry._

My eyes popped open, wide. My face full of tears mixed with sweat. "AAAAAAA Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Fuck all of y'all. God damned shit hole. Motherless proxy bastards! Imma kill y'all!" I yelled in between sobs as I fought and hit everything. I abruptly stopped when I heard someone or something patting on the window to my left. I froze. _Shit. Turn around and attack? What if it's human?_

"Ya ok?" I heard a muffled male voice outside. _Fuck. Human._ I didn't know what to do. I swallowed hard and looked down at my shorts and tank top, both tight. I moved away from the window to the darkest spot in the car, still not turning around. I grabbed the first thing on the front seat, pants. _'Course. No, not even in this situation you gon' give a hand, huh?_ I looked up to the roof. _Fine_. I put the pants on while the person outside patted again. "Hey! Ya alrigh'?" he repeated louder. I frowned and shrugged at whatever feeling made me think there was concern in his voice.

I slid my arm underneath my top to make some space between it and my chest. "What?" my husky voice barked, as I turned around to face him. At first I couldn't figure out who he was, for he was standing against the light. On the other hand, I glowed. I opened the door and stepped out of the car without thinking twice. I must've looked pretty stupid with my hand tucked underneath my shirt but I didn't care.

"Thought ya were havin' trouble. Car moved like shit was goin' down." His hoarse voice made me tense up. He kept his hands busy, nibbling on his thumb every now and then.

"Bad dream." I said as I leaned on the car and wiped the sweat from my face with my free hand. I breathed in deeply and the second his scent reached me a strange tickle coursed through my body. And just like that my mind traveled back to the CDC when I locked eyes with him across the aisle.

"K. Juss lemme kno' if ya need help. Sorta owe ya one..." he said and nodded. I couldn't understand how I managed to see his blue eyes in the darkness.

"I- I will..." I stammered and looked to the left. It was amazing how the moon shined and made everything perfectly visible. Thought we were even with the tent thing..." I answered estranged. "But ok. Won' see me argue on tha' one." Sarcasm spoke and I tilted my head to the side.

He nodded and as he walked away muttered, "K. Brother." Or that's what I managed to understand. I frowned but shrugged the feeling off. I threw myself in the seat again. _Damn it. Not even him. _This time I did sleep, relaxed. I felt some sort of comfort for the first time.

* * *

><p>Next morning Rick organized the search. Andrea complained about her gun and the weapons we were given. "Dude. Guns are loud." I added at the discussion they were having a few feet away. She glared at me and I cocked my head to the side with a smirk. <em>Bitch. Ya can't say nothin' ta me.<em> After that Andrea and Dale started arguing again. I walked back and forth, impatient. But, I understood Andrea when she established her point about death.

We went to the woods; I took the rear with Shane, while Daryl and Rick took the front. Figured two silent weapons, one leading and one in the back will be useful. At some point Carl slowed down and showed Shane the knife he had. Shane hushed him and Lori came to make the boy speed up, and glare at Shane. I shook my head and covered a chuckle. Shane deviated and I followed him.

"Ya were righ'." He began with a drawl as we nonchalantly stepped on debris.

"'Bout wha'?" I watched my steps without looking up.

"This being too much. Being on yer own looks better now." He rambled. At that moment my eyes shot up and I looked at his tensed back. He kept his head low and joined the others again. I followed him while I stared at him, then nodded. It seemed he just wanted to let me know he was actually considering it. He just needed to get that out of his system.

- Church bell -

We all abruptly stopped and shot confused looks at each other. Some were even hopeful. The noise was very sparse so at first we couldn't locate it easily. We ran until we saw the church far away. Once we got there, Rick and Daryl took the lead and opened the doors. I peaked behind them and saw there were three walkers inside. Shane walked past me inside the church behind Daryl and Rick and they eliminated the straggled walking corpses. I bit the inside of my cheek as I watched Rick smashing one particular geek's head with anger, taking it all out on it. We heard the bell again and Daryl almost pounced over me as he ran outside past everyone. Nothing.

"Damn speaker." I said when I saw Daryl shut it off.

"Timer. It's only a timer." Daryl added, tired.

My eyes traveled around the land and settled in every group member for a few seconds. Carol took a moment and went back inside the curch, Andrea isolated herself from everyone. I heard Lori accuse Shane for wanting to leave. I shook my head bewildered. _Man, tha' woman's beyon' all bearing. Do I leave with Shane? Things ain't bad, yet. _

After resting in the shadow, Shane and Rick decided to split us up. They sent me with Daryl and the others back to the road. It was a long way back, so after a while we stopped to take a breath. Andrea complained once again, and accused Lori about the gun. Lori gave it to her and cleaned out her closet. _Damn! What is wrong with women at this camp? Jeez._ I rolled my eyes as I leaned on a tree while I drank water._ Can't they just man the fuck up and be content with what they have?_

"You tellin' us we can go 'head 'n' do whatever we want. Then there ya're, scoldin' Shane for wantin' ta leave?" I threw my acid comment but never looked at her, she stopped talking.

"That's different." she avoided the confrontation.

I could see she felt guilty for trying to make me feel bad for Carol, when I already felt terrible. "No it ain't." I pushed, this time looking at her in the eyes. She looked away; I shook my head and snorted. Pushed away from the tree and kept walking, they followed me.

- Gunshot -


	10. Chapter 10: Disposable

_Italics: OC'S thoughts_

**CHAPTER 10: DISPOSABLE**

_What the actual fuck? _"Ya guys heard it?" I asked a bit uneasy. "Only one."

"We have to go back." Lori said.

"No, they can handle it themselves. Let's get back to the road." Andrea said as she encouraged Lori to keep moving.

"It ain't safe here. That gunshot... Walkers mighta heard it" Daryl kept walking.

"One gunshot." I reassured and frowned.

"They could've killed a deer..." Glenn said, hiding his concern.

"I hate to agree with Lori," I insolently spoke. "But we have to go back."

"We'll never make it. It's getting dark." I rolled my eyes. Lori turned around and followed them, I stood back and looked in the opposite direction, to where we believed the sound came from. I hesitated and turned to follow the group. A few feet later Lori stopped again. I believed this time we were going for it so I walked back on our feet. When Daryl stopped everyone and I turned around annoyed. I looked around while the others were wasting time.

"I'm hoping and praying she doesn't end like Amy..." Carol honestly revealed I opened my eyes wide and faced her. _Holy shit. She didn' jus' say tha'._ I turned to cover a mocking laugh. My cruelty was out of control. Daryl made his temporary-leader appearance and settles things up. I loudly sighed and followed everyone. Figure I could've walked away from them if I wanted and do what I wanted to do, but somehow I couldn't leave Daryl protect them by himself. In the woods air didn't feel that hot. But still, I was sweating like a pig, wet as if I jumped into a lake. I wanted to take my T-shirt of badly but that was a luxury I couldn't afford. _Man, if I were a dude I would walk around in shorts and bare chest. Fuck everyone else._ I stopped and rolled up my pants just a bit to get some air in my ankles. I blew into my shirt and accommodated my sticky bandage. _Ugh. _Andrea was complained once again, about everything. I ignored her until I heard her screams. We all ran to help her when some girl in a horse hit the walker with a bat. Then she talked about Carl being shot and Rick sending her. Lori didn't hesitate and took the bag off her shoulders.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. We don' know this girl. Ya can't get on tha' horse." Daryl claimed. I still didn't feel in place to speak about trusting strangers, so I just grabbed Lori's bag while cowgirl gave us instructions as to where she was heading and that place being safe. Just as she came, she left. I walked up to Andrea and held a hand. She stared at me enraged and took it. We all walked back in silence. Sun was going down so we would not be able to leave that day.

"And you let 'em?" I heard Dale scold Daryl as I got on the highway.

"She had a damn horse, cowgirl jus' took her." I argued. "What d'ya wanted us ta do? Jump all over her?" My short temper always got the best of me. I slightly bumped Dale intentionally as I walked past him. A very pissed off Andrea just went into the RV. After we all cooled off we talked about the girl and the location she gave. "We can't go," I blurted out, not even thinking twice. "Not today."

"I won't do it. We can't just leave." Carol said.

"Carol. The group is split. We're scattered and weak." Dale argued.

"Oh. So leavin' a kid behind shows how strong we are?" I shook my head in disbelief.

"What if she comes back and we're not here..." she continued. Her point was very unlikely to happen but she still hold on to it. "Could happen." Daryl took the leader role very seriously, it surprised me. He decided on leaving tomorrow.

"Das what I said..." I pointed out. Glenn wanted to stay too but Dale made him take T-Dog to where the others were. Then Dale looked at me, he was about to say something when I nodded "Yea, I kno'." I grabbed T-Dog's stuff and put them in the car I slept in. Glenn grabbed his stuff and timidly put his in too. Since all of these cars were abandoned who knows how long, they still had their keys on. I tried to start the car. Nothing. Again. Nothing. "No battery."

"Let me help you." Dale stepped in to attach it to the RV.

"Whatcha doin'?" I said offended. "Did I ask for yer help? I can do it myself" I was sick and tired of this man. I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible. After plugging the cables I looked up, all of them staring at me. I felt a bit uneasy and self-conscious, but at that point I didn't care about anybody, anymore. "Wanna help ancestor?" I challenged Dale, it felt great. I wondered why these people didn't kick me off they group by now. "Then get inside yer RV and accelerate."

As walked to get inside the car I heard Andrea murmur. "He's turning into Merle..." I pretended I didn't listen to her but still I shot a quick glance at Daryl, who with a shocked face looked at Andrea and then at me. As soon as his eyes caught mine I turned and got inside the car.

Nothing. "Fuck!" I yelled annoyed.

"You can take Carol's." Andrea suggested.

I looked down, defeated. I hated it. Once again, I grabbed T-Dog's stuff and put them in Carol's truck. "Drive." I threw the keys to Glenn and got in the back seat. Glenn drove, carefully. Road was dead black.

"How bad is it?" Glenn asked T-Dog.

"Damn bad. Cut too deep." He was really dizzy.

"I could've helped ya," I intervened. "But ya moved away."

"Why didn't you just stay under a car?" Glenn stated the obvious question.

"I – I wasn't thinkin' man–"

"Clearly ya wasn'." I interrupted and chuckled, Glenn also laughed. Small talk made the ride more comfortable. I stared at the darkness outside, I wasn't thinking, just lost in the woods.

"Here." Glenn said as he continued on a dirt road. I came to mind and grabbed the bags. Glenn parked the car and stepped out. T-Dog was about to lose balance so I stepped out and grabbed him.

"Hey. Hey, hey, hey don' die now." I shok him a bit to keep him awake.

"Even like this ya can't control yer sarcasm?"

"Naw. It's a part o' me. Now come on man." I smiled at him. I had my bag and T-Dogs as we walked to the porch apprehensively. When we got to the porch me saw blood.

"So do we ring the bell or anything?" Glenn asked.

"We're past that kinda stuff aren't we?" T-Dog was getting worse. I walked behind him just in case. A female voice spoke so I looked up.

Glenn presented us and she presented herself. I was a bit impatient we were wasting time chatting out there while T-Dog agonized. "Can we jus' get inside? We pretty tired." She looked at me and back at Glenn, ignoring me. Rudely I opened the door and got in, they followed closely. She walked past me and led us to a room. Once we entered we saw a very pale Carl. I took a quick look and left. I walked around the house, inspecting every corner. I found a non-so-busy spot so I laid my stuff there. Another woman came with a suture kit and stitched T-Dog's arm. I wasn't helping so I took a trip outside. To be by myself once again.

I walked in the darkness, when I was far away I looked back at the house. "What if..." I said to myself. Looking at the house I took one step away from it, then another. Dark thoughts in my mind. _I've done this before. Disposable stuff._ I couldn't, these people judged me, almost left me for dead, and still I didn't leave, they could've kicked me out but I did not leave them. There was something that kept me from it. Something that made me stay by their side all the time. Something that made me, protect them. Something. My hands turned into fists and my grip tightened, "Damn it." I shook my head and walked back to the house.

On my way back I heard a truck getting close, I walked towards it and saw it was Shane. "Hey! People!" I yelled running towards the house. "It's Shane!" When they came out I ran to Shane. Pure fear and despair in his eyes. Apparently, he left with someone else, and that someone else didn't make it back.


	11. Chapter 11: Broken

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 11: BROKEN**

I stood by Shane while the others went back inside. I rubbed the back of my head and rubbed my messy hair. In spite our rough start, I felt safer around Shane, I didn't trust Rick as much as I did him.

"You— you don't know how— how many." he choked.

I patted his shoulder "I know man. Chill, 's ok." He nodded. His eyes couldn't stop; his head was processing too many things at the same time. "Pretty fucked up," I said, as I looked at his ankle. "Saw ya limp." He said nothing. When Hershel came out we stood up. From the look on his face, the kid made it. Glenn turned at us and I tilted my head, and so he followed the others inside. Lori also looked our way at Shane, she nodded.

He slightly pushed the van for impulse and limped towards the door. I walked by his side and stopped at the porch. "Ain't comin'?" he whispered.

"Naw. that's yer people inside. I'm ok here." I did know what it was that still didn't make me feel part of them. I wondered about the others on the highway, nights seemed so short before all this and now they were endless. I wanted daylight badly. I was getting tired so I went back inside and asked cowgirl, Maggie, for a room.

"Upstairs." she showed the stairs. "Jus' for tonigh'."

"Yup." I nodded. "Bathroom?"

"Ask Shane when he gets out..." she spoke annoyed and walked away.

"Fine." I said a bit offended. I patiently waited for Shane to make an appearance. "Hey," I called. "Where's the bathroom?" He stretched his arm and pointed to a dark aisle. I got closer and followed him. "Got it." I made no comment on his new haircut, it was mostly emotional. So I went back for my bag and as I grabbed it it felt different. I looked down and saw the zipper half closed. "Who touched my bag?" No one answered. Some popped their heads in curiosity but no one dared to admit. "Fuck. Seriously people, don't fucking touch my things." Glenn was the only one that seemed to understand and take note about my remark, I was pretty sure he didn't touch it again after what happened back in Atlanta. I stomped to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I took my shirt off and unbuttoned the pants but didn't take them off, then tank top and then the bandage. The second the bandage touched the pile of clothes the door opened. I froze. _Fuck, fuck, fuck! _I held my breath and tried not to move.

"Sorry man, I forgot somethin'." I recognized Shane's voice. I squeezed my eyes cursing and once the door closed I violently turned around and locked it. _Motherfucker! _I sighed in relief_. Holy shit that was close. _I never thought I'd be grateful for my swimmer's body.

I slowly washed my messy, once long, brownish hair; by now it was just a self-cut, faded blond-brown bush. I shut the tap and stepped out. As if the day couldn't get any worse I slip, left shoulder holding all the weight. "AAAAAA son of a bitch! Fuck!" I yelled in pain. Now I was screwed up, now I was defenseless.

"Matt! Matt!" People yelled outside.

"You fine man?" I could recognize Shane's drawl everywhere.

"Open up so we can help you." said Rick.

"Damn it. I'm fine!" I cursed. "Don't worry 'bou' me."

"Sounds like you need help..." Rick wanted to help at all costs.

"I didn' hurt ma head. I'm fine. Be out in a sec." I tried to move it. With a crack, my shoulder fell back into place. I moved it, excruciating pain, but nothing else. "Ain't broken." I looked at my bag, and wondered what I could possible wear that would allow me to take it off in case they wanted to take a look. I tucked my hand inside and grabbed tight shorts, baggy pants, tank top and another one.

"Dude sure you're fine?" Glenn said worried.

"Son, please open, I have to check on your shoulder. Try not to move it." even Hershel got involved.

"Oh my God! I'm fine. It moves perfectly. It ain't broken. Jus' lemme get dressed so I can show ya later. Jeez." I was more than pissed. Silence on the other side. I wrapped the bandage as good as I could and dressed, careful on covering the corse. I looked myself in the mirror to check before leaving. _Look like a rapper. _I grabbed the key and turned. If heads turning made a noise, that moment would've been an orchestra. I grabbed the bag with my right hand; someone really observant would realize by that small action that my arm was not ok. I hid the pain on my shoulder the best I could. "I'm fine. Just gotta man up. It'll bruise, that's all. Look." I moved it up and down, not flinching one bit. Apparently my live lie was believed by everyone so I climbed up the stairs. I stepped inside the first room I found, closed the door and leaned against it for a while. _They worried didn't they? _I shook my head. _Jus' makin' a big deal outta nothin' again, stop overthinkin' _"Or I leave, or they find out..." I couldn't decide. "What would it be?"

I tried to sleep but my head just couldn't shut up. Plus I was terribly uncomfortable, pain wasn't going away. _I should tell 'em. _When I finally found peace a loud thud caught my attention. I raised my head from the pillow. Nothing. I rested again. Again. This time it was louder, probably getting closed to my room. _Ugh. Fine. _I left the bed and opened the door.

"Holy shit!" I gasped as Shane fell over me. He quickly stood up on guard. "Hey. Hey,'s me. Ya fine?" It was clear that the shock from the night hadn't left. He struggled to stand up properly. It seemed he was going to lose it again so I slid under his arm and wrapped mine around his waist. His left arm rested heavily over my left shoulder so it was killing me. Some tears were clouding my eyes so we took our time, I didn't want him to see them. I led him into the nearest room; he leaned on the door while I check it was empty. "There ya go." I would've made a sarcastic comment but his current state kept me from it.

"Thanks..." he whispered.

* * *

><p>"Mornin'." A female voice spoke as I walked down the stairs heading outside.<p>

"Patricia righ'?" She nodded. "Mornin'."

"Yer people comin' today?"

"Ma people." I repeated. Still a bit sour. "They should. They held back for the night." I looked at the land, calm. Apparently the apocalypse forgot about this place. Then, I saw a bunch of people near trees. "W— wha—" I stammered and turned to her.

"That's where you'll be sleepin'. Hershel said you could set yer camp by those trees." she patiently replied.

"Oh. Well then. Might as well help." I opened the screen door then turned back to her. "I'm very sorry for yer loss..." She nodded and I looked down. On my way to the trees I head car noises. _It's them? _Then, a loud engine sound. _Yup. Bet my ass that's Daryl._ As the RV came to sight. The caravan was led by Daryl, even Shane's new car came. I walked to them as T-Dog walked past me and into the house. The newcomers asked about Carl. I looked among them but didn't see Sophia, Dale and Carol hugged Rick and Lori when she heard the news. I looked at Daryl and raised my brows, he shook his head.


	12. Chapter 12: Pirate

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 12: PIRATE**

Once the clearing was done Hershel gathered us around for Otis' memorial service. Patricia, his wife, wanted to hear his last moments and asked Shane to do so. I looked at him and he clearly looked hesitant.

"Hey. I know you wanna know wha' happened ta him. But yer not thinkin' 'bout Shane. It's pretty traumatic ya kno'? May not be the best thing ta–" I felt an arm against my stomach, I looked down and to my left. Dale shook his head.

"Please" she begged. "I need to hear it. I need to know his death had meaning"

"Ok." Shane whispered. I patted his back to let him know I was there if he needed me. He narrated the story, his voice broken. Once done, he limped towards the grave and placed a rock, just like everyone else did. Patricia sobbed, when she couldn't take it anymore, Maggie took her inside followed by Jimmy and Beth. We all stood there and gave Otis his one-minute silence. I was getting hyper and started tapping my foot and the bit my lip.

"Hey Dale," I said when I was out of control. He looked at me with concern and I rolled my eyes. "Might as well start taking our stuff out and set up the tents."

"Yeah, yeah. Sure, go" he answered crossed. I took off towards the RV, I walked quickly. Really needed to get to doing something. Once I was inside I heard someone yelling. "Son!" Dale called as he approached the RV. I came back out. "I'll tell you what you can take out and what stays in here."

"Fine." I stood at the door as he passed me tents, bags, chairs. I threw them on the ground. _Shit. Should've worn a t-shirt instead of this tank top._

"Need some help?" Glenn cheerfully approached.

"Yeah, take this there." I pointed to a spot over the trees. "I'll help ya set everything up."

"That's it." Dale said as he stepped outside the RV. I nodded and grabbed the remaining things.

"All of 'em?" I asked Glenn once we were getting started on the tents.

"Yeah. Only Rick and Lori sleep together."

In nodded. "Hey Dog, pick yours and set it up. Can't force yerself with that arm. I'll do the other ones." While setting them, I looked to my right to the meeting the others were having. I couldn't hear anything so I just kept on doing my work. Someone approached so Glenn and I looked up, Maggie.

"Heard yer fast on yer feet and know how to get in 'n' out." she said to him. He looked at me confused and then turned to her.

I left them and grabbed another tent. I was almost done with it when another one came by, realized it was Daryl by his shoe. "Yours?" I said without looking up.

"Yeah. Bag's 'ere." he left it besides the tent.

"There. I'm done. Wha' 'bout the cot? Yer gon' use it now?" I asked him, this time I looked at him in the eye and raised a brow. He looked down and bit his thumb, overthinking. I walked away from him to the cot when I heard him follow me. He dropped his crossbow and we both carried it all the way to his tent and inside. "Oh yeah, there it is." I said and patted on his shoulder. Daryl flinched so I quickly shoved my hand away with confusion. I left his tent and moved on to the next one.

* * *

><p>"Imma go bring mine." I told Glenn as I jogged towards the house. I stepped inside and went to the bedroom I slept in. Just as I left it. Immediately I walked to my bag and grabbed a shirt. I buttoned it up and then grabbed the rest of my stuff. I came back out and saw Daryl walking away, Rick looked at me and then at Daryl's back.<p>

"I want you to go with him..." he said.

"Didn' he jus' say he better on his own?" I replied crossed.

"You'll cover more ground." Rick spoke confident.

"Ok?" I said awkwardly. I left my things by the porch and took my crowbar. Before leaving I turned back to him and warned, "I'll set 'em up when I'm back, ok?"

"Whatever you like." he said as he raised his hands.

I ran towards Daryl. He stopped when he heard me but did not turn around. "Pretty sure I told Rick I'm better on ma own."

"I kno'. Repeated so myself. But he said somethin' 'bout coverin' more ground." I said as I reached him. Daryl snorted but didn't complain anymore. We quietly walked through the woods. I didn't feel like making conversation and he probably neither. So we just walked there in silence. His tracking skills were really good and he got me interested. "Hey. How d'ya know' she was here?" I asked when he crouched.

"Dunno. Look it's a shoe print..." he taught.

"Oohh.. But, how d'ya know whose is it?" I asked again as I stood back up.

He stood up and followed the print's direction. "We'll find out." We walked for what seemed another hour. My breathing got heavier as I grew tired.

- Snap -

We both turned around, back to back. Silence. I held my crowbar ready to swing and Daryl loaded his crossbow. We stood there apprehensive for another minute. Nothing. When we were about to move on we heard some leaves and dry branches break. Something was definitely out there. I looked at his and nodded. Slowly we walked away from each other around the noise. I walked carefully, whatever was making the noise stopped. A few more feet and I found Daryl again.

"What the?" I said. Both of us looked confused. I shrugged and made my way back, looking down at my steps. As I walked carefully I heard branches breaking, I figured it was Daryl but when I lifted my head to look the walker jumped over me. "Holy shit!" It took my breath away. I grabbed it by the shoulders and tried to push it away. "Da- Daryl!" I tried to yell. "Fuck! Fucking sum bitch!" I looked to my sides looking for my weapon. Daryl never showed up. _He can't hear me. Probably left, wouldn't it be easier for him?_ Slowly my arms were giving in. _What if? What if all of this is over? What am I surviving for? One bite, one scratch. And it's all over. All of this pain._

I was in some sort of trance, when the walker was about ten inches away I flinched due to the pain on my shoulder, it woke me up. "Oh no. No, no, no, no, no" I pushed the geek away once again, the fear in my face could only be compared to the one that hick I saved back in Atlanta had. "Mother fucker. Daryl!" I shouted, loud this time. Nothing. Nobody came. With all the strength I had left I pushed the walker off of me and rolled away from it. I stood up and luckily for my crowbar close enough. I started swinging it like a baseball bat, after some hitting my shoulder couldn't take it anymore the weapon fell of my hands. "Fuck me." I said as pissed off as never before. "Daryl!" I yelled to my back as I grabbed my weapon once again. The walker, all beaten up still came at me. It looked like a middle aged lumberjack, taller than Shane with big, strong arms. I took more distance from it when I realized he was really close, as I stepped back it grabbed my shirt. I pulled away and the shirt tore apart revealing my tank top and the bandage around me. "Leave me you freak!" I took the shirt off. With all the strength I had left I raised both arms and smashed the geek's head, and so it dropped on the ground, and never got back up.

I spat on it and sat. "Shit." I said recovering my breath. Seconds later, I heard something getting closer, really fast. I stood up and grabbed my crowbar. It was Daryl. "Da fuck took ya so long?!" I barked. "Damn it." He looked surprised I managed to kill that giant freak on my own, with a crowbar only. Suddenly he squinted; I looked at my chest and saw the bandage popping off. _Shit._ I quickly tucked it in and grabbed the shirt from the ground, put it on and button whatever buttons were left. "'s go." I ordered. Daryl turned and I followed him.

We came to a clearing and saw a big house up front. It looked abandoned. Daryl looked at me and signaled for me to go to the back. Quietly I got inside; the floor creaked so I had to be more careful. The house was empty, abandoned. But, it looked like after the people that left, no one found this house. It was just as they had left it, or at least it looked like it. I accidentaly bumped a door and the next thing I see is Daryl's crossbow pointing at me. "Hey. Jus' me. May bad" I raised my hands. He looked at me and turned around; I walked behind him to the next room. I entered the room and saw Daryl crossbow up pointing at a closet. I stood closely behind him, he opened it and we realized it was empty, except for a makeshift bed on the floor. _Weird._

Daryl walked away while I grabbed everything in stock. Tore one of the curtains of and made a bag out of it. If the house wasn't ransacked before, it sure was now. _Take what you can, leave nothing behind. _"A pirate's life for me" I sang sarcastically.

"Sophia!" Daryl called. "Sophia!" Once done I walked outside and stood by the door. I watched Daryl kneel and grab a flower. I leaned by the door and half smiled. He stood up and turned around. He tilted his head and I walked to him. "'s go. There's nothin' here." I nodded and walked by his side this time. "You gon' tell me?" he asked, when we were deep in the forest.

"'Bout the bag?" I played dumb. "Took everythin' in there."

"Naw. 'bou' tha' thing on yer chest." he coldly said looking at me by the corner of his eye.

I ran a hand through my hair and looked away "Naw. 's none of yer business… yet."


	13. Chapter 13: Finish

**CHAPTER 13: FINISH LINE**

_Finally. _The clearing of Hershel's land was coming to sight. I never thought I'd be glad to be back. Probably the awkward walk with Daryl made me uncomfortable. All I wanted now was to be by myself.

Daryl and I parted ways as we got closer to our camp. I headed off to the house to grab my things and Daryl vanished inside the RV.

Lost in my thought I quietly and patiently settled my tent. At the back of the camp, a little far away from all.

"Need a hand?" a southerns drawl interrupted my train of thoughts.

"Naw. I like doin' it." I said without stopping to look neither up nor to my side. Though I had to admit I tensed up, whether he noticed it or not, he didn't act on it.

"Don' be stupid..." Daryl said as he leaned and helped me pull the tent up. We finished the details quietly, none trying to make conversation.

I stood back up and looked at Daryl, "Don' trust me no more don' cha?" I said standing strong, "Ain' tha' why ya helpin'?" I licked my lips challenging.

"We all have a past we ain' willin' ta tell." he simply replied. I didn't make any comments back. We just stared at each other's eyes for some seconds. Somehow that remark didn't comfort me completely.

Carol broke our staring contest when she called us for dinner. T-Dog, Glenn, Daryl and I all sat together first inside the RV. We ate quickly, Glenn tried some small talk but no one followed. As soon as we were done, we disappeared.

I walked into my tent and took my shoes off. _Hum. Do I take it off? What if I oversleep? _"Not tonight." I said to myself.

* * *

><p>"Mornin'." Shane said to me as I stepped outside my tent, half-eyed.<p>

"'Sup." I greeted hoarsely and smirked. I headed off to our water source and drank some, washed my face and teeth.

"Good morning guys." Rick greeted as he passed by Andrea and T-Dog. "Let's get goin'." Daryl, Shane, Andrea, T-Dog and I all gathered around Carol's Cherokee, staring at the map atop. "Everyone's getting new search grids today." he began. I stood beside Daryl and looked at the map. Minutes later the teenager, Jimmy came by and offered his help. Rick questioned him before he took the boy in. Jimmy claimed Hershel was ok with it and Rick did not argue any further. I heard some footsteps and looked to my side. Dale approached with the bag of guns.

Daryl was interested in covering new grounds and so was I. "Imma borrow a horse 'n' head up to this ridge right 'ere. Get a bird sight view o' the whole grid... She's up there I'll spot 'er."

"Good idea. Maybe you'll see yer chupacabra up there too..."

"Chupacabra?" Rick asked.

"Our first night back in camp," Dale started somehow amused. "Daryl tells us the whole thing reminds him of the time he went squirrel hunting and saw a chupacabra." Jimmy laughed and Daryl got pissed. Shane called Jimmy's attention and I took that moment to show Rick the ground I'd cover.

"Here," I pointed at the map. "If Daryl's goin' up, then I'll go down... Woods are too thick ta see somethin'."

"Sounds good." He agreed, I nodded and left to my tent for my weapons.

I opened my bag and grabbed one of the knives I found back in the highway. I tucked it in my cargo pants and covered it with my shirt. I came out and saw everyone heading to their search areas. I walked to my spot, checked for everything I needed and walked inside the forest. I walked around and called Sophia every now and then. Being in the forest on my own made me remember my childhood, climbing and running around with my cousins. I looked at the ground watching my steps, guessing tracks I picked up on.

After hours of searching around without any success I stopped to rest, the heat and humidity of the environment made breathing not so easy, I sat on a fallen log. _Man, I really didn' think 'bout bringin' food. Dumbass._ I stood up and continued my search. Complaining wouldn't be of any help. "Everything's on yer mind. It's all psychological. No pain or weakness is real." I repeated to myself.

I reached to a clearing and saw a stream up front. I laid down and drank some water. It was gross, but I didn't care. I stood up and looked up. _This is ma finish line. It's yers now Daryl._

I turned around and continued my search in another direction. An abrupt rambling of leaves caught my attention. I stopped moving and focused, once I could locate the source I crouched and hid. Through the bushes I could see four walkers, I identified a female and two male. One straggler was catching up. The first looked like a frat boy; the woman was about Lori's age, very skinny; the other male was bald and shirtless; and the last one, still catching up was a black teen. These walkers were disgusting; their smell was like nothing I've ever smelled before, they were apparently bit and left. Their skin was green and they mouths were claw-like.

I slowly backed away from them but the snap of a twig alerted them. _Fuck. Just my luck._ I sighed and stood up, all four looked at me. I slowly took a step back, the second my foot touched the ground I turned and ran, for my life.

All my years of sports practice were paying in this world, being really agile I easily dodged upcoming branches and fallen logs. I ran towards the creek, to that clearing. Looking back I realized only two walkers were following me now, the bald and the woman. I sped up and by the time I reached the stream I was panting, barely breathing. I dropped myself on the floor and drank water, so I did until I heard the moans were close again. I stood up breathing heavily, looked left, and then right. I was about to turn right and run when something on the left caught my attention. I squinted and step by step walked towards it, and then I got it.

Daryl.

_Oh no. _"Daryl? Daryl. Daryl!" I called as I began running towards him. From the distance I could see and arrow through his side. "Hey. Hey, hey, hey. C'mon man." I said as I shook him by the shoulders. He wasn't waking up.

I heard moans at my back and realized the bald and the female walkers had reached the stream and saw me. They were already stumbling towards us so I had to leave Daryl, I couldn't carry him. "Dammit!" I cursed and wiped the sweat of my face, or tears. "Fuck. I'm sorry man. I'm so sorry." I said as I stepped away from his unconscious body.

"Hey!" I yelled as I threw rocks at the two walkers. "Hey you freaks! This way!" I ran to the opposite side of the clearing and the walkers staggered behind me, away from Daryl.

I didn't have even the slightest idea of where I was and what had been of the other two walkers. After what seemed like miles of running around I realized the moans behind had become singular. I turn my head back and realized only the woman was following me now. _Come on._ I ran a bit faster, turned around and faced the walker, waiting for it to get closer. Once it was a feet away I knelt and grabbed my knife. When the walker stretched its hands and crouched to grab me I jumped up, knife going right through her jaw and out her skull. The woman fell and I pulled the knife free. I actually looked for the other walkers but couldn't find them.

"Daryl" I remembered and ran back to the place I had last seen him. He wasn't there. "Daryl!" I yelled turning around in circles. "Son of a bitch."

I looked at the walkers lying around and recognized them. Panic settled in. _What if he got bit or even scratched and went back to camp?_ I battled inside my head, Daryl wouldn't be that stupid. He had said so himself. One thing was for sure, he was injured as hell. And so I went on looking for him in the woods, calling his name and Sophia every now and then.

I was going to call it for the day and head back to the farm, hoping he was there, human. If not, there would be two people I had to look for.

"Daryl!" _C'mon man, where are ya? _"So–"

- Gunshot -

_Oh no. Please, please tell me that wasn't Daryl being shot. Please._ I started running towards the shot. It never occurred to me that the gunshot might not have come from the farm. Whenever I felt I was getting closer I sped up, unconsciously. I ran as if it were a race, jumping through fallen logs and swamps; protecting my face as much as I could from branches and bushes on trees. In all, it was not an easy task.

* * *

><p>At first sight, I couldn't see anyone. A worried look all over my face. I ran towards our camp, looking for someone, but it really was Daryl the one I was hoping to find.<p>

"Daryl!" I yelled one last time before heading to the house.

"Hey man," T-Dog called and I turned to look at him. "What happened?"

"Dog! Where's Daryl? He 'k? Where's everyone?" I spoke shaken.

"Dude yer panting. Chill out..." He tried to calm me down. "He's been shot, by Andrea." I shook my head and cursed inside.

"He bit?" my voice cracked.

"We don't know yet." he tensed up.

"What d'ya mean by 'we don' know yet'? Whether he is or he ain't!" I didn't pay attention to what he had last said. Instead, I ran to the house. Up ahead were Andrea and Dale sitting at the porch.

"Da hell happened?!" I yelled exasperated.

"What happened to you son?" Dale was taken aback by my appearance. "Where d'you go? You're terrible."

"Yeah, yeah. 's nothin'," I shoved my hand. "Where's Daryl? He ok?" I tapped my feet clearly uneasy.

"Hershel's stitching him up. He's fine, relax." Dale waved his hands trying to make me calm down. The only thing it made was anger me further.

I ignored him and got inside the house. As I approached the rooms I heard two people whispering. I squinted and leaned on a wall, hidden from view. I picked up Shane's and Lori's voices. When I saw her leave I moved forward.

"Ya 'k man?" I asked Shane. Seeing him actually made me calm down.

"Ya, ya. I'm fine. How 'bout cha?" he checked me out.

"I'm ok. Ya know, ya can come ta me anytime. I got yer back, always." Shane only nodded and never raised his face again, he only walked away staring at his cap.


	14. Chapter 14: Qualities

_Italics: OC'S thoughts_

**CHAPTER 14: QUALITIES**

"Daryl!" I opened the door worried. Hershel was there cleaning his sutures. Daryl tried to turn and look at me but clearly couldn't, so I entered the room. "Ya 'k? Da hell happened ta ya?"

"Stupid horse," he said as he accommodated his head on the pillow, bare chested. "Fell of a cliff, arrow went inta me."

"Ya, I know tha' shi'." He looked at me sort of claiming. "I found ya."

He looked offended now. "Da hell didn' ya do nothin' ta the walkers?!"

"'cause I had two more after me..." I explained. "I found ya unconscious while I was bein' chasen. Two got lost and apparently found ya later..."

Daryl just listened to me, never looked straight to my face. He also didn't make any attempt in covering his scars even though Hershel wasn't cleaning his side anymore. I looked at his face, never at his body. I had some scars myself.

"Son," Hershel interrupted and stood up. "You can use the shower over there. Here you have some alcohol to clean those wounds." he looked at my arms and face.

I ran a hand through my chin and looked at it. Blood. _Oh look. Though' it was sweat_. "Nah, ferget the alcohol, I'll jus' wash it. They're nothin'." Hershel nodded and left the room.

"Dude," I looked at Daryl. "I tried ta wake ya. I ran ta you while the walkers were still far behind. I tried, I hit ya, slapped ya, but ya weren' wakin' up." My hands moved frantically through the air as I spoke. The second I mentioned that I tried to wake him he squinted. I rested my head in my palms and muttered, "'m sorry."

"Ya look terrible. Yer bleedin'..." he looked at my arms and I followed. The tiny cuts and bruises were visible as the dirt was getting dry.

I ran my dirty hands to clean it, "'s nothin'." We stood there in silence for a few more seconds, I kept my eyes down. After some minutes I stood up and nodded goodbye, he nodded back and so I left the room. I walked to my tent; everyone minded their own business for the first time. I went inside and grabbed clean stuff. Pants, shirts, bandage and soap. I also grabbed a new pair of sneakers. My body was cooling off so the little wounds were starting to itch. I sort of limped to Hershel's house.

"Matt." someone called. I turned to see Dale approach.

"Ya?" I looked at him with eager eyes.

"Did you hurt yerself?" His eyes ran up and down my body.

"Naw, why?" I asked crossed. After giving his question a second thought I raised my eyebrows challenging, "I ain' bit if that's what yer thinkin'."

"You're limping son..." he pointed at my left leg.

"Naw, 's jus' a weak knee, 's all." Dale looked skeptical. I didn't have time for non-believers, so my patience was over. I sighed visibly pissed. "Damn it. Can' ya see ma pants? No blood. I ain' bit." I abruptly turned around and continued my way to the house. Inside, the women were setting the table for dinner; I walked past them to the bathroom.

Once inside, I dropped myself on the floor and breathed in and out. My whole body was burning. I took my shoes off and relaxed, gathered some energy to take a shower. I slowly undressed myself being careful with my cuts, which bled more every time. I opened the shower; the water felt like knives through my skin, I ran the soap cleaning every inch of my body. I was sick of feeling so dirty. I looked up and let the cold water pour down my face and then turned the faucet off.

I stepped out and looked myself in the mirror, my skin was not pale white anymore; being under the sun everyday had given me a more honey like skin tone. I noticed my hair was getting longer so I searched for scissors in the bathroom. I gathered my hair and straightened it up above my head. Without a doubt I cut it off the initial length in it had in this new world. I got dressed, grabbed my dirty clothes and left.

On my way out I went and checked up on Daryl once more before dinner. I knocked the door and slightly opened it.

"Can I?" I murmured. Daryl looked over his shoulder and nodded. He laid on the bed in the same position as before, bare chested. I got in and walked to the other side of the room, "Check me ou', I'm fine. Told ya."

"Why d'ya apologize?" he inquired. Confused. "Earlier..."

"'cause I couldn' help ya— I got rid of one of the walkers behind me and lost the other one. I— I went back fer ya, but ya weren' there... I recognized the shits on the groun' 'cause there were after me too..."

"Ye got four behind ya? Why did ya wai' so long?" his voice tone changed.

"'Cause I— I... I couldn' kill 'em. Couldn' kill 'em all..." I stuttered and my voice cracked. I lowered my face in shame. "I ain' strong."

"Don' be so hard on yerself." He comforted calmly. "Ya need ta learn how ta use more weapons, guns."

"Yeah..." I bit my lip and ran a hand through the back of my head. My stomach made a dying whale sound and Daryl snorted.

"Didn' ya eat?"

"Naw, not ye'. Dinner's ready, jus' came up ta check on ya." I stood up and walked towards the door.

"Ya owe me nothin'." Daryl said and I stopped and looked down at him from the side.

"Seems like it..." I shrugged. "Bu' I jus' can' walk past it." I bit my lip nervously and almost automatically my left hand rubbed the back of my neck.

* * *

><p>"Can sit 'ere..." Shane said to me when I shot a quick glance at them as I headed to the door. I stopped and looked at them, embarrassed.<p>

"I got sum on ma bag. 's ok. Don' worry bou' me." I excused myself.

"Ye say tha' a lot don't' cha?" Shane spoke freely.

"I—"

"You're part of the group," Rick interrupted. Apparently I unconsciously slightly shook my head, so he continued, "You might not feel that way, but you are."

"Thank you..." Carol cutt in. I was growing uncomfortable so bit my lip to calm me down. "For looking for my little girl."

I rubbed my arm and shook my head "Anyone would've done it."

"Come on man," Shane encouraged me. I haven't seen him in this mood a long time ago. "Ye ma partner now." I noticed he and Rick shot resentful looks at each other. I awkwardly walked into the dining room.

"Where'd all yer confidence go?" T-Dog whispered as I passed behind him.

"There's none." I admitted. I sat at the corner of the table, next to Shane and Carol. The dinner was rather quiet. I limited myself to eating my food and leave. "Hey Carol..." I muttered as she swallowed to reply.

"Yes dear?"

"Would ya mind takin' sum ta Daryl?" I blurted out and immediately shoved a spoonfull into my mouth.

"Sure. I was actually going to ask you, but you must be tired. It's no problem."

"Thanks." The corner of my mouth uncounsciously lift up in a small smile.

* * *

><p>The next morning I woke up and almost immediately left my tent, thinking I overslept. I saw Maggie handing Glenn something then him walk away tense. He approached me and gave me a peach, as quickly as he came he left. <em>Odd.<em>

I walked past Daryl's tent, being the closest to mine. He was back in camp with us again. I greeted him and continued my way to our water source.

"Hey!" Rick called me on my way back to camp.

"Ya. jus' gimme a sec." I replied showing the things in my hands. I jogged to my tent and went back to Shane and the others. Beth and Patricia were talking to him so I waited a few feet away. When they were finished I took Shane's spot as he walked away.

"Where yer headin' this time?" I asked.

"North." Rick replied and explained their theory.

"Seems logical. But lemme go once again ta the house we talked abou', then Imma head ta the highway," I pointed my path on the map. "check if there's any news."

"There's gun practice today." He raised a brow at me and I frowned.

"So?" I turned around and checked the camp.

"You might wanna stay and practice..."

"Next time it'll be. I can manage maself pretty fine with wha' I have." I drawled and took some steps away from where we were. Tried to get it started with sooner rather than later. "'sides... Got much groun' ta cover."

"I can't let you go on your own." He muttered. I looked at Rick bewildered. His eyes and mine stared at each other for some seconds before he looked down and kicked dirt. I caught some sparkles in his blue eyes before he looked away.

I shifted to the side, annoyed. "I can do i' on ma own. I've already been there; anyone else would jus' slow me down."

"Guess yer catching on some qualities 'round here..." he mocked and his eyes fixated on a tent behind me. I followed his line of sight and knew he meant Daryl.

I scoffed cocky. "I'll be back."

I walked to my tent to change into more comfortable clothes and prepare myself. Grabbed a pair of smooth cargo pants, those with zippers around the knees. I accommodated my bandage; put a tank top on and a sleeveless shirt buttoned up just to cover the corsé. Put on some short socks and a knee brace on my left knee. _Jus' don' whine taday 'k?_ I lightly massaged my right knee; it started to hurt while walking. I might have injured it while running in the forest the day before.

"Hey," I heard someone call as I walked past some tents. "Where yer headin'?" A thick southern accent I could easily recognize made me detour.

I tilted my head as I walked towards Daryl's tent, "Forest 'n' highway." I said bluntly. _Why 'm I reporting in?_

"On yer own?" he frowned as he played with an arrow, his tone full of concern.

"Ya... Rick said I'm learnin' new qualities 'cause of my decision." I snorted and Daryl did the same.

"Take care." He nodded.

"Yeah I kno'... Whatever." I replied coldly and left.

"... After ya later..." Was what I managed to understand after he raised his voice for me to hear while I walked away from him. Without turning back to look at him I raised a hand and waved goodbye.


	15. Chapter 15: Sides

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 15: SIDES**

Once inside the forest the temperature cooled off a bit. It was not as hot as out in the clear. This time I took two knives and the ax. It proved to be a better weapon that my loyal crowbar.

I first headed to the creak were I had found Daryl the day before, it was the closest to camp. The two walkers were still there, lying on the ground. I reached them and recovered Daryl's arrow. Then followed the creak north a few miles, climbed and thought I might finish the search on Daryl's grid since he couldn't the last time. I hung the ax with my belt and pulled it over my shoulder.

"Shit!" I yelled when I slipped and sled down the hill once again. The falling stopped when my back hit a tree, "Aw damn it..." I slowly stood up and climbed up again.

I finally reached the top and decided to continue right. Walking around I found nothing, besides it was getting boring. I ended up going to the house Daryl and I found. I emptied that house when I was there; if there was anything new I'd spot it. Nothing, not even the dust changed. Finding the house in the same conditions I've left it gave me two thoughts, one good and one bad. I left the house and went deep into the forest. I was getting good at tracking, I believed, never ended in the same place as before. Never got lost.

I followed a small path I picked up and ended on the highway. I followed it and found the traffic jam, our well known traffic jam. Nothing new there, nothing. The supplies left for Sophia were still there, intact. The message though, it was fading away. Automatically, out of instinct I wrote it down again. It was a lost cause, I knew it, and they all knew it. It was just hard to admit it.

I located the water truck Shane found, and hoped there was water left.  
>"How come we didn' take all this?" I complained. There were at least 5 Jerry cans left untouched. "How am I gonna carry'em?"<p>

I tried to make the truck work but there was no use in it. I cleaned the sweat off my face and tried to focus on my task. It was impossible, something was clouding my mind and it was impossible to concentrate.

"Fuck! Come on!" I hit the steering wheel, pissed off.

I left the truck and unloaded the 5 jerry cans, looked around and walked to a nearby minivan; its dome caught my attention. I just needed tools and rope.

* * *

><p>"Holy shit!" I exclaimed when the weight of my mutiny was pulling me down with it. I sled with it all the way to the clearing. The water would make it easier to carry. The sun was going down quickly so I had to hurry. I dragged the dome though the forest, making my way back to camp. My knees were shaking with every step I took, becoming weaker each time. The darker it got, the bigger the fear inside grew.<p>

"Come on" I pushed myself. "Told 'em I was goin' ta get back today. Daryl's gon' have ta look for me. He can't." I unbuttoned my shirt, leaving the tank top at plain sight.

_No one'll see me in the dark. _I would have to look for another knee brace; one was turning out to be insufficient. I could feel a slight rubbing inside my right knee. I didn't even look for Sophia anymore. _I'm so sorry. But there's a limit to everything._

Small shimmers of light guided my way, and just like that I felt the cool breeze again. _I'm back._

"Just a few more. Come on." The night had fallen so no one could see me. We were actually very exposed out there. Only when I called the person atop the RV more of them came out.

"The hell with y'all!" I accused. "I coulda been a walker."

"I'm sorry..." Dale apologized. "I was looking the other way." He said as he gave his back at Hershel's barn.

"Yea, yea. Got y'all sum more water..."I shoved the rope at Rick's chest and walked away, not looking at his face.

"Hey." he turned around and called.

I stopped and looked at him. I slightly closed my eyes and shook my head. He understood. I turned and continued my way up to my tent. I got inside and died of weariness. I dropped myself on the floor to relax, my entire body ached.

"Matt, honey?" Carol's soft voice made me sit up straight. I sighed a bit louder that normal, "I'm sorry if I woke you up. How are you doing?"

"Sorry. I'm jus' tired." I apologized.

"I thought about bringing you some food before going back to sleep. I saved some for you"  
>"Thank you very much. Appreciate it. You shouldn't've bothered."<p>

"Of course. You're always thinking about others first. And it's a way of thanking you for all that you've done for my little girl."

I lowered my face and stared at my feet. I couldn't look her in the eyes and make her believe I was still hoping to find her daughter alive when the truth was it all became a habit. All I could do was grab the plate from her hands and nod in gratitude.

After eating dinner I took off my clothes, the night was the darkest ever and I took advantage of it. I slept in tight shorts and without bandages. I pulled my bag closer to me and tucked my hand inside; I pulled a bottle of painkillers and swallowed three at once.I pushed the bag away and slept.

* * *

><p>The next day I woke up early, fully rested. Put on my regular clothes and left the tent for breakfast. I saw Shane walk away from camp, headed to one of the fences. I jogged and caught up with him. I patted on his shoulder and he jumped.<p>

"Where yer headin' ta?" I mocked. He chuckled and then turned serious.

"If I told ya sumthin'... Would ya tell someone else?" he asked but never looked at me.

"Naw... Ain' trustin' no one 'ere." I admitted while I stared at him intently. We sat on the ground, a bit out of sight from the rest of the camp. I patiently waited for him to talk.

"What happened to Otis..." he began, "What I said..." his eyes were fixated on the ground. "I lied." I showed no emotion, just waited for him to continue. I didn't judge him for whatever he did to that man. "Y– ye– d'ya believe we'll fin' 'er?" Shane asked and looked straight to my face for an answer. "Sophia, I mean."

"Yeah.. I kno'." I nodded and looked away from him. I stared at the horizon and after a few seconds I faced him. "Honestly... No. We ain' findin' 'er no more– Not alive at least." I didn't even try to sugarcoat my words; they were like daggers coming out of my mouth. "Do ya?"

"Naw man. That's wha' I've been tryin' ta tell Rick. He don' get it..." he complained. "It's jus' time everyone accepts it already." I looked over my shoulder and managed to see that some people were awake.

"Hey, 's go..." We approached the camp and Carol handed us plates with some bizarre food. Shane and I looked at each other for a while, both hungry as hell and ate it.

"Guys." Glenn interrupted breakfast time. I looked up for a second and continue eating. "So… The barn's full of walkers..." was all I managed to hear and my face switched to anger, pure rage. I swallowed the last bit of food on my plate and immediately made my way to the barn, they all followed after me.

"Hey." Shane put an arm on my stomach to make me slow down and he quickened his pace, getting first to the barn. He looked through the woods of the barn's door and instantly stepped back. He accused Rick of risking our lives sleeping next to those things. A strong argument had begun. I stared at the door, lost in my thoughts. "We've been talkin' 'bou' Fort Benning, Rick." Shane's voice woke me from my thoughts. Rick interrupted him and said we couldn't leave. Carol stepped in and mentioned her daughter was still out there. I couldn't help but snort at the nonsense they were saying. Shane clearly couldn't take it anymore and said what everyone didn't want to hear. "I think it's jus' time we start to consider other possibilities." he politely stated. _I would've been much more cruel._

"Shane we're not leaving Sophia behind."

"I'm close ta findin' this girl. I jus' got her damn doll two days ago!" Daryl stepped in.

"Ye found a doll, Daryl." Shane shot a quick glance at me, I was ready to back him up. "Tha' what ya did, ye found a doll."

"How much time has passed since the inciden'? Huh? I'm sorry Carol bu' it's time y'all open yer eyes and realize the situation 'round." I said. "She wouldn' last."

"Y'all know hell yer talkin' 'bout!" Daryl jumped. Seconds later Daryl and Shane were trying to get into a fight, Rick stepped in between.

Rick finished by saying he'll talk to Hershel about the walkers when Dale spoke up. The argument altered the walkers who were now rocking the barn door. Everyone stepped away. "Let's wait until Hershel wakes up. I'll talk to him," Rick spoke. His arms stretched to keep the calm around. I walked around visibly pissed. "I'll talk to him." Rick repeated looking at me particularly.

They all scattered around, I stood close to Shane. He turned and looked at me, he ordered me to go around the opposite side of the barn. I walked and checked every inch of that barn. I wanted to open it so badly.

It was all about taking sides now.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'll just take a moment and give very special thanks to The Scorpion Sleeps for the help :) THANK YOU!**


	16. Chapter 16: Survival

_Italics: OC'S thoughts_

**CHAPTER 16: SURVIVAL**

Shane and I walked around the barn a thousand times. Andrea approached and offered her help. Shane immediately sent her back to get the guns. We couldn't walk around unarmed anymore, not with those things so close to camp.

"Hey…" I called Shane, "check this out." I showed him some sort of ladder; maybe they used it to feed the walkers, if they ever did. Shane took a step at it and tested his weight. "That ain' gon' hold yer weigh'"

Shane was in no mood for jokes. I shoved him away and quickly climbed up and inside the barn. I counted at least 15 walkers; they easily caught my scent and stretched trying to catch me. I felt a little concerned with the thought of those things climbing outside the barn at night, catching us off guard. _We have ta get rid of 'em._ The stuffed odor inside the barn made my eyes teary and my stomach churn. I quickly left the barn for fresh air.

"At least 15," I said to Shane as I jumped back on the ground. "There's 'nother ladder inside" I've seen walkers climb fences; a ladder wouldn't be much harder I guessed.

Shane was hysterical.

We split to cover the spots we figured were more dangerous, an opening on one side top and the main door. I sat and stared at the door, I didn't know what to expect. Any second that door could fall down and walking corpses scatter around. And we walked around unarmed. _Ridiculous._ I looked around looking for some thick branch or machete I could use; it still wouldn't be of any help. There were too many of them.

Some hours later I saw Rick approach, we both shot glances at each other. Whatever sort of relationship or agreement we had at first was fading away, as our differences concerning how to handle this world were increasing.

The day was slowly getting hotter as the sun sat high in the sky. I ran a hand through my hair; it was wet from the sweat. I waved at Shane and signaled that I was going to get us water, he nodded and I ran to the main camp.

"So… jus' like tha'?" someone began when I took hold of a jerry can. "Ya gave up?"

"Daryl–" he cut me off. My voice tone wasn't angry or annoyed, it actually sounded tired.

"No." he firmly stated. "Though' ya didn' give up huh? So ya gave up on ma brother too?"

That was a low one. "Don' ya dare bring yer brother in this." I turned around to face him, challenging. "His situation had nothin' ta do with this."

"How's it differen'? Ya gave up on him. That's wha' ya did! Ye though' he was gon' get ya both killed 'cause of the blood. Ya left him ta die alone!" his voice was full of accusation and it cracked a bit in the end.

We argued and interrupted each other's yells, not paying even the slightest attention to what the other one was saying. The argument was going to get physical, we stood inches away. Fuming.

"It's different. Damn it, it jus' is! Ya wouldn' fuckin' understand!" I wouldn't stand small. It was really getting on my nerves, and I was not a very calm person. "Look the fuck around man! It's nonsense what ya'll thinkin' and believin' in. Look at me," I stretched my arms out, showing my body off. "I'm 29!" My teeth clenched. _Fuck._ I cursed inside. I lost it; _Buddy, ya just broke a rule._ I made a mistake and couldn't pull my act together again. "I– I… B– Barely…" I stammered until words poured out again. Daryl quickly figured it out and he squinted. "'n' I– I barely managed to hold on 'till now! But wha' 'bou' her huh? She's wha'? 8? 12? There's no fuckin' way a 12 year ol' will survive in this kinda world."

Daryl wanted to hit me. Hard. I felt it. I wanted to hit him too, if hitting him would make him realize how weak he has been and make him wake up. Instead, and at the same time we both turned around and walked away. _It's been so long._

* * *

><p>"Hey!" I yelled at Shane when I got back to my spot, he approached and lifted the water to stabilize it so it would be easier to drink.<p>

"Imma– Imma head ta camp," he stammered. "Check on everyone…"

I sarcastically stretched an arm and showed him the way. "Um… Don' go ta Daryl. He migh' still be pissed. Prolly hit ya." I tried to calm the bitterness in my voice. Shane left. He ran a hand through the back of his head, tick that I had also acquired.

"Hey," Andrea greeted from the back a while later. "How you doin'?"

"Holdin' in," I dryly replied. "Sick of everything. Sounds more accurate." I looked ahead at the barn.

She nodded in understanding, "Well, I'm here to help." Since Andrea quitted the womanly activities we got along better. I tilted my head at Shane's spot and she immediately walked towards it.

After about another hour I turned around in my seat and look at the camp. There were less and less people each time. T-Dog caught my sight and waved, I waved back so he headed our way.

"Have ya seen Rick or Daryl?" he asked as he got closer.

"Naw. Why?" I cocked my head to the side and frowned. Matter of fact I couldn't see Shane anymore.

"Where is everyone?" Andrea asked while she looked around and joined T-Dog and me. "Rick 'n' I were supposed to leave and continue the search hours ago but Hershel took 'im… What's goin' on?"

"Let's find out." my tone was dead. My face was full of darkness. T-Dog and Andrea looked at me and we headed to the house.

"Haven't ya seen Shane?" I asked T-Dog on our way to the house.

"Saw him walk to the woods a while ago," he replied. "Something's not ok man."

Things didn't look well at all. Very particular calm before the storm.

As we reached the house so did Daryl and Carol. Of our people only Glenn, Lori and Carl were there. Daryl complained about no one taking things seriously, and he was right. "Oh. Here we go..." Daryl stopped complaining.

"Finally." I muttered when I saw Shane.

Shane couldn't take it anymore, it was enough. He walked towards us with the bag of guns on his shoulder. He asked Daryl if he joined him as he handed us both shotguns. Daryl thought it over for a split second before grabbing it; I almost shoved the other gun off Shane's hand. I watched Daryl and copied what he did. While Shane pep talked everyone around, Daryl quickly taught me how to use the weapon.

"Here… And here." he taught.

"Easy. Not much different from videogames then." I nerdly replied, he only squinted.

"Oh shit!" T-Dog said surprised.

We all looked at him and further. Stepping out from the forest was Jimmy, a walker, then Rick, followed by Hershel and finally another walker.

"What the fuck is this?!" I cursed and immediately ran towards them.

"What is that!" Shane spoke while he ran by my side, not believing what was in front of us.

"Shane! Shane! Matt! Stop!" the others yelled at us.

_What is wrong with these people?! What the fuck happened to Rick? He don' remember what this things can do? What the hell?! _I was ready to punch Rick straight through the face. I sped up ready to jump him. How could he risk everyone just like that, we were all defenseless in that farm.

"What the hell are you doin'?!" Shane yelled. Rick turned to look at him; the walker was busy chasing Jimmy so I took hold of that moment to hit Rick but someone grabbed me from behind.

"Fuck! Lemme go! Don' y'all see this?! Don' y'all realize what they're doin?" I fought against the person stopping me. Suddenly he let go and walked away. I turned around pissed and saw Glenn grabbing his gun again.

"Naw man you don't!" Shane kept yelling at Rick and Hershel.

"Did ya ferget everything?!" I yelled in between.

"This things ain' sick! They're not people! They're dead! Ain' gon' feel nothin' for them 'cause all they do, they kill!" Shane chastised Rick and everyone else, as he named the deceased. "Hey Hershel, man," he spoke calmly after a while. "Lemme ask ya somethin'..." He began as he shot at the female walker. He kept on shooting teaching Hershel what he didn't know or refused to acknowledge. The others looked, our people, they had all lowered their guards and lived. There was no room for living anymore; it was all about survival and holding on to life. Everything could be over in any second.

"Enough!" Shane and I yelled.

"Enough riskin' our lives for a lil' girl who's gone! Enough livin' next to a barn full of things that are tryin' ta kill us!" Shane walked and stood beside me, giving our backs to the barn door. All eyes were on us; we both yelled and accused everyone for their calm attitude during an apocalypse. "Enough!" it was the appropriate word. "Rick it ain' like it was before"

"Seriously did y'all ferget everything we've been through?" I spoke, "Did ya'll ferget the CDC?! What happened in Atlanta?! We survive! That's all we do!" I finished the statement yelling.

Shane patted on my back as he stepped away from the barn raising his gun. I turned around and copied. Not sure if whatever I was doing was ok, or if I was going to do a good job. I saw Daryl on one side then T-Dog at the other, I looked at Daryl and he nodded at me, giving me some sort of confidence. He took aim and shot once, a walker went down.

I swallowed hard and did the same. "Nice shot!" Daryl encouraged. It seemed like the world had slowed down and spinned faster at the same time. I went ballistic and shot at the walkers.

And just like that, it was over. And I breathed.

While everyone stood still in their spots digesting what had just happened a small moan caught our attention, as I raised my head to look at the barn; a pair of tiny shoes with red socks came to sight.

_Sophia._


	17. Chapter 17: Let Go

_Italics: OC'S thoughts_

**CHAPTER 17: LET GO**

_Sophia._

My mouth was wide open, words trying to come out but failing. I froze, everyone did. After all this time, after all we've been through. She was never out there waiting for us, hiding in a cave, or up in a tree. She was a walker, stored inside a barn.

The shotgun felt heavy in my arms. Everything was moving in slow motion, our hearts beaten in unison, loud like a base drum. It was like a symphony, each step Sophia gave was a heartbeat.

_How, how did I miss her? I counted. I was inside. _I shook my head feeling like a failure._ Would it make any difference if I knew? No. _I raised my head again and stared at her little body limp towards us.

Then I heard footsteps, fast, accompanied by a loud sob. _Carol._ I didn't flinch, didn't even look over my shoulder to know it was Carol and that it was Daryl the one supposed to stop her.

I lowered my eyes, wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and bit my lip. Another set of footsteps, this one were slower, determined. Rick came to join the bittersweet symphony. With every step he took his gun raised, it stopped when it was at Sophia's height. It took him some time to steady it. I breathed in heavily and the loudest shot came out.

And the tiny body fell to the ground and never got back up again.

It took everyone some seconds to react after Sophia's death, Carol sobbed continuously. I stood still, staring at the bodies. I looked to my side when I heard Beth's loud cries as she walked past me towards the bodies. She grabbed a female walker and the second she turned it over it grabbed her by the hair. Immediately Shane, Rick and Glenn ran to help her.

"Careful it don' scratch her or somethin'." I exclaimed earning a few glares from Lori and Dale for my calm attitude. I shook my head and watched the chaos up front just as Andrea put an end to it. Slowly everyone backed away as Jimmy and Maggie grabbed Beth and took her back to the house, Shane, Rick and Glenn followed them closely. "Damn" I grunted. "Go check inside if there are some blankets or sumthin' we can cover her with" I said to Andrea looking at the barn and then at Sophia. She nodded and went inside.

"We can bury them over those trees" Lori said and I turned to face her. "It's not too far away" she looked at me and I nodded. Shane left to get the truck and Andrea explained to Jimmy the process of this type of situations.

"So burn or bury'll be first?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Show some respect." Lori spat and I rolled my eyes. _We just can't get along_.

"Bury." Andrea muttered. Jimmy handed as shovels and we walked towards the threes besides the barn. Shane returned and I handed him the last shovel.

The memorial was short, silent. No one in the mood for speaking. We all gave the dead their one-minute-silence and each walked away in their own direction. I lingered a little longer staring at Sophia's grave. My sisters were only one and two years older that her. I shook my head in disappointment and let out a loud sigh. I slightly turned my head to my left and watched as Daryl walked away from camp.

"You goin' after him?" Andrea asked. I looked at her and then at Daryl's back.

It took me a little longer than I'd be proud of, but I coldly replied "No." and looked to the ground, at the grave, "Let 'im be." She tilted her head and we walked back to the remaining bodies. I checked out my appearance, nothing out of place. "Burn." I muttered and she nodded.

"Hey, c'mon" T-Dog waved at us as he took hold of a walker's arms. I jogged to catch up and gabbed its feet. Dragging bodies was a tough task, their dead weight could only be handled by two at a time, and they were too heavy for one person. It was a silent task, broken by heavy sighs and loud breathing.

While holding a female walker I shot a glance at the truck and caught Dale leaning on it, holding the rifle and staring at what we were doing. Watching him doing nothing got to every nerve in my body. "We don' need no babysitter, Dale," I began with a thick accent. "We're old 'nough ta handle it. Better than ya I may suggest." He glared at me but didn't reply. Dale adjusted the rifle on his shoulder and looked away. "Ya kno' Dale, we're uneven, as you may have noticed. Ya can len' a hand. We ain' complainin'," he looked at me again. I sarcastically scoffed and turned to him every now and then while continuing my task. Dale didn't even give a hint of movement to help.

"Don't you feel sick?" Dale clearly had a hard time finding the appropriate words. I turned to him as he spoke, "For doing this… it's sick, disrespectful. Wrong."

"One does what's needed to survive, Dale. Nothing else matters." I spoke to the air, giving him a reply. "What, of what we did is wrong? Nothin'. What's wrong is that they kept walkers, close to our camp." I said pointing at Hershel's house and looked at Dale again. "Don' cha tell me ya though' of 'em as people too." I scoffed. "Tha' kind of though', is wha' gets ya killed." I shook my head in disbelief as I dropped the corpse in the truck.

"I'm not saying that–" he stammered. Everything I said was a matter of fact, no lies, and no exaggerations. "There had to be another way we could've dealt with this–"

"How, Dale. Tell me how." I was losing my patience and walked towards him. "Ya don' know shit of what these things are capable of." Disgust written all over my face. "There ain' no other way ta handle 'em."

After a little moment of silence I accused him again. "Lemme tell ya sumthin' old man," I turned to face Dale once again. He stood in the same spot, right hand grabbing the butt of the rifle and his left slowly landing over the trigger. "Seems like ya really haven' witnessed any of the real shit. Ya never had ta face hard situations, situations with no way out. Ya always got that big RV o' yours ta hide. It musta been easy fer ya, yer a man, old, but male sumbitch after all." Dale squinted. I didn't care if he suspected something off in that statement. "Ye found others, damn quickly I may think of," I shot a glance at Andrea and looked at Dale again. His eyes were wide, full of distrust.

I kept dragging the bodies while lecturing him. Andrea and T-Dog didn't bother to stop me or join the accusation. I caught them looking at me every now and then. "Ya were never alone. On yer own for long," I continued. "You don't know what it's like." I slowly spat those words, clearly so they would remain impressed in his mind. My grip on the walker's wrists tightened and my teeth clenched. "Shitty apocalypse has been nice to ya," I scoffed. "Foolish."

Once we were almost over I saw Rick approach, "Few more trips?" he asked. Looking at me once, I gave him a reassuring nod and made my way back to the truck. On the way I heard Andrea defending Shane so I quickened my pace. I half smiled when I heard T-Dog also back him up. _Nice._

"I'm not saying that we shouldn't've taken care of. But–" he complained. _Fuck. He just ain' never gonna let go._ "But creating a panic…" Dale clearly took advantage of the new people around. He knew Lori and Rick would back him up.

"Jeez, Dale!" I yelled as I came to a stop besides Rick. "Fuckin' let go already! Most of us stood by and shot too," I said, hand on my chest. "Fuck I helped him! Stop bein' so determined on blamin' Shane for all."

"There's no point in arguing about it," Lori calmly spoke, stretching a hand at me to calm down. "It's done."

"We better get movin'." T-Dog said after a few seconds of awkward silence. I nodded at him and walked around the truck to the passenger's seat.

Once Andrea hopped to the truck's bed, he drove off. Far away from the house and the rest of the camp. I stared at my dirty hands and groaned, starting to feel sick from the smell; my empty stomach only made things worse.

"You ok?" T-Dog spoke and I looked up to him. I opened my eyes wide a few times to keep the dizziness from beating me. "You–"

"Yeah, I'm fine." My husky voice cut him off before he asked again. "Smell's disgustin'" I continued and looked at the open window. "Can't even cover ma face or wipe ma sweat off"

"Yeah," T-Dog chuckled. "One can never ge' used to it." I nodded and silence again. "How many?" he asked again after a few minutes. I raised a brow and looked at him again. "How many have ya killed?"

"I don' know. Used ta count," I shook my head and chuckled. "Lost count eventually… Loved ones or anyone?" T-Dog shrugged. "Well, loved ones can be easy. Had to deal with 'em only once and get over it. Don' recall findin' any friends though," I mentally started counting, "How 'bout cha?"

"More than I'm proud of. Sadly I did find some friends – they…" he cleared his throat. "They were actually the ones that bit my people." I looked at him and bit my lip; he never turned to look at me again.

"16," I coldly replied. "Couldn't find the rest, they weren't hidin' with us."

"That's a lot," I nodded at him and he continued, "I'm sorry."

I loudly sighed, "Same fer ya." It had been so long since that happened, since I had to put every member of my own family down before having them turn into a walking corpse. I remembered it like it had been years ago yet the pain was still so vivid.

We finally came to a full stop and gathered around some woods to start the fire. I grabbed a body from its feet while Andrea took hold it by the arms, "Do you think this is what kept other walkers from finding this place?" she inquired, we dropped it over the set of branches and I stared at the woods up ahead. I bit my lip nervously and ran a dirty hand through my hair. "I mean… Could it be? We never smelled anything, never even noticed it," I saw her look at me from the corner of my eye, she shrugged. "Maybe– maybe the wind always sent the odor to the woods…"

"Yeah…" I shrugged as we walked back to the truck. "Only time'll tell. We can't know fer sure."

"I don' recall having a strong enough wind to blow such big odor away," T-Dog said and then scoffed. "As if this place was just blessed the apocalypse never stumbled upon it." Andrea and I looked at each other and let out a sarcastic laugh. I looked down at the corpse I was holding and shook my head.

"Here," Shane called as he approached with three makeshift torches. He gave one to me and gave a nod to T-Dog to light it.

"I got fire." I said and turned away from them. I opened one of the pockets of my cargo pants and grabbed a lighter.

"Nice one," I didn't realize I was staring at it until Andrea talked to me. "D'ya smoke? Never thought you'd be a smoker-"

"'cause I'm not." I cut her off. "Used to be my grandpa's… I bought it for 'im," I said sadly as I kept staring at the silver lighter in my palm. His initials still clearly printed. _OBV. Hard Rock Café – Venice._

"You carry it all the time?" she asked, getting closer and stretching her hand to take a look.

I lit the torch and gave her the lighter. I turned to the pile and muttered, "I carry a lot o' things all the time," I said in a matter of fact tone, "Will show ya eventually." I smirked at her and she smiled back as she tossed the lighter back.

The fire quickly grew powerful; we stood a few minutes staring at it. I leaned on the truck's side and touched my stomach. I let out a loud sigh and walked around a few feet from the burning bodies. _Weak ass. Ya can't puke._

"'s head back," Shane said as he wiped his forehead. I looked at him and jumped on the bed. "Hey," he spoke. "Hey, Matt..." I felt his heavy hand lean on my shoulder so I turned to face him. "You ok bud?" he was concerned. He looked straight to my eyes and I looked away from him. "Yer pale."

"I kno'," I said, "Jus' hungry. Don' worry." _Come on. Remember, passing out is something ya can't afford. _I sat down and a huge wave of dizziness invaded my body. I opened my eyes wide and stretched my arm to keep Shane from approaching. "No, no, no. I'm fine." I took a deep breath and immediately turned away from the bed and looked at the grass around. I threw up whatever hint of food was left in my stomach. I felt Shane's hand on my back, inches away from where my corsé ended. I flinched and he lifted his hand. "See," I said tuning back to face him while wiping the remains with my sleeve. "I'm fine."

"Dude, you're burning up." His voice was serious.

_I'm fucked._


	18. Chapter 18: Rag Doll

**CHAPTER 18: RAG DOLL**

_I'm fucked. Can't pass out. Come on, Kat, come on._

"You're burning, Matt." Shane said as he got up and sat next to me on the other side of the truck. He put his hand on my forehead as the world around me span nonstop. I shoved his hand away and grunted. "Hey, T-Dog, man," he bumped the bed's side and T-Dog adjusted the rearview mirror to get a better view of Shane. "Speed up. Need to get to the house now. Guy's fuckin' burnin'"

"Don' need no doc," I growled. I breathed in and out heavily, almost panting. "I'm fine!"

T-Dog sped up, the road was in no condition to do so, so every bump made Shane and I jump from our seats.

"Here!" Andrea loudly exclaimed holding a canteen out the window. Shane stood up and grabbed it, then passed it on to me. I looked away from it so he grabbed me by my nape and forced the liquid into my mouth. The liquid felt strange in my system, it wasn't helping, and the water made me feel more nauseous. I took one last long sip and pushed it away.

I felt weak, in the verge of passing out for good; my head was about to blow up. Being under the sun the entire day may have taken a toll on me.

"Hey, hey, hey," the distant voice of Shane made my eyes open wide again. My vision was a blur, the blackness around was getting bigger every time making it hard to focus on his face. "Hang on bud, we're almost there."

"Sorry…" was all I managed to say as the blackness toke over me completely. I felt my limp body on a free fall then being caught by strong arms. _Crap. He's touchin' it, he's touchin' it. Fuck, Kat. Wake up damn it!_

My body didn't have the strength to open my eyes; I could still hear them speak frantically around me. I believed I was actually talking to them, but as they kept ignoring me I realized it was all in my head. I felt being dragged by the shoulders, hoping they would take me to my tent.

I heard a door open as the two people holding me came to a stop. "What happened?" it was Maggie up ahead. She sounded surprised; I was hoping she wouldn't let us inside after the incident.

"He passed out" spoke T-Dog right by my side. He adjusted my arm around his shoulder. "He's burnin'"

"Is Hershel?" Andrea trailed off leaving the daughter choose her reply.

"He's missing," Maggie spat with bitterness. I tried to move and stand on my own to speak to her but my body didn't answer. _The hell he is? _"Rick and Glenn went out after him."

"Could we?" Andrea implied.

I felt Maggie's glare on my back as T-Dog and someone else dragged my inside. _Whoa. Be nice, damn it. Ain' no fuckin' rag doll. _They laid me down; next I felt a hand on my forehead, a soft hand, and another on my wrist.

"His pulse is racing," I heard Patricia's muffled voice. "What did he do?"

"Same thin' we all did." Shane stated. They all knew what he meant.

"Did you rest?" she placed a wet cloth on my forehead.

"We did, we took turns," I heard Andrea further away. "But… now that I think of– he, he never left. He stood by all day long."

"Must've gotten a heat stroke then." I heard Maggie near my feet.

They continued talking but I could understand anything. They were moving around, loud footsteps, in and out of the room. I tried my best no to pass out completely, after Maggie's statement it was just a matter of time for them to figure out how to cool me down.

"Should we rip him off?" Andrea suggested.

_Fuck._

After Andrea's suggestion, the footsteps around came to a halt; then got louder. _Oh no. Kat, Kat, this is the time. Come on. They can't touch you. You know what happens if they find out. That cannot happen ever again and you know it. Gotta wake up! Come on you wuss! _The second I felt my shirt being pulled by the neck my left hand shot up and grabbed a wrist. "Don't... touch me," I opened my eyes and rolled them to the side, travelled all the way towards its owner. I caught a pocket knife in the person's right hand and my elbow's angle instinctively rose for protection. I made it to the person's face and scoffed. Abruptly I let go of the wrist. "Fuckin' told ya I'm fine."

"Sorry man," Shane apologized. "Got worried, 's all."

"Sure you're ok?" I turned to my left and saw Patricia, T-Dog and Andrea stood behind her.

"Yeah. Jus' need sumthin' sweet. BP went down," I wiped my face with my hand and pushed myself up to a sitting position. "No heat stroke or whatever" I lied. I knew very well the symptoms and how to cope with it.

"Easy, easy..." Shane helped me sit up, then handed me a chocolate bar.

My eyes opened wide and I gave out a weak half smile. "Yay." I grunted hoarsely and everyone let out a relaxing laugh. I ate it quickly. _Freakin' piece o' heaven. Long time no see. _I breathed in one last time and pushed myself off the bed I was in.

"You're still burnin'," I turned to face Patricia, a worried look on her face. "That is no BP issue. You need ta rest."

"I'll jus' cool it down. Can I use the shower?" I asked, I ran a hand through my dirty hair and tucked my right in my pocket. My head still spanned, so I tried my best to focus on her to make them all believe I was ok. Patricia shot a glance at Maggie and I followed suit. I raised a brow and bit the inside of my cheek. She nodded once and left the room, followed closely by Patricia.

"I'll get your stuff." Andrea said as she made her way out.

"Don't!" I yelled, a bit too loud to make it casual. _Shit._ She turned to me suspiciously. "I can do it maself." I slowly walked across the room. I patted on her shoulder and gave her a weak smirk.

_Holy crap how long was I out? _The sun was almost down. I made my way to Jim's old tent, claimed mine, and stopped halfway. There was an empty space near it; I looked around to get acquainted with everyone else's tent. "The fuck did he go?" I muttered when I recognized Daryl's tent missing. "Dumbass."

I shook my head and stepped inside my tent. "Fuckin' insane if Imma let 'em 'take ma clothes ta me'." I complained, a sarcastic tone in the last statement. I grabbed my backpack and pulled out clean garments; pair of jeans, long sleeved shirt, my usual tank top and bandage, hidden in between the clothes, a pair of comfortable converse sneakers, towel and soap.

On the way back to the house I looked around the land to find Daryl. Far away, borderline, right were the clearing ended and the forest began, I managed to make out his tent. _Head over there later. Owe him one._

Once inside the bathroom I laid my back on a wall and slowly slip to the floor. I stretched my left knee, which was hurting more as my body cooled down. I tried to touch my toes but it was a lost cause. _Never been flexible. What made ya think ya're now? _I raised my knees to my chest in spite the pain and rested my forehead in them. I had no strength left to pick myself up again.

Some noises around the house woke me up. I didn't realize I slept or passed out, nor for how long. I breathed in heavily one last time and stood up, helped by the wall behind.

I took a long, slow shower. The cold water ran over my burning body. I passed the soap on my shoulders and neck; lowered my head and let the freezing water fall over the back of my head and nape. Hoping it would make the spasms go away. I finally turned the faucet off and grabbed my towel.

While buttoning up the shirt I unlocked the door, while rolling one of the sleeves up I heard footsteps getting louder. I looked down at the toilet and quickly hid the dirty corsé between the other clothes.

"Um, Matt," Carl's tiny voice could barely be heard. "Dinner's ready."

"'s ok, Carl. 's open," I answered as I rolled the other sleeve. The boy hesitated. "Open the door. I was jus' headin' out." He opened it and I grabbed my dirty clothed and left the bathroom. "Thanks." I walked away but didn't hear Carl's footsteps behind me. I turned around and caught the boy staring at the floor. "Hey, hey kid" he looked up to me. "Come on. What's the matter?"

"My dad…" he looked down again. "He's– he's not back yet."

"He'll be. Now come on kiddo," I walked back to him and pushed him to walk ahead of me. "Gotta be patient."

Carl turned to the dining room and I kept on walking straight, heading to the door. "Matt..." he called, I didn't turn around this time.

"Ain' hungry boy." My thick accent made the statement a sound a little obnoxious. "Gonna go get Dale," I opened the door and looked at him, his blue eyes fixated on me. "He prolly is." I half smiled at him and he gave a small nod. Truth was, I had other things in mind.

I shot a glance at Daryl's new camp as I walked to my tent. A small glimpse of light could be seen. I bit my lip and got inside. I dropped the dirty clothes in a corner and grabbed a lantern from my bag.

"Hey, ol' man!" I called Dale, who sat atop the RV. He stood up and walked to the side. "Dinner's ready."

I watched him walk to the RV's end and climb down the ladder. "Rifle's on the roof." He pointed and I nodded. I watched him take off and then looked at Daryl's camp.


	19. Chapter 19: Need You Here

__Italics: OC'S thoughts__

**CHAPTER 19: NEED YOU HERE**

I watched Dale head to the house and turned to face Daryl's camp ahead. I lingered until my stomach felt like being stabbed continuously due to the emptiness inside. I walked to my tent and grabbed my backpack; I pulled out two packs of instant noodles from one of the pockets and walked to the center of our camp to boil some water. Figured I could do so at Daryl's fire pit but I was in no mood, nor health condition, to poke the bear.

I sat down on a fallen log and started a small fire in the usual spot, gathered some more twigs for it to last a bit longer. I grabbed a pot nearby and poured water in it from the jerry can I kept in my tent. I stared at the water heating, almost at boiling point. I grabbed one the packs when frantic yells coming from the house caught my attention. I looked at the noodle packs in my hand and instinctively threw them back inside my tent.

I took a deep breath and waited for them to reach me, "The hell happened?" I tucked my hands in my pockets and asked to no one in particular.

"Lori!" Shane yelled and walked away from us.

"I'll go check the lands." T-Dog said and patted Andrea's shoulder. Andrea nodded and tightened her grip on Carl's shoulder.

"It's Lori," she said to me in a quiet tone. "We can't find her..." I closed my eyes and let out a loud sigh, then stared at my feet and shook my head.

"I'll go ask Daryl." Carol turned around and took off. I immediately turned around and watched her run, defeat or deception written in my face. _I should have._

"I haven' seen 'er around. Lemme check." I shrugged. I walked around camp, holding my lantern and opening every tent flap to check. I headed to the cars and also stepped inside the RV. Nothing. _Dumb bitch._

"Checked the barn..." Shane said with a thick accent as he approached.

"Checked the yards..." T-Dog added.

"Nothin' 'round 'ere." I bluntly replied. I heard some running behind me and turned to find Carol catching her breath.

"She asked Daryl to go into town," she said. "Must've gone herself."

Carl ran back to the house, Andrea followed him and Carol turned back and walked back to Daryl's camp. I shifted in my place and turned away from Carol's retreating back, I shot a glance at the water already boiling besides my feet. I lifted my head and saw T-Dog looking at me, I tilted my head and he turned away.

"Hey," Shane said asked as he approached Dale. "Did you know about this?"

"No." he spoke calmly.

"Seriously?" I commented sarcastically, bewildered. "You tellin' me tha' you're fuckin' everywhere, meddlin' in everyone's business..." I pushed myself from the tree I was leaning on and walked towards them, my finger pointing at Dale. "But, when shit's goin' down you know nothin'?"

"Look– jus'," Shane looked at me and raised a hand to calm me down. I scoffed and ran a hand through my hair. "Did she take a gun?"

"I don' know," Dale replied nonchalantly. Shane instantly ran to his car. "I wouldn't let 'er go out there alone."

"The fuck you do up there all day long then?!" I accused and followed Shane. "Hey, hey!" I called as he climbed to the driver's seat. "Need me ta go with ya?"

Shane shook his head. "No," he looked over my shoulder and then straight to my eyes again. "I need you here." I nodded and he drove away.

I turned back to find T-Dog and Dale frozen in place. "Git inside. I'll let ya kno' if anyone's back." I shooed them and they walked away indecisively.

I sat back down on the fallen log around the fire; the water was almost over so I poured more. I looked up and around to see if Carol was returning. _Fuckin' woman. Let 'im be._

I caught headlights up ahead just when the water hit boiling point once again. I cursed and put my little fingers in my mouth to let out a loud whistle. They all came out this time; I looked back at the approaching car and let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding when Shane stepped out. Lori wiped her head and asked for Rick, I rolled my eyes to Shane and caught him staring at me then turned to face Lori. While they argued I was looking past the car to the woods, at the small fire in Daryl's camp, Carol still nowhere to be seen.

I was too focused on his camp I didn't notice everyone else had retreated to the house. I turned in my place to make sure no one else was out I grabbed both packs of noodles and threw them into the boiling water.

"Are you ok, sweetie?" Carol's cracked voice caught me off guard. "Are you feeling alright? Heard you had a fever."

"Yeah. I'm fine," I cautiously replied. "You?" I squinted at the sight of her eyes shimmering with tears.

"I've been better," she wrapped her arms around her waist and nodded softly, "Won't you come inside for dinner?"

"Naw. Don' worry," I shook my head. "I'm good. Someone has ta stay out 'n' keep watch." Carol quietly walked away.

I poked the noodles until I was happy with them; I poured them in two bowls, grabbed my lantern and stood up. I bit my lip and took a determined step towards Daryl's camp. Halfway I realized I had no idea of the purpose of my going there. _Why d'ya wanna come 'ere so badly?_

I took a deep breath when I took sight of the bike. I looked down at my appearance as I walked towards the fire. _Come on you tomboy beanpole. It's pitch black, ya ain' gon' get caught._

"Holy ffff," I let out a silent scream when my step faltered and felt the hot water on my wrist. I clenched my teeth until the pain went down.

"What you doin' here?" Daryl barked.

I turned left and saw him leave his tent. "Truce." I muttered offering a bowl. He growled and walked away. "Hey, fucker. I ain' no bitch that'll follow ya and whine 'bou' not getting' yer love or attention." I shifted in my place. "Now fuckin' take this shit. Said truce." I waited and raised my brow. He approached and lifted one of the bowls; his blue eyes digging holes in me as he stared.

"Ye got yer moment. The hell ya're still doin' standin' there." he bitterly commented as he sat by the fire.

The corner of my mouth lifted in a small smile and I walked towards his fire. "Y'kno'... I ain' gon' say nothin' if ya don' ask me." I took a seat in front of him, across the pit.

"You ok?" he suddenly asked, out of topic. I didn't understand and raised an eyebrow at him. "Saw ya bein' dragged back ta camp. All them people yellin'."

"Got a heat stroke," my husky voice admitted. "'m fine." I looked at my food, bowl half full. I still felt nauseous so I ate in small amounts due to the lack of food in my stomach for many hours. "Hey!" I shoved Daryl's hand away the moment I felt it on my forehead. "The fuck you doin'?"

"Ya're burnin'," he muttered, bowl still in hand he walked away. "Here," he threw a bottle of pills at me. I caught it and stared at the prescription. "'s for the fever."

"I got some… Mom," I threw the bottle back at him. "Didn' manage ta survive all this time without meds," I swallowed the food and continued, "also told ya I didn' leave yer brother fer dead."

"What happened?" He asked as we both stared at each other in the dark.

"What d'ya wanna know?" I offered. "Helped him free himself… Cauterize his wound," I shrugged. "Pretty much all you've seen."

"Then why didn't ya go with him?" he instantly cut off.

"He didn' need me." I stated. Hoping he would believe me. I couldn't have anyone find out the truth about me. I couldn't risk it.

"The truth." He demanded.


	20. Chapter 20: Souvenir

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 20: SOUVENIR**

"The truth." Daryl demanded.

Not once I was given the chance to explain the reason of my appearance. Things always went downhill the second people knew who I am, what I am. It was the very reason I never stayed in a group for long. I had bitter and still plainly vivid memories of each time the truth had come to light. This situation right now couldn't be any different. Daryl clearly had his suspicions, he had seen what no one else in this group or others did. He asked about it.

"I gave 'im all he needed," I honestly replied. _Damn well I know what to tell and wha' not to. _I wouldn't lie, but wouldn't give out the full story. Just what he needed to hear, "He didn' need me… 'n you know tha'." I half smiled.

"Why join us?" he shrugged and put the bowl next to his feet.

"An acciden'," I chose my words carefully, I couldn't afford making another mistake in front of Daryl. He already knew too much. _29… Stupid. _I cocked my head to the side. "Ye foun' me, r'member?" I looked straight to his eyes; I opened mine wide whenever my vision got blurry. I tried to read his mind, wonder what he was going to ask so I would be prepared. "I was gon' be a burden ta him," I said after a while. "He had one hand, and I didn' how ta use guns– didn' have one neither." Daryl nodded and looked down, apparently understanding and buying my half honesty.

"Why d'ya never left?" he raised his head and his eyes met mine. I was breathing hard and felt sweat all over my forehead; in spite it being a cool night.

"Right back at ya," was all I said with a little sarcasm in the statement, his jaw clenched. I wiped my forehead with the back of my left hand. After some minutes of silence I shot a glance at the house, "They'd prolly go searchin' for Rick 'n'–"

"Why d'ya give up on the lil' girl?" I let out a sarcastic breath and half smiled when he finally asked the question that tormented him.

"It was time I guess… Time y'all woke up an' look aroun'. Stop livin' a fantasy," I shrugged. I really didn't have a proper reply. "It was like a switch, ya kno'– it… It turned off," I stared at the flames, my mind went back to the moment I was being chased by four walkers to when I found Daryl unconscious, to the next day I found the house and highway intact. "'n' I realized we weren' lookin' for a lil' girl no more… We looked fer a body, which would've prolly been walkin' 'roun'. We were lookin' fer a ghost." I raised my eyes and saw Daryl staring at me biting his thumb. "Jus' 'cause y'all disagree with Shane don' mean he's wrong..." I added as a matter of fact.

"'n ma brother?" he muttered.

"Fuckin' told ya I didn' give up on yer brother. Gave him half my shit. Didn' wanna be a burden ta him 's all," I looked at the woods "'m pretty sure he's still out there."

We sat in silence for some minutes; my body was slowly shutting down so I decided it was time to go back. I drunkenly stood up and walked away from the fire. "Better go out with the others tomorrow," I said over my shoulder. "May make ya some good brother." I turned sideways and saw Daryl studying me. I snorted and continued my way to the main camp. "Thanks again. Night."

He muttered back things I didn't manage to understand.

* * *

><p>Some mild chattering made my eyes open, head pounding I sat up slowly. <em>Fuckin' mornin'.<em> I ran my left hand over my face and grabbed the jerry can sitting in the corner of my tent; I tucked my hand in my bag and pulled out a bottle of pills, stabilized the jerry can and swallowed the pills with some water.

I left my tent and saw everyone running towards a red truck. I raised my brows. _Guess they're back. _I looked around and found Shane's car's back door open. Then caught Daryl looking at me on his way to the group, he adjusted his crossbow and nodded. I hid a smile and nodded back at him. He turned away and I walked towards Shane's car, I leaned on it and watched the people ahead for a while. I noticed I was getting hungry so I had to be recovering from the heat stroke. I pushed myself from the car and headed to my tent. I grabbed a pack of crackers and sat on a chair around the burning ashes of the main camp.

I heard someone stomping their way towards me so I lifted my head and saw Daryl getting closer. "What happened?" I asked with a mouthful of food.

"Sum bitches brought a souvenir." He said as he leaned on a tree.

"What?" I choked and coughed. I looked at the others getting inside the house then back at Daryl.

"Yeah… Sum kid," he stretched a hand and I handed him the pack. "Named Randall or sumthin' like tha'."

"'n wha' are they gon' do with 'im?" I said crossed.

"Dunno." He replied nonchalantly as he stared at the pack in his hands. He pulled five and threw the pack back to me.

"Then fuckin' go an' fin' ou'!" I shooed him away. Daryl growled, dropped his crossbow and headed to the house.

I sat there, on my own. Shocked. I never thought they'd encounter another lone survivor; this group appeared to be put together by pairs or families. I always felt the odd one out because of that. If that kid, Randall, was a lone survivor, I couldn't be selfish and vote him out of the group. I ate the rest of the crackers and threw the empty pack in my tent.

"Hey!" I heard Shane's voice and turned towards it. "What you doin' out 'ere?" He was visibly pissed. He stopped close enough and put his hand on his hips. "Needed you inside brother. They–," he snorted. "They can' jus' see it."

"Sorry brother," I stood up. "I'm in no place ta give ou' an opinion for a case like this ya kno'? You guys picked me up… Let me in."

"Yea, I kno' tha'," he checked my appearance, "Remember tha' pretty clearly too." We both chuckled and I nodded. Shane then turned serious, ran a hand across his shaved head uneasy; he shot a glance at the house and then looked at me again, straight through my light brown eyes. "Bu' that was differen'. This guy, he had a group… Has, had– whatever," he shifted in his place, "They– they shot at our people." I was taken aback by that statement. "'n they," he pointed at the house. "They wanna fix 'im up 'n' let 'im go."

"What the fuck?" My eyes wide open. "What if he gets back ta his group? What if they find us?"

"That's wha' I said," Shane agreed. "But accordin' to Rick, he was blindfolded the whole way." We both snorted and Shane walked away.

_And here I was having a battle in my mind. _I stared at the house. _The hell has to happen so they'll start to see what it all has become? _I watched as they came out and returned to their activities. I shook my head in disapproval and walked to my tent.

After Daryl's emancipation and moving out, my tent became the furthest apart; lying under a lone tree. The closest tent became T-Dog's, about 10ft. away. I sat on my sleeping bag and pulled my backpack closer. I pulled out its contents and studied my situation. I still had plenty of clothing, many pants, some short sleeved T-shirts, long sleeved T-shirts and button up shirts. Few jackets, I'd sure have to make a run to the highway to get more. I stopped at the sight of the bandages down at the bottom of the backpack; I raised my head and popped it outside the tent. I saw Andrea run towards the house, Dale atop the RV, Glenn and T-Dog making their way towards the water fountain. The rest, nowhere to be seen.

_Now or never. _I grabbed the bandages and counted how many I had left before I'd need to clean the rest. Carol was nice enough to offer and wash my clothes, but I couldn't give her the bandages. _Three... Seriously. _"Shit" I let out a defeated sigh and looked at the dirty bandages carefully hidden in my tent. _Well… You've been a lazy assed bitch. It was 'bout time._

"Tonight." I muttered to myself. I organized my bag and left the tent.

"Matt," I heard someone call and turned around to find Rick walking towards me. "A word." He shot a glance at a shed and I nodded.

"Heard the news." I muttered as we headed to the shed.

"Yeah, we ran into some trouble in town." he commented. I raised my brows and continued walking in silence. "Been a long time since we had a word." He added after a while.

"Did we ever have one?" I commented sarcastically and tucked my hands in my front pockets. He chuckled.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about this… Issue we have in our hands," I looked at him and he turned to face the camp on our side. "Pretty sure Shane told you."

"Though' you'd come ta me eventually," I nodded. "And yes, he did."

He looked at me over his shoulder. "What do you think?" he asked.

"First," I stopped walking. "Would it make any difference?" I cocked my head to the side.

Rick stopped and turned to face me. "It's you the only one here that's been in a similar position," he rested his hands on his hips. "Your opinion, regarding this… Issue, is very important."

"Well," I began. "At first, it was actually Daryl who tol' me 'bout the kid. I didn't know the background. And if Shane," I emphasized the name. "Hadn't filled me up, I would've prolly be thinkin' the same."

"And what is that?" He asked interested. He seemed pleased by my full explanation and point of view.

"After wha' Daryl tol' me, I felt I had no right to sen' 'im out. Since you," I raised a hand and pointed at Rick. "You took me in and backed me up." Rick nodded. "Bu' this situation's not the same. I," I raised my left hand to my chest. "I am alone, I'm one."

"Was," Rick corrected.

"Whatever," I waved my hand. "I was alone when you foun' me. I wen' through hell with ya for some guy I met seconds ago. I helped ya. But," I pointed at the shed, figured that's where the guy was kept. "He shot at ya. He is– or was part of a group. Wha' makes ya think he won' lead others here once you leave 'im out there."

"He won't find us. I made sure he doesn't know how to get here."

"Yer preachin'." I shook my head in disapproval and started walking again. "If he gets back ta his group. Wha' makes ya think they won' try?" I looked over my shoulder and found Rick staring at me. "Good will's worth nothin' these days."


	21. Chapter 21: Danger

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 21: DANGER**

I half turned to face Rick; he was stuck in his place. "'m pretty sure we'd told ya sumthin' like this back in the city remember?" Rick lowered his head. "Good will's worth nothin', the honest are long gone." I bit my lip and waited for him to react. I watched as his chest raised and lowered twice before he looked back up.

Rick shifted in his place and rested his hands in his waists. "But I can't just put 'im down," he reasoned. "He's a kid, a teenager." His fingers rose and squeezed the bridge of his nose.

"He's danger, Rick," I pointed out bluntly. "Ye can' keep 'im here and hope he won' run away. 'n' lettin' 'im go…" I shot a quick glance at camp and then at Rick. "Well ya best pray he don' find us back." I shrugged and walked away from him and the shed, back towards camp. I stopped midway and fully turned at Rick, I caught him staring at my retreating back. He raised his eyes and met mine. "Sorry, bu' I can't back ya up on this one." I gave him a sad nod and continued my walk.

I was growing cold as the sun went down. I stepped inside my tent and pulled out a kangaroo pullover from my bag. My eyes made a quick scan of my surroundings and I let out three quick breaths when I saw and heard nothing. I unbuttoned the shirt as fast as I could, threw it and put on a tight long sleeved T-shirt. I shot a glance at my tent's flap and quickly put on the pullover. I casually left the tent as I accommodated my clothes. I turned to the center of the camp and saw they had all gathered around, I looked to my side and saw Daryl walk towards the group. I frowned slightly and looked past him; he was walking back from the shed. I looked at his bloody hand and raised my brows darkly. I stood beside him and joined the meeting.

While Daryl explained what the kid had told him I stared at Rick and occasionally at Shane. As soon as Daryl was finished I raised a cocky brow at Rick. He looked down and gave an almost imperceptible nod. "It's settled," Rick spoke up and looked at everyone around. "I'll do it today." I bit the inside of my cheek and cracked my neck. Once the meeting had dissipated everyone walked away in their own directions, except for Dale. I watched him as he ran after Rick. I sighed and shook my head.

* * *

><p><em>I gotta go.<em> I bit my lip as I stared at my bag. _One quick trip to the highway, no big deal. _I looked at the set of weapons lying on one side of the tent. I picked up the axe and grabbed the three throwing knives I had found. _Gotta go now 'fore it gets dark. _I also grabbed the coiled rope and placed it over my shoulder, across my chest. Once outside the tent I took a look around camp. I watched T-Dog kneel down close to the fire. _That's one._ Next I saw Dale, with his usual short sleeved Hawaiian shirt a bit farther away talking to Carol. I sighed and at my unavoidable good nature. _That's two. _I caught Glenn making his way to the house. _Meh. That's three. Got Shane, Daryl. Pretty much everyone._ I tightened my grip around the rope for a split second and walked towards the woods.

On my way I took a mental note of the path I had taken to get to the highway, I had only been there once by myself so I hoped this time I would get as lucky. I walked determined getting closer to the mass of trees ahead without turning back for one last look at camp, or to my side at Daryl's camp. I raised my head and looked to the right; squinted at the well-known pair of crooked trees I took as reference to enter the woods. I looked straight ahead of me, I could take a shot and start on a different point but it was a risk. I could get lost, and the sun was going down. "Come on wuss. Jus' climb if things ge' ugly." I chastised myself. I breathed in deeply and walked straight.

As I reached the borderline I grabbed one of the knives and carved the closest trees. I'd thought I'd mark my entrance in order to try a different route next time. The jam back at the highway was long, most likely a mile long. We weren't able to check on each and every single car the time we were there. Also, the climate we had had probably influenced our clothing selection back then. I looked up at the sky without stopping. I had to move fast if I wanted to get winter clothes for everyone, especially to those who needed them.

I never had experience in the woods, so I hoped I wouldn't get lost. I believed going in a straight line would get me somewhere. If night fell and I reached nowhere, experience in sleeping on trees was a skill I had gained. I raised my sleeves elbow length and quickened my pace but careful enough to not make much noise. "Damn it!" I hissed and pulled my right arm to my chest and stared at it. A thick scrape, getting redder and thicker from the swell, ran from the back of my wrist up to my elbow. _Fuckin' Murphy 'n' his law. _I raised my head and shot a vindictive glare at an oversized spine coming from a tree. I pulled a knife and cut the spine off out of pure spite. I wiped the tiny drops of blood on my jeans and paid more attention to my surroundings.

After what I'd thought had been an hour of walk and there were nothing but trees around I stopped and looked around. "Hmm," I frowned as I dropped the axe next to my feet and pulled the throwing knives out. "What if…" I grabbed one knife from my right hand and raised my head to the tree up ahead. I moved my left shoulder to check on the pain. Nothing, so I switched hands. I took one step back and set my right foot firmly on the ground, I stretched my right hand to aim. I scoffed bitterly and dropped my position as I remembered doing the same thing on my volleyball playing days. I took the same stance once again and raised my left arm over my shoulder, behind my back. Figured that if I threw a knife hard enough for it to get nailed on a tree, getting it pierced on a walker's skull couldn't be any different, or harder. Like a coiled spring I threw the knife at the tree. I dropped my head at the sight of the knife barely touching the tree and falling to the ground. "Fuck," I muttered angry. "Ye still throw like a damn princess." I stomped and grabbed the knife; without thinking twice tucked them in my back and resumed my walk. _Sum other time._

I picked up a small trail and followed it. I chuckled sarcastically when I noticed the highway up ahead. "He– Heeey," I smiled cocky at the sight of different cars and strolled around them. "Bitchy Daryl Dixon has met 'is match." _Don't play on yer luck bud._ I bit the inside of my cheek and turned serious. I looked at the cars and decided to walk towards a grayish blue sedan, which actually reminded me of my cousin's– probably the reason it caught my attention–, and broke its back window with the axe's butt. I got myself inside and looted. Found magazines, empty cans, mostly garbage. I jumped outside and pulled a knife out. I walked to the trunk and carefully opened it. "Jackpot." I grinned at the sight of 3 travel bags. I opened the first bag and saw kid's clothes. It was then that I noticed there were no bodies in the car, or around. I frowned in confusion but shrugged it away. _Been a long time since the herd. Must've passed 'ere already._ I neatly folded the clothes I thought they'd be Carl's size and wrapped the rope to make a package. I squinted bitterly at the sight of a pink sweater and shook my head. I pushed the bag away and opened the second suitcase. I pulled out a pretty elegant women's coat and stretched it over me. I sighed nostalgic. _Man there was a time ya used ta wear this shi'_. "Didn' we all…" I muttered to myself.

I head some rustling and quickly dropped the coat. I grabbed the axe and froze in place to get acquainted with the noises. I abruptly turned around and looked at the man lying on a truck's door. "The hell ye doin' 'ere?!" I accused and he shrugged nonchalantly, his arms crossed over his chest. My shoulders tensed and my eyes rolled towards the coat lying on the asphalt and back at him. "How long've ya been standin' there?" I asked warily.

He shrugged again and bit his thumb.

"Fuck off," I tilted my head to the woods. "Don' need no babysitter." He made no movement. I paid no mind to him and moved on. Shoving the clothes in the second suitcase I found a leather jacket and set it aside with more girly sweaters I believed the women would find who they'd fit. I finally opened the last bag and turned it upside down. Men's clothes. I pulled out a pair of jeans and from the corner of my eyes I noticed he was still standing there. I tightened my grip on the pants and forcefully threw it at him. "Y'are 'ere, ya take yer clothes back ta camp." I looked at the bag again. I found a light blue jacket and figured it could fit Glenn since it was a little big for me, I also found a large beige kangaroo pullover that could probably fit T-Dog. I looked up to the sky and realized it was not blue anymore; it was all sorts of pink and orange. _Gotta get goin'. _I neatly folded the men's clothing over the women's stuff I had piled and tied with Carl's. I made a tight knot on the rope and lifted the package I made with it and the clothes. I nodded pleased and started towards the woods; forgetting about the presence on my right.

I could feel his eyes on my back. I felt like he could see me, the real me. I felt the bandage exposed around him. I tried to quicken my pace; walk back to the farm like I knew the path like the back of my hand. I died to know the reason why he went there. But would never dare to ask. I wanted to know if he had followed me, if so, why he had followed. _He don' trust me, eh?_ I flicked my tongue in spite. But if he did, then there was no reasoning. I was a man after all– in his eyes, not that it would have been any different if I weren't disguised. "I can make it on my own." I said to myself more than to him as I walked over fallen logs.

I let out a breath I didn't realized I held when a clearing was visible. I prayed for it to be Hershel's farm. I jogged until I reached it. A large house stood in the middle of the land, white walls and green roof. I looked over my shoulder as he made it back to his camp, his dropped the crossbow from his shoulder and kept his head low. It made me feel a little bit guilty, but figured if he wanted to talk or do whatever he'd start the conversation and look for me, just like I did. _Damn… Sum years ago ya'd been followin' 'til he gave ye notice, huh?_ I chuckled. _How things've changed._ As I made my way towards the rest of camp I took a look around and found Dale with Shane. I frowned confused but continued towards the center.

"Hey! Y'all!" I called loudly. "Got sum stuff fer ya." I dropped the rope package on the ground and untied it. Slowly they gathered around, all except Dale and Shane, who were still far away talking. I raised my eyes and nodded at everyone. I knelt on the ground and started with the men's clothes. I handed Glenn and T-Dog the jackets I picked up for them, I set aside the one for Dale. And the rest I gave Rick. "Ya can go and fight it off with Shane fer these ones…" Rick approached and stretched his arm. "I also got sum fer the kid, Jimmy." He nodded and stepped back again. I untied the knot on the women's layer. "Carol, Lori…" I grabbed the pile. "Maybe ya can help with these… I brought everything I found appropriate," I shrugged. "Dunno if they're gon' fit."

"Thank you." Lori said in a very thankful and relieved tone. Carol smiled warm.

"These are fer Carl." I looked at Lori and she looked shocked. Then her eyes warmed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Oh, if you have any doubts or want to know some tips I can't reveal here (you know the reason) please review and I'll make sure to reply asap.**


	22. Chapter 22: Laundry

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 22: LAUNDRY**

"Thank you, thank you…" Lori wouldn't stop. She tried hard to cover her smile at the sight of warm clothes.

"We really appreciate it Matt, thank you very much." Rick courtly added as he piled the clothes for Jimmy.

"Fits perfectly man, thank you!" I rolled my eyes and looked at T-Dog. He had put the new pullover on. I gave a reassuring nod at him and stood up.

"Matt…" I heard Dale's voice. I turned around to look for him. "Can I speak with you?" he said as he approached. I gave him a slightly annoyed nod and walked a few feet away from camp.

"What d'ya wanna talk 'bout, Dale?" I drawled. I knew he meant Randall, I had seen his rant on Rick this morning. It annoyed me how stubborn this man was how he just couldn't see what it all had come to.

"I wanna talk about Randall…"

I snorted, "The boy–"

"Randall." His tone serious. "You can't possibly agree with this." I shot a cocky look at him. "But– but,"

"Ya've never paid attention to nothin' I've told ya, huh?" I snorted and shook my head. "You really don' see it, do ya?" I shifted in my place and set my hands on my waist. "He is dangerous, you can't deny it. He may only be one person, but you don't see the big picture… You don't realize what he's capable of."

"He's just a kid! He– he… We can't just decide to kill him. We're not like that!"

"Dale, it doesn't matter what we're like!" My patience was at boiling point. I tried in vain to get past his thick skull. "It's what he is like, what he's done! Ya heard Daryl, damn it!"

Dale shook his head in strong denial. He adjusted the rifle on his shoulder and looked at me, straight through my eyes. "You– you were like him! You were abandoned– alone... And– and we accepted you…"

"Whoa." I raised my palm to stop him. "You know nothin' 'bout me. Don' ya dare try ta act like ya do, 'n' wha' ya did fer me." I emphasized each word with venom. "I was never abandoned... I was alone by choice. Tha' scumbag's nothin' like me." Dale had touched a very delicate point. He didn't understand I ran from guys like Randall and his group. I flee form those kind of people.

"But– but we can't do this. We have to give him a chance. We are civilized people, not savages."

"No, Dale. We may not be savages, bu' we're not civilized anymore. Civilization's gone. Ya think we're civilized when we trade guns for safety? Teach kids to use 'em for protection because the safety of a house ain' enough?" I spat on the grass besides me. "Tha' sorta protection ain' only against walkers. Ya don' realized it 'cause ya never been through shi' like tha'."

Dale lowered his head in defeat; he'd never beat me to it. I shook my head and tried to calm me down. I didn't realize my hands had turned to fists until they hurt. I breathed heavily and walked back to the group. I turned to speak one last time at Dale and saw him stuck in his spot. "Ya really know nothin' 'bou' me…" I spoke darkly and he turned to face me. "I told Rick ta kill 'im." And with that I continued my walk and headed to the house.

I got inside the house for the apparent big meeting before Randall's death. I didn't know why a poll was necessary since the decision had already been taken. Everyone stood quiet in their places, the groups within the group clearly visible in the gathering. I took my place with Andrea, Shane and T-Dog. Next to us were Patricia, Maggie and his father. I rolled my eyes when I saw Daryl stop halfway through the hall. I squinted when Carol tried to stand next to him but when Daryl looked away she stopped by the door. I breathed in deeply and then Rick finally got inside.

"So how do we do this?" Glenn asked after an awkward silence. "We just take a vote?" The decision was obvious. I believed Rick had made this in order to please Dale and get him off his back. Otherwise, Dale would have thrown it all over Rick's face any chance he got. The discussion had begun. Shane banned the sparring him idea the second it had been put on the table, and we agreed. Maggie tried to keep impartial but keeping him prisoner was a big risk, plus it also required more food.

"Well he could be an asset…" Dale added. I immediately scoffed at that statement and they all looked at me. "Give him a chance to prove himself." He continued and looked at me in particular.

"'n' let 'im walk 'roun' camp jus' like tha'?" I said and looked straight at Rick with wary eyes.

"We're not letting 'im walk around." Rick decided and looked down. I shifted in my place, tired of this senseless meeting. I looked at everyone's faces. They all looked tired and annoyed.

"Look," Shane spoke up and I looked at him. "Let's jus' say we let 'im join us… Maybe– maybe he's helpful, maybe he's nice." Shane had a point. The point I tried to make Dale see but he just refused to. "We let our guards down, maybe he runs 'n' brings back 'is thirty men…"

"So the answer is to kill him to prevent a crime he might never even attempt?!" Dale waved his hands in the air, his grip tight on his hat.

"What makes ya think he won' do it?" I stepped in. "Have ya seen 'im? Wha' makes ya think he won' escape? Only 'cause we set 'im free?" I looked at Dale fully. "How many times do I have ta say it? Good will's worth fuckin' nothin'!"

"If we do this we're saying there's no hope." Dale wouldn't get it. And I just wanted to punch him. "The reason there's no civilization…"

"Oh my God…" Shane complained to me quietly.

"Jesus," I muttered as I looked at him. "It's impossible– he's impossible."

* * *

><p>"Matt!" a female voice called from behind. I froze in place and looked at the wet bandage in my hand, then at the rest still in the bucket full of water. <em>Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. <em>I quickly threw the bandage in hand back in the bucket and opened the faucet to cover the rest. "Matt!" It was Carol, and her voice got louder.

"Yeah!" I jumped and took a few steps away from the bucket to Carol. I looked at her with eager eyes and she frowned concerned.

"Umm…" she tried to look over my shoulder but I moved quickly to cover her. "Dinner's ready."

"'k." I replied dryly. She took one step backwards towards camp, her eyes never left mine.

"You know… I don't mind washing your underwear. In fact, I do T-Dog's and Daryl's." she suggested.

I let out a relieved breath. "Thanks, bu'… I grew up in a home where everyone did their own. No offense." Carol nodded with an understanding smile and left. I let out a deep breath and squeezed my eyes. _Shi' tha' was close…_

I rubbed the dirty bandages, hoping in vain they'd go back to their real color. I looked up to the sky then down at the bucket. I realized I wouldn't be done before nightfall and bit the inside of my cheek. "Damn stupid are ya, huh? Always ferget the lantern…" I dropped my head and thought what I could possibly do before it got too dark to see. Carol had already come by to tell me about dinner, but I couldn't leave this half done. I couldn't have anyone coming this way by accident. _Although, Imma little far from camp, 'n' the house. _I turned my head and took a look around. I caught fire at Daryl's camp; I moved on and watched the main camp. Everyone had gathered for dinner already. It was only a matter of time they'd come by to remind me. I stretched the slightly white corsé on the ground next to me and the other four.

I barely had vision by the time I was done with the sixth bandage. "Fuck…" I bit my lip nervously when I didn't have any plan for this situation. I could make a quick run to camp, grab the lantern and come back. I could sneak without anyone noticing me. Thought they'd all be more focused on the execution than me and my weird behavior. I stood up and turned around, my hands turned into fists and trembled from the cold; I let out three quick breaths and sped to camp. Out of total instinct I turned my head left to check on Daryl's camp, I immediately froze in place almost slipped and fell when I noticed the fire pit in his camp gone and then lit again, several times until it steadied. My eyes opened wide as I caught a shadow making its way towards my cleaning spot. I ran back towards the bucket and shot a glance right every now and then, halfway I figured it'd be smarter if I confront whoever it was before they'd made it there. I took a diagonal turn and jogged towards the shadow. I saw a flash of light coming from the person and it was then that I realized the thought that the upcoming figure could have easily been a walker had never crossed my mind, and I was running towards it unarmed. _Damn._

My stomach growled as I ran and I rolled my eyes at the convenient moment. I finally got close enough and stepped right in the figure's way. A bright flash of light covered my sight and I raised my hand to cover my eyes from it. "Oi! Drop it! Gon' leave me blind!" I complained. The light slowly went down to my feet; I lowered my hand and squeezed my eyes. As soon as my vision cleared I took a step back in surprise. "The hell ye doin' 'ere?"

"Though' ya needed light," he stretched his hand. I squinted at the sight of a small black lantern in it. "Never though' ya'd be dumb 'nough ta not take one." I caught him raise his brows cocky.

"Never though' I'd need a damn babysitter…" I looked away from him, arrogant. I bit my lip and tapped my foot uneasy. "Why'd ya follow me?" I cursed inside for being weak enough to ask him that question. I looked back at him and raised a palm when his mouth opened. "Never mind, don' wanna know… Don' care." I lied. We stood there in silence, glaring at each other. I wanted to beat him, just for the sake of it and for how uncomfortable he made me feel. I lowered my chin and my stare became darker. "We called it truce, remember? Ya owe me nothin' and I owe ya nothin'." I spat the last words.

"I wouldn' be so sure 'bout it." He spoke low and a cold shiver ran down my spine.

"You wouldn' dare," I cocked my head to the side and took one step closer to him. "Ye gon' blackmail me now? The fuck d'ya want?"

"'n explanation," His voice husky. "Why y–" He was cut off by a loud scream. We both looked away at the source then back at each other wide eyed. We immediately ran towards the yells and it was only when a particular smell caught my nose that I remembered I left my bandages unattended.

"Daryl, Daryl, the walker." I pointed with my hand and he nodded. He sped up and embedded his knife in the corpse's head. My hands covered my mouth when I saw Dale on the ground, his guts scattered all over him. Daryl hollered and I followed his waves, I took some steps away as the others crowded in. Shane ran his hands across his shaved head and looked around, until he found me. I swallowed hard and paced around. It would have been cruel of me to say the man deserved it, but it was the first thought that crossed my mind. I looked at Shane again and I knew he thought the same, but none of us would express that thought out loud.

* * *

><p>"Where are you goin' man?" I heard T-Dog ask and I turned around to face him. "'s too early…" He wiped the sleep off his face and looked around camp.<p>

"Yea… I kno'," I looked at the horizon. The sun was coming up slowly. "Laundry… Didn' get ta finish las' nigh'." I could sort of trust T-Dog, not enough to tell him who I was though, but enough to tell him what I'd do. I knew he wouldn't offer his company. So I nodded at him and turned away.

After Dale's death frenzy I felt secure to leave my bandages out in the clearing, but hoped I'd be up early to finish and get it over with. "Hell yeah." I spoke victory at the sight of the bandages in the same way I left them, plus they were dry. I washed the last ones and waited for them to dry. I heard a loud engine sound and instantly knew it was Daryl's bike, I stood up and grabbed my now very clean set of bandages and made my way back to camp. "The hell they're goin'?" I asked Shane as I neared him.

"Inside…" he muttered as he leaned on the blue pickup truck. "Hershel wants us all inside after wha' happened." I shrugged nonchalantly and walked to my tent.

I stepped in and looked over my shoulder to check if there was anyone out there. Figured they be busy with the moving so I pulled out the clean bandages from the pocket of my kangaroo pullover and tucked them in my bag. I opened one of the pockets and grabbed a pack of chips for breakfast. I put them on the ground and ate while I organized my tent. I threw my bag, set of weapons and the jerry can out and left. I shot one last look and Jim's tent before I dismantled it. "Thanks again Jim fer the favor. I'm surprised no one recognized it…"

"Hey, brother!" I knew who the only person that'd call me that out loud was. "Need yer help." Shane continued as I heard him approach.

I turned to the side and saw he had two hammers and car keys in his hands. "'s up." I nodded at him as I put my stuff slightly hidden under a tree. "Sure, 's go." He nodded and I grabbed the hammers from his hands. "Big assed bruise formin' in yer face…" I chuckled and he did too. I saw his shoulders relax and his chest rise and lower.

"Yeah… Nothin' new." he said as he started the engine and I hopped in. We drove off in silence and stopped by a pile of woods chopped in tiles.

"Got a similar one back in high school," I continued the mild chat. That would make the task less boring. I raised my head and saw him staring in curiosity. "Nah, not in the head… On ma ankle, got to the point of becomin' a hematoma."

He raised his brows surprised, "Damn… How did ya get it?"

"Soccer…" I shrugged and threw some woods on the tuck's bed. "Sum bitch kicked me instead o' tha ball."


	23. Chapter 23: Violated

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 23: VIOLATED**

"Bitch kicked me right on the bone. Docs said they were surprised there was not fracture or whatever…" I wiped the sweat off my forehead with my sleeve. I looked at Shane and let out a chuckle at his awed face. "Anyways, they tol' me ta put sum ice on it–"

"But ya didn'…" he scoffed.

"But I didn'…" I raised my brows. "So, after sum weeks or so I felt a lil'… ball," I made a circle with my fingers. "Common sense tol' me it was a hematoma bu' my mom wan'ed me ta go ta the doc and shi'. So yeah… Hematoma." We exchanged more war stories then continued the task in silence. I raised my head and looked around camp. I found Carl wandering around alone, as usual. I noticed he was walking towards us so I purposely headed to the pile of woods farther away from the truck. I caught Shane shoot me a confused look and I rolled my eyes at the approaching kid.

From the corner of my eyes I spied on them. I barely caught some words, and then the boy walked away. I frowned and cocked my head to the side. I raised a brow at Shane and he shook his head lightly. I shrugged and tilted my head at the kid's retreating back all the while Shane and I looked at each other. He caught the hint and called the boy back, I walked some few feet away from them to give the boy more confidence. I grabbed some woods and piled them on one side to take them to the truck once they were done talking. Things would get harder for me if we moved into the house. It would be harder to sneak out my bandages from my bag without being suspicious. More now that Daryl would sleep a few feet away. No privacy.

"I'm never touching another gun again!" Carl spoke loudly and my head popped up like a wild animal's. I turned to them and I watched as the boy walked away from the truck and Shane.

After I lost sight of him I grabbed the wood tiles and headed to the truck. "The fuck?" I asked Shane a little bit annoyed and crossed. Shane raised the gun and told me Carl had grabbed it from Daryl's bike. I squinted at the handgun, somehow it looked familiar. "Is it just me or… Have I seen this gun b'fore?" I shot a quick glance at Shane and he cocked his head to the side. It took me a while to recognize it but the moment it hit me my eyes opened wide. "Motherfucker!"

"Wha'?" My rant brought Shane back from whatever thought he was in. I raised my eyes to look at him and grabbed the gun from his hands.

"This is my gun!" I told him and he frowned. "Lemme replay it fer ya… Picture a highway, traffic jam, me makin' an appearance with a small briefcase," Shane's eyes moved rapidly for side to side with realization. "Motherfucker that Daryl sumbitch!" I shook my head and took some steps away from the truck visibly pissed. Now my eyes moved from side to side as I recalled my act. I put the briefcase in my bag, that night I went to sleep in a car, away from the others. I got rid of the briefcase and kept the gun, tucked it in a separate pocket in my backpack. Daryl couldn't have known I had a gun; he wasn't there when I showed it around. He wasn't back when I tucked it in my bag.

_Dale. _

My eyes opened wide. Dale had seen the gun, he saw me put the briefcase in the backpack. _Coward. _If Dale had told Daryl about the gun, that meant Daryl had touched my bag, he tucked his hand inside to look for it, touched the bandages. _No wonder he's been following me 'round. He clearly don' trust me. _But I just couldn't picture a moment when something like that could've happened. Or it could have been Dale himself, who had touched my bag and later given the gun to Daryl. _Good luck yer fuckin' dead old man, otherwise I woulda killed ya right now. _"Damn it!" I fumed. I walked back to the truck and gave the gun back to Shane. "Dunno how ta fuckin' use it, no wonder I never noticed it went missing." I shook my head and threw the last tiles of wood in the truck and walked towards its passenger's seat. "'s head back."

As we drove away, towards the mill I caught Shane look at me from the corner of my eyes, his mouth opened and close twice after he finally spoke. "What's the matter?" He asked. As if I didn't hear I looked outside through the window, lost in thought as the land passed by. I bit my dirty thumb to calm myself down. I felt robbed, violated. I couldn't blame no one else but myself for being so careless, so naïve. My trust issues with the members didn't get any better after this. Now I understood why Dale wouldn't trust me, why he looked at me with wary eyes all the time, or why I felt like he always kept an eye on me. Who would've known what Dale could've possibly told Daryl, or Rick, or the other ones. What Dale thought of my actions, my rants, never mattered to me. Instead, they motivated me to challenge. What it'd never occurred to me was the he could vent his opinions to others in the group, make them doubt my integrity like he did with Shane's.

I dropped my thumb and looked down, then raised my eyes to look at Shane. "He took it… I dunno how– He didn' kno' 'bout i'…" I stammered.

"Who? Daryl?" Shane spoke as he switched his gaze between the road ahead and me.

"I dunno if it was 'im man… He didn' know 'bout it. He never saw it. He wasn' on the highway when I showed it," I raised my thumb to my mouth again. "The only person that actually saw me put it away was fuckin' Dale." I hit the car's seat in frustration and looked outside again. Shane made no further comment.

When finally reached the mill, we got out of the car and Shane opened the back door. We unloaded the wood tiles and set them next to the mill's base. Shane grabbed the hammer and I threw him the pack of nails. He climbed up to a higher base where the new lookout post would be built. "Ready," he said out loud as I covered my eyes from the sun. "C'mon." he turned to face me and extended his hand. I grabbed a tile and handed it to him.

I looked around the land and set my eyes in the house ahead. I could see all the cars around and some people moving around carrying stuff. I couldn't find Daryl though, and somehow that made me uneasy. I grew worried about my things; I carefully hid them behind a tree, now I hoped no one would find it or try to be helpful and take them. I looked up at Shane once again, he had requested me to hand him more tiles now that he could set them besides him. He only had half left. I tapped my foot uneasy as I glanced at the house every now and then.

"Hey, man," I called Shane. "Imma… Imma head back ta camp and get us sum more water. Canteen's empty y'kno'."

"Jus' go man," Shane chuckled as he set another tile. "I can finish this on ma own." He looked down at me and gave a nod.

I ran towards the old camp to check on my stuff. On my way I tried to figure if it'd be better if I put my stuff in the house now or wait until they were all settled. I watched T-Dog unload baskets of the new clothes I had gathered and step inside the house. I bit my lip and stopped to think; shot a glance at my gear and headed to the door. I studied the living room, now fully crowded, and checked for a slightly private spot I could claim.

I must've had the word 'lost' written all over my face because I had Beth quietly mutter "Guys sleep over there…" I abruptly turned to face her and she took a step back. She then stretched her hand and pointed to an area where Daryl and Glenn were setting their belongings down. I nodded and approached Glenn.

"Hey," I called and he turned, I frowned at his stressed face. "Ya ok?" I shrugged at whatever feeling made me ask him that and got to the point. "Would ya save me that spot?" I showed him a nice place by the window, close to one of the chimneys. _As private as it can get. _He nodded and I turned around to leave, go back to the mill to continue with my job.

As I headed towards the mill I saw Shane pace around his car uneasy. He ran his hand frantically over his shaved head. I frowned suspiciously when Lori shot a nervous glance at me and wrapped her hands around her waist as she walked towards the rest of the people.

I jogged to get to Shane sooner. "Ya ok?" _What's the matter with me wantin' ta know how everyone's doin' lately? _I turned around to look at Lori one last time. Shane must've caught me doing so as I had him look down in guilt. I looked up to check on the lookout post we built and found it unfinished. "Go," I said and looked back at him again. "I'll get it done. Get outta 'ere." I tilted my head towards the house. He nodded more to himself than to me and hopped inside the car. I climbed up to the second base we built and finished the task.

Once done I sat and thought about everything. My family, my friends, my job. My past. I loved my job, I used to work to the point of slavery but every fifteen days I earned a pretty generous sum of money. I also got along perfectly well with my co-workers, they'd party hard most of the times but I didn't. I'd get home dead tired, get few hours of sleep and wake up early to go to work again. After the apocalypse hit I actually felt relieved I lost contact with most of my friends due to my job, but that didn't keep me from not looking for them after what happened with my family. Never found them though.

I looked down at my hands. They went from nice, almost girly hands with nail polish to rough, callous male hands. After all this time I could still see my mother's blood all over them.

And it was as if the land ahead of me had changed, and I was now staring at the open gates that lead to my house.


	24. Chapter 24: Run Away

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 24: RUN AWAY**

Since the apocalypse begun, the one habit I had never let go of was washing my hands. People used to chastise me about my comments of feeling my hands dirty all the time. So every time I was near a water source, even if it was with rain itself, I would wash my hands. Rub them hard with a towel or sponge or even with sand. But it seemed that no matter how many times I did, my mother's blood would never rub off.

I closed my eyes and squeezed the hard to urge the memories away. I opened them wildly and shook my head to keep myself from reliving the horror once again. I froze at the sight. The green land ahead was gone; there were no trees, no wells, and no barn. Nothing. The farm was gone.

I was now staring at the deserted streets of my neighborhood.

_I'm going back to a time when we owned this town…_

I halfheartedly looked to each side of the road. Total and complete abandonment. After the apocalypse had reached us, our neighbors were the first to leave, so the streets were empty right from the beginning. But this time there was an odd feeling growing inside. _I've lived this._

I looked straight and saw the gates of my house wide open. _Oh no._ I cocked my head to the side and pounced over the main gate in order to check the lock. It wasn't broken. _What happened here? _I stepped inside and studied the cars, all of them neatly parked. I immediately dropped the large bag of supplies I carried and ran towards the door. When I opened it I had to take a couple of steps back. I felt sick, it could've been due to the stench or because of the state my house was in after about three hours of being away.

The floor was no longer white; the walls were no longer beige. It looked as if someone had poured a bucket full of grime and blood all over the place. Chairs were dropped on the floor, some of them were broken. A little pool of blood was formed at the bottom of the stairs. I looked to my left, the little glass window in the kitchen swing door was broken. Blood covered the door from bottom to top. I looked to the right. The glass frame separating the living room and dining room was broken into a million pieces. I decided to go left.

I pulled out from my back the knife my father gave me and took an apprehensive stance as I tiptoed my way towards the kitchen. I tried to keep my eyes focused in the door ahead, trying to ignore the state the dining room was in. I took a deep breath and pushed the swing door. A gasp. A sinking feeling inside. "Oh no…" My voice faltered, immediately my vision got blurry. I squeezed my eyes and sniffed to keep myself put. There, on the floor surrounded by a pool of blood and leftovers laid the lifeless body of my grandmother. Next to her, laid my little sister and two little cousins. I looked at one of my cousins and shook my head. _She was here for a visit. How things have turned. _"Grandma? Grandma!" I shook her body in vain. Didn't know what I did that for because all my eyes wanted to do was travel down and stare at her open stomach. I gritted my teeth and embedded the knife in her head. I knelt down besides my sister and hugged her one last time. When I dropped her down again the blood on her face moisten. I wiped my tears and staggered at the blood that now covered the back of my hand.

After I finished them off I left the kitchen and marched drunkenly towards the living room. _Please, please. Come on. _Words would never describe the emptiness that was growing inside of me as I now stared at my stepfather's corpse laid on the couch as if it were a sack. My eyes traveled around the room and caught my other cousin and stepbrother. Their eyes wide open but with no life in them. Breathing had gotten much harder with each body I found. I walked towards the boys and smashed their skulls. I turned around to get to my father when something caught my attention. I frowned and looked closely at the small arm that popped out from beneath him. I looked up and didn't recognize my face, the despair in it when I looked at my reflection on the window. "Mater?" I called my sister by the nickname I used for her. "Nooo… Mater?" I approached them and kept my eyes on the roof as I pulled my father's body away from her. The gap that was now his back was something I would never want to see twice. I grew sick, disgusted at myself after I finished both of them too. I tried to be faster to keep them from coming back. I knew I wouldn't be able to kill a member of my family. No matter what they have turned into. I looked at the knife in my hand. _What if my father had this? He wouldn't be lying there with a gap on his back… _I shook my head as the anger and remorse grew. I walked towards the stairs. I dreaded whatever I would find up there. Fear increased as I looked at the blood that dripped all the way to the bottom of the steps. I wiped the tears from my face violently and climbed the stairs, splashing blood in each step. I cried silently, feeling that itching on my throat as I went up.

Up there, in the private upstairs living room was my aunt, besides laid her daughter hugging her husband in a weird way. They all had bite marks on their shoulders, arms, legs. I approached them and embedded the knife in their heads. I placed my hand on the shoulders of my older cousin and her husband. My jaw clenched as my hands submerged themselves in the blood on their shoulders. I pushed them apart and fell on my butt. Curled up like a cocoon was their 3-year-old daughter, white as paper and cold as ice supporting a large bite mark on her little arm. She didn't make it either. I plunged the knife on her little skull and stood up furious. I walked away from them into my sister's room. I choked and broke down. My grandfather, that was too much. I panted as I entered the room fully and also found my cousin's aunt's body. They both had a cigarette in their fingers. I cried loud, didn't care if there were any walkers left or not. Didn't care if they found me or not. Didn't care if they tore me into pieces or not. I thought it would be better. To just run off towards those herds.

I clasped my hands and squeezed them hard, trying to feel the pain they'd felt. I let out a soundless scream after I embedded the knife in their heads. I turned around to leave the room; I raised my head and noticed my bedroom door, across the small living room, was closed. _Please, one. Jus' gimme this one. _On my way out I tripped on something I hadn't noticed when I stepped inside. I looked down at whatever it was and found a body. I frowned. It was rotten; several chunks of skin were missing. _I don't know you. _My eyes traveled up and caught the small bullet hole on its forehead. I abruptly turned around and saw the gun near my grandfather. "Son of a bitch!" I yelled as I turned to face the walker on the ground. My grip tightened even more around the knife's butt but it the knife never came down. Instead I raised my left foot and stepped on the walker's head, kicked it hard to smash its skull in the most savage way possible. I yelled ballistic, completely out of control as the much hidden darkness within me won over.

I stopped several minutes later due to fatigue. I studied what was left of the body and walked away from the room. I wiped the sweat– or tears, with my bloody hands. I took a deep breath while I took hold of my door handle. _Jus' this one… Please._

"Matt!" I shook my head. "Hey Matt!" I squeezed my eyes and waited some seconds to open them again. I took a deep breath and opened them wide. My shoulders relaxed as the air came out. Green ahead, wide and infinite lands of green. _I'm back._ "Hey, you up there!" I realized someone was calling me, a voice I barely heard since we arrived. I stood up on the lookout post Shane and I had built and reached a corner.

"Yeah?" I yelled back. I cocked my head to the side after realization hit me. Something must've happened if someone other than a member of the group came for me. He tucked his hands in the pockets of his vest and waited. I climbed down and sniffed, before I turned to face the boy I ran my hands over my face a little too harsh.

"You need to get to your group… Now," Jimmy said uneasy, I immediately turned to look at him. The moment he said the word group my mind instantly pictured Shane, next to him Andrea and T-Dog. No one else. Except for a blurry figure far away that I believed it would be Daryl. "Something happened…" He added as he took some steps back and started walking towards the house.

I hesitated for a moment after following him. I felt stuck in place, as if my feet were glued to the ground. I looked over my shoulder up to the lookout post I sat in. _You can run away boy but you won't go far. _I ran my hands over my face one last time and after a deep breath I followed Jimmy.

* * *

><p>Halfway towards the house I noticed Jimmy detoured and quickened his pace towards the shed. I looked past his shoulders and noticed everyone had gathered around it.<p>

"What's wrong?" I asked as Jimmy and I jogged to catch up.

"Randall's missing…" Glenn replied as he paced around and searched for Maggie.

"How long?" Jimmy asked besides me.

"That's hard ta say," I muttered and walked towards the shed. I locked eyes with Daryl for some seconds before he walked away and I squinted. I looked inside the small shed the boy was kept in out of pure curiosity. I never saw the boy, and really wasn't interested in either. I just wanted him gone, not free but dead. If he had run away it was just a matter of time his group would find us, and things would get pretty ugly.

"Rick! Rick!" I heard Shane holler and I instantly raised my head to look for him. Shane was beaten down, his nose was broken and blood covered half of his face. "He's armed! He's got my gun!" He said as he approached. I tapped my foot uneasy and leaned by the shed's door.

"A'right, Hershel, T-Dog," Rick snapped and raised his hand to give out orders. "Get everybody else in the house," he said as he looked at me and gave a small nod. I bit my lip and nodded back. "Glenn, Daryl, come with us." I pushed myself from the wall and tilted my head for Jimmy to follow me. He grabbed Beth and they both walked with me towards the house, Hershel followed close behind. "Get everybody back in the house, lock all the doors and stay put!" Rick added and I looked over my shoulder.

"Come on, 's go!" I ushered the rest with Andrea and T-Dog behind. As we ran I looked to my side and remembered my stuff was still out there, I never picked it up and put it inside the house. I changed my route and ran towards the large tree where hid it. I looked over my shoulder and noticed Jimmy and Beth stopped. "Go, go. I'm right behind ya." Jimmy nodded and they continued. I grabbed my tent, my backpack and accommodated the sleeping bag so it wouldn't fall while I ran. I put the bag on my back and ran towards the house. Right behind me the main door was locked. I dropped my gear and checked on every single door, every access to the house and waited. Waited for someone to come back.


	25. Chapter 25: Bargain

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 25: BARGAIN**

I looked around to check on everyone inside the house. I caught Maggie wrap her arms around her father, besides them Beth hugged Patricia as Jimmy placed a hand on her shoulder. I looked to the other side, Lori, Carol and Andrea were stuck staring at what could be seen through the windows. I turned around missing two people. I found T-Dog took a seat in one of the couches as he munched some bread. "Hey," I shot one last glance at the window and tapped the doorframe I laid on twice then made my way towards T-Dog. "Gimme sum. Haven' eaten all day…"

He split the loaf in half and handed me one. We ate it in silence; I was deep in thought sorting out the pros and cons of staying in the farm. Even my past had caught me here. But leaving the farm would be hard, I lost track of how much time we've been here without any trouble, it was like the apocalypse had stopped. While outside this land, the world got worse every day. But now that our little piece of heaven had been revealed, it was just a matter of time others would find out. _It ain' safer 'ere no more. _"Think we should get ready y'kno'… Jus' in case." T-Dog looked down at his hands then raised his eyes and stared straight ahead. I followed his line of sight and realized Lori had sent glares my way. I switched to the person besides her, Andrea. She placed a hand on Lori's shoulder and turned her to the window again. Andrea and I stared at each other and she gave a small nod before turning away again. My eyes traveled around the room and I noticed Jimmy staring at me intently. I raised a brow and he mimicked. I pointed with my chin at all of our stuff in the room and then made a small wag with my head. He understood. And I smirked.

I patted on T-Dog's shoulder and left the room. "Imma go check 'roun'." I said over my shoulder. I couldn't help having that odd feeling in the pit of my stomach. The one people would call 'intuition– the female sixth sense', the one I'd always claimed I lacked. In my case, it was the entire opposite. I strolled around the house and stopped by the stairs. I still missed Carl. I took one deep breath and climbed the steps, I let my hand slide on the railing. I tried to be as quiet as possible but the floor didn't cooperate much. I seemed like I walked around with high heels again.

"You worried?" My husky voice startled the boy staring at the window. Carl quickly turned around to face me and my eyes focused in the binoculars in his hands. The boy lowered his head until I couldn't see him anymore because of the hat he always wore. I didn't enter the room fully but instead laid on the doorframe and tucked my hands in my front pockets. I bit my lip. I couldn't place the uneasiness I felt. After what happened to me earlier this day, maybe the time to tell them the truth had come; maybe this was the time to let them know I'm not a man, that Matt does not exist; maybe this was the time to see if I'd join them permanently or I'd leave. _Or they'd kick you out._ I ran my left hand over my mouth and let out an exasperated breath.

"Hey… Matt," I rolled my eyes to face Carl when he spoke. "W– would you… If– if…"

"Speak yer mind boy, 'm listenin'." I ushered him sarcastically.

"If– if I go…" He looked back to the window then his eyes settled on me, determination is what I saw. "Would ya tell my mom?"

I chuckled and flicked my tongue. "That's a hard one boy…" I drawled, thick with my accent. I chewed the inside of my cheek as Carl looked down in apparent defeat. I looked down at my feet and tapped the doorframe twice then walked away from the room. Two steps later I heard the boy speak again and instantly stop, I smirked. _Bargain._

I entered the room I once slept in and walked to the window. I could see the old barn from here. I shook my head in disappointment._ Sophia. Damn it you were right there._ I caught some small figures approaching. I squinted and looked closer; I squeezed my eyes pushing them to adjust quicker to the darkness outside. _Oh no. _My hands flew to my head and I immediately turned around. I climbed down the stairs taking three steps at a time, not caring about the scandal I made. "Walkers! Walkers outside!" I yelled as I reached the floor.

I ran to the room they all were in; the moment I entered my steps faltered. Daryl and Glenn were back. I stared right into Daryl's eyes, frozen in place. A rush of nerves and insecurity went through my body. I swallowed hard and after what seemed to be ages for me I spoke again. "There're walkers outside!" I wiped the cold sweat that traveled on my face while everyone ran outside to check. I looked around the room for my stuff. The moment I found it the lights went off.

"Matt!" I heard Andrea hiss.

"Over 'ere." I replied shortly as I set my backpack on my back, ready to flee if needed.

"Where's the bag o' guns?" I heard some bumping and rustling of furniture. I helped her look around as Lori flew past me.

"Found it!" I hissed to Andrea. She quickly approached, pulled a handgun out and ran back outside. I looked at the door and frowned when Lori came back inside, this time with Carol.

Once in the porch I saw Maggie hand a shotgun to Glenn, there were only so many shotguns in that bag. And the only fire gun I knew how to use was a shotgun. When T-Dog grabbed a handgun and stepped away I made my way towards the bag and found there were no more shotguns left. _Fuck._ I walked away from them and pulled out my axes. I tucked my hand in the lower pocket of my bag and pulled out the three throwing knives. I set them in my pants in a way I could pull out and throw them away easily. _Better be a man now Kat. _

"Come on! Let's get to the cars!" Glenn shouted as he and Maggie quickly took off towards Shane's car.

_Shane. _

I haven't noticed he and Rick weren't back until that moment. "Shane!" I yelled as ran around the house. "Shane!"

"Matt!" I abruptly turned to the voice, hoping in vain that voice would be his. It wasn't as grave as his. It wasn't him.

But my stubbornness always made me believe what I wanted to believe. "Sha–"

"Matt, get over 'ere!" Jimmy continued as he waved and pointed towards the RV. _You've gotta be kiddin' me. Bet yer ass tha' shi' ain' gon' work with me in it. _I dropped my head and ran to him. I hopped in the driver's seat. Jimmy looked at me crossed but got my point when I raised my weapons and pointed at his handgun.

"Damn, drivin' this shit's hard." I complained while half of Jimmy's body hung outside the window as he shot the walkers. I drove towards the main entrance of the farm, the same gate I used when I drove a bleeding T-Dog the first day. We stopped right at the borderline and I flicked the lights to gather the walkers' attention. "Shoot at those that are already in!" I instructed Jimmy when I saw he was shooting at the ones up front. I took a quick glance to my back. It was neither the moment nor time to get nostalgic but I couldn't help it. Whilst the boy took aim, I replayed every activity that had occurred inside this RV. I looked at the table, where we had many dinners and where Shane almost got to teach me how to use a handgun.

_Shane. Where the hell is he? _

"I'm goin' out." I said more to myself than to Jimmy. The boy had gotten back inside to load his gun again. I didn't give him time to question me. He wouldn't dare either, so I jumped off the driver's seat and grabbed both axes.

"… Rick or Shane… Fire." Was all I managed to understand but, it was enough to make my head pop up. I ran towards the front of the RV and halfway there I saw it. The barn, the weird storage closet Hershel kept his people in, it was on fire. Burning down and gathering more walkers by the second.

"Got it!" Jimmy woke me up from whatever thought I got lost in and drove towards the burning barn. I jumped on the passenger's seat and adjusted my grip on the axe. I stretched my arm outside and grabbed the axe by its butt. I chopped a bunch of heads off before I put my arm back inside to rest. "It's Rick 'n' his boy." Jimmy commented and I raised my head to look at them. _Where's Shane?_ Rick waved at us frantically and instructed us to park right underneath them.

"It's a freakin' pool of walkers!" I cursed inside. What Rick wanted us to do was almost suicidal. I knew the RV's door wasn't strong enough to handle all the pushing. Nevertheless Jimmy drove down there. I got closer to the window and watched as Rick grabbed Carl's hand and jumped from rooftop to rooftop. "They're here." I called when I heard footsteps atop the RV. I jumped off the seat and went towards the bathroom to open a small hatch and let them in. I looked over my shoulder and saw Jimmy stood up and walked towards the door. "No, get back there," I pointed to the driver's seat, Jimmy looked at me and then at the door. "Drive the hell aw–" I couldn't finish my remark for the RV's door broke down and walkers swarmed in. My breath faltered. "JIMMYYYYYY!" I yelled my heart out. I tried to reach him as his arm stretched to touch me. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. I passed the axe from my right hand to my left and raised it. Jimmy eyes closed as he endured the pain of being eaten alive. I dropped the axe and put him out of his misery. I took advantage of his dead body and ran away from the door. I grabbed my gear and made my way to the bathroom. I secured the door and stepped on the sink. I grabbed the clean axe and with its butt I hit the plastic frame used as a roof trying to break free. I adjusted my stance on the sink when I slipped. "Ow Fuck!" I looked at my right arm. My pullover's sleeve was cut, and so was my arm. Right next to the long scrape I earned in the woods. _Fucking deserve it fer bein' stupid. Did it never occur ta put the sharp end away from ya? _I built up rage in me and finally managed to break the plastic roof. I let out three quick breaths and jumped to get a grip on it. My grip on the open top tightened up to a bleeding point when I pulled myself up by arm's strength.

Atop the RV I pulled out one if the knives in my waist and cut off the entire sleeve. With the help of my mouth I tore it in pieces and tied it around my cut. _Better be glad it wasn' the useful one. _I made my way to the back ladder and looked around the land. Major chaos. It had been so long since I witnessed something like that. I squeezed my eyes when some memories flashed by. Bodies. Dead bodies ripped apart. My father. My sisters. My family. A door handle. My door handle. My bloody hand on it. I looked up to the black sky. There was no sky. There was a roof. I closed my eyes and with my good hand hit myself in the head. _Come on. Now's not the time._ I slapped my temple once more before coming back completely. I looked down and saw a clear ground. I climbed down and ran away from the RV. Away from the painful memories that holed that RV. That barn.

I circled the big truck and looked to my left at the dark woods. Then I looked straight at the cars driving around and shooting frantically. _Should I stay or should I go. _I saw Glenn ahead, half his body outside the window of Shane's car. "Fuck." I spat and ran towards the rest of the people.

"Carol! Carol stop!" I tried to stop Carol from running further away from the house but there was no use. She was in shock. Carol pushed me away from her and kept on running towards the chicken shed. "It's a dead end! Get yer ass over 'ere!" I threw some knives to the walkers closest to her before I got pulled down by my backpack. I looked up and saw a gross, rotten face crouching to get me. Pulling the same stunt I did in Atlanta, I rolled on my back away from the corpse and quickly stood back up. "Hey! Sum bitches, over 'ere!" I tried to get the attention of the walkers from Carol, for she was defenseless.

I ran to the end of Hershel's land and crossed the fence right when a blue pickup truck got closer. I waved my arms and it flicked its light. I jogged towards it as the trucked slowed its speed but never came to a full stop. I pulled my gear off and threw them on the bed. I looked around and saw the walkers swarm around us. I hit the side of the bed and the truck picked up some speed. I ran faster to catch up and jumped on the back as the driver pushed the gas and quickly drove away from the farm.


	26. Chapter 26: I Will Wait

__Italics: OC's thoughts__

**CHAPTER 26: I WILL WAIT**

I huddled at the back of the bed with my bag and had my weapons at the ready in case walkers got too close. After some hours of driving in a straight line, the sky had gotten slightly brighter. I looked over my shoulder and realized the driver was T-Dog. At that I let out a breath I didn't know I held. I turned to the other side and managed to see Lori hugging a blond girl. _Beth._ I looked away from them and instead stared at the road we traveled on. Horrid flashes of Jimmy's death would now haunt me every time I'd see Beth. I couldn't keep myself from feeling like a failure because I've let down yet another person. I raised my wounded arm and flinched due to the pain. _Come on wuss. This ain' nothin' like what Jimmy or yer family felt. Don' be pathetic._ I couldn't keep myself from being so harsh on me either. I untied the cloths and studied the cut. It was pretty deep. The bleeding had stopped but I ran the risk of getting an infection due to the state it was in. I grabbed my bag and opened the middle pocket. I pulled out some pills, some rubbing alcohol, cotton and a small colorless glue pommel. I swallowed a couple of antibiotics and put the rest of the pills away. I cleaned the wound with the alcohol and bit my lip. It burned. I did the same thing until it stopped burning. "Ok. Now it gets hard." It actually took me more time than I'd be proud of to find a way of gluing my skin back together without leaving any gaps. _Blame it on the lack of sleep. It's frustrating. _I pressed my injured arm on my thigh and squeezed it down with my upper arm to close the cut while I applied the glue over the wound with my other hand. I stood in that position until the sky was blue again.

I stuffed my first aid things back in my bag and looked for something to eat instead. I pulled some granola bars and a very smashed cereal box. I glared at the three bars. _Kat… Ya kno' what'll happen after this. You've carried on so long. You couldn't stop if you tried it._ I sighed. I shifted in my place and tapped Lori's window. "Dunno if they're still edible," I spoke halfheartedly as I pretty much shoved the bars on her face after she lowered the window. Lori too could notice the reluctance in my voice. "But y'all can have 'em… This time." I added the last as a warning. Hoped she wouldn't dare tell the others I had food.

"Thank you." She cracked. When I felt the bars had been pulled away from my grasp I ate my cereal.

Later on I lowered on my back and rested my head on the sleeping bag. "Holy shit!" I gasped as I rolled on violently in the truck's bed. I sat up and noticed we turned around. I tapped the back window and raised my arms in a questioning matter. T-Dog raised his index finger and made a circular movement with it. _We're goin' back._ "Lil' heads up next time won' harm y'all!" I drawled loudly saw Beth giggle.

* * *

><p>- Loud engine roar -<p>

I pushed myself up from the bed and sat up straight again. I leaned my back on the truck's front cabin and listened. Again. It got louder each time. I tapped one side to catch T-Dog's attention. "Hear tha'?" T-Dog adjusted the rearview mirror and nodded. I tilted my head towards a side of the road and he slowly pulled over. I grabbed my axes and my gear. "Come on," I jumped off the bed and ran to the woods. "Let's get outta here and hide fer a while." I tossed one axe to T-Dog while he ushered Lori and Beth to the woods.

And so we waited.

It wasn't very long after the sound got close enough to recognize it. I frowned and looked at T-Dog. He cocked his head to the side and shifted a bit. I stepped away from them a few feet, towards the noise. I paid careful attention. I felt I could almost reassure that was one of the group. I could bet it was Daryl. _And his God damned bike._ I scoffed and nodded sarcastically as realization hit me. I looked to my left and saw it get closer in one of the dirt roads adjacent to us. Shane's car right behind.

_Brother please tell me yer fine._

I walked back to the others and told them it was ok to come out. Daryl pulled over and I believed I saw his shoulders relax when he led his eyes on me. Carol and Lori ran to each other and hugged, as did Beth and Maggie. I looked away from Daryl and got closer to T-Dog as he greeted Glenn. _Coward._ _Jus' admit that yer glad he's fine 'n' 'round._

"Y'all headin' back ta the highway?" I asked with my arms crossed and casually kicked some dirt.

"Yeah…" Glenn spoke up and I looked at him. "Go and see if there's anyone else left," The bitterness in his voice was almost palpable. "Figured that'd be the place we'd all go to." He looked back down and I did to.

"Well, 's go…" Daryl spoke this time. "They ain' gon' wait forever." He turned his bike's engine back on and Carol hopped on his back. I abruptly looked away from them resentful.

"Come on." I barked, put my gear back in the bed and hopped in. There was a visible change in my attitude. Beth and Maggie said their farewells for the next few minutes and Maggie returned to Shane's car. T-Dog slowly picked up speed and followed behind Glenn.

I stared again at the road we left behind. My mind wandered around aimlessly but I got more focused when Daryl popped in. _Daryl. Fucking sum bitch. _"How come we still can't get completely along? Are we just so similar? Are we that different?" I gave myself the liberty to rant out loud since the bike's engine could be heard pretty clearly for a three mile radio. Even I had a hard time to hear myself speak because of that engine. "He saw it… He fucking saw the bandage. He fucking asked me what it was. He touched my bag! He has my gun! I called it truce!" After the last phrase I had to laugh. I didn't manage to understand how an act of almost half a yearlong could be ruined in no more than three days. "How could our relationship deteriorate so fast? He called me brother for fuck's sake!" I punched my bag and shook my head. "What if he said sumthin'? Naw… He ain' the kind. He'll just prolly find out himself and torture me with it. But what does he get from that? Admit that I'm a girl? What's he gon' do with tha' information?"

I kept on asking myself questions I'd never find the right answers for. _It all depends on the point of view._ I raised my eyes from my palms to the road; the woods were no longer on each side. I turned my head and saw a traffic jam. We were back on the highway. I stood up and turned to look up front to where Daryl and Glenn were driving. I knew those cars. _Sophia._ I noticed a red suburban and some heads around it. We crossed to the other lane to reach them, and then T-Dog came to a full stop.

Those who still had their families ran towards each other. Those– us, who didn't, stood by and watched. I didn't even bother to jump off the bed. I looked around the mass of cars because down there, two thirds of my group was missing. My anger grew as Daryl nonchalantly explained Rick how he found Glenn.

"Where're the rest of us?" That caught my attention. My head automatically turned to look at Rick.

"We're the only ones who made it so far…" Rick said huskily as he stood back up.

"'n' Shane?" Lori took the word out of my mouth. _Please, please._ But Rick only shook his head. My face contorted even worse. My hands turned into fists when Rick looked at me for seconds. I caught Lori doing the same, her face blank. _At least we agree now. _

I was about to open my mouth to ask about the other pending member of my group, when Glenn beat me to it. "Andrea?"

"She saved me, and then I lost her…" Carol mumbled in her place besides Daryl.

"We saw her go down." T-Dog added with a rueful tone. I stomped my foot on the bed and jumped down. I walked away from them over the front side of the red suburban to lose some fumes. I balled my hands into fists and huddled them to my face as I tried to calm down without having to scream or break stuff.

After some seconds I turned around to face the group again and saw Daryl and Hershel were staring at me. My jaw clenched and I tucked my hands in my front pockets as I approached.

"He was in the RV… He got overrun." My steps faltered and I froze in place. Beth cried even more after the news. Rick span and looked at me. He cocked his head and from the look he gave I could almost read his question. I raised an eyebrow and cocked my head to the side. I would have no regrets for making Rick believe I blamed him for Jimmy's fate even though I didn't, I carried enough guilt for all of them.

"There were walkers everywhere." I heard Lori and I broke my staring contest with Rick.

"Did you see her?" Carol insisted and I knew she meant Andrea. When no one replied I was startled.

"No one cared ta check?!" I spat and Daryl jumped from his place.

"'m gonna go back." He said and I automatically walked towards him. When Rick said no I was ready to jump and punch him. "We can' jus' leave 'er."

"We don' even know she's there…" Lori said as she secured her arms around Carl's neck.

"Then Imma go through the woods–" I instantly walked to the blue pickup's bed and pulled out an axe.

"She isn't there– she isn't." Rick quickly added before anyone could make an objection. "She's somewhere else or she's dead. There's no way to find her."

My grip on the axe's butt tightened after what Rick said. "So you're not even gonna look for 'er?" Glenn asked bewildered.

"We gotta keep movin'." Was all Rick said.

_So why don' ya go, Kat? Huh? Be on yer own like before. Now that more than half of yer tight knit's gone… Why'd ya still be with 'em for? _

"No." I tried to keep my voice calm but it didn't work. It cracked. I kept my head down as my grip around the axe's butt tightened until my knuckles went white.

"What?"

"No. We can't leave 'er," My jaw clenched as I raised my head and faced Rick. "If y'all ain' sure she died we can' leave. What if she gets 'ere? Are y'all jus' gon' make her believe she's the only one that made it? 'm pretty sure she saw someone leave that place…"

"Matt…"

"No! The same way y'all looked fer Sophia and waited 'ere. We can wait for her– I will wait." I raised my head and looked up to the sky. I hated this. Hated the feeling of worrying again. I've already lost Shane. I couldn't lose someone else.

"There'd be walkers crawlin' all over 'ere." Rick tried to argue. I knew he was right. _But she was my friend! He was my brother!_ I shook my head in stubbornness. "Matt," I heard Rick's steps get closer to me. "We need you." It seemed like all the anger he carried had gone away with that remark. He voiced it so calm and soothing. Right to my ear, like it was meant for a lover. _Like he wanted me to believe so._ And just like that I couldn't control my anger anymore and with a loud howl I raised the axe and broke the nearest car's window.

I breathed in heavily as my shoulders went up and down several times before I reached a normal breathing again. "'m sorry." I mumbled and walked back to the blue pickup to retreat my gear.


	27. Chapter 27: Endless Echo

_Italics: OC'sthoughts._

**CHAPTER 27: ENDLESS ECHO**

_The hell's she still doin' there?_ I shifted carefully in my place so as not to startle Beth, who peacefully slept besides me with her head on my shoulder. I looked at the motorcycle up front and couldn't help but to scoff in disgust. _Plenty o' room in the other truck._ I felt some anger built up in me, which was directed at Carol; somehow I blamed her for what happened to Andrea. But I didn't know if that'd be the only thing I held a grudge on her for.

A loud honk brought me back from my thoughts and woke up Beth too. She wiped the sleep from her face and gave me a small, sheepish smile. Glenn pulled over and we all descended the cars. Rick talked about what could be our plan for the next day since by now the sun was going down. While everyone made small complaints about our current situation, I walked to the back line of the cars and waited. As if by some miracle Shane or Andrea would pop out from the woods and catch up. I couldn't help but wonder what had been of them.

_Where did everything go wrong?_

"You know I found Randall, righ'?" I heard Daryl speak huskily when I walked back to Shane's car. I quickly pulled out a water bottle from my bag and a pill. As fast as I had pulled them out, I hid the bottle after I swallowed the pill again and made my way towards the group. "He turned… Bu' he weren' bit." I played with my grip on the axe on my left while all of them looked at Rick for an explanation. When he gave no reply, Daryl continued. "Shane killed Randall. Like he always wanted ta."

"'cause it was the right thing." I blurted out and some turned to look at me surprised. I was just too broken inside I didn't care. T-Dog kept his eyes on me as I lay on Shane's car. I knew T-Dog and I thought the same, I knew Andrea did too. That was why we'd always stuck together; we built up some force in that group.

"We're all infected," Rick spoke halfheartedly. That was a shock. "At the CDC, Jenner tol' me. Whatever it is… We all carry i'." I raised my head and studied the faces of the ones I could see. Carol immediately jumped offended and some paced around. _What's the big deal? _

"And you never said anything?" Carol accused.

"Would it make any difference?" I muttered low and Rick said it out loud. Everyone had shot Rick accusing glances; like it was his fault we carried it. It must've been the third time I actually took Rick's side on some issue. I believed that whether we carried the thing or not, it didn't make any difference, we'd all still struggle to survive each day. We'd still be overly careful every time.

"How could he?" Carol complained after Rick walked away. She was starting to get on my nerves, just like Dale.

"Woman, would it make any difference if you knew or not?" I emphasized each word hysterically. "Would it affect ya in some way now that ya know 'bout it?"

"You knew–"

"No I didn'. Jus' found ou' now… Only tha' I'm not lettin' it be some disadvantage, I'm not lettin' it woodworm in me and make me give up or whatever."

"We're not lettin' it eat us up…" Glenn added.

"Well i' jus' looks like y'all are." I barked. I took some steps to the back seat of Shane's car and pulled out the other axe. "So jus' shut the fuck up y'all 'n' be useful for once." I raised an apologetic palm at Hershel for the language and passed the axe to T-Dog.

I believed I heard Carol mutter 'Merle'.

I walked inside the woods across the street. I strolled around numbly lost in my thoughts. I collected some thick branches and saved one for play like I used to do it when I was a kid. I heard some rustling behind and looked over my shoulder. I cursed inside hoping it wouldn't be Daryl. Or maybe I hoped it was him, for there was some slight disappointment in my breath when T-Dog came to sight. _What is it with ya now 'n' Daryl? Get him off yer head 'n' focus. If ya get caught, you'll be on yer own. Don' expect his help._

"How ye hangin' on man?" T-Dog asked after a while of walking by my side.

"Same as ya, tryin'." I spoke husky as I chopped a long thick branch for the fire. My eyes studied the ground around us before I spoke again. "You 'n' me y'kno'," I said in complicity. I waved my fingers between us and my look darkened. "We gotta stick together."

"Whatever happens," T-Dog's spirit raised for his tone was more cheerful. "It's you 'n' me now." I nodded and gave him a weak smirk. After that, I nonchalantly walked away from him to avoid suspicions.

"'s 'nough," I called T-Dog after about another hour of collecting. "'s head back. We're good." We walked back to the road and I placed the woods on the ground to grab my bag. I picked up the logs again and caught T-Dog staring at me. "Wha'?"

"How d'ya manage to get yer bag still strapped on yer shoulder after all this mess?" He asked curiously.

I chuckled. "If I told ya how long I had nothin' else bu' this bag fer protection, ya'd be surprised I made it this far… It's some extension of my body now." I added the last with sarcasm.

T-Dog shook his head. The vision had gotten very hard since the sky grew darker by the second. "Ya never change."

"Oh ya wouldn' believe how wrong ya are." I muttered low while I accommodated the bandage around my chest with my elbows.

We reached the spot everyone had holed up in and placed the woods to build up the fire. I organized the branches and put some dry leaves in between. I tore up a piece of my already cut sleeve to tie the branches and keep them in place. I was glad it was pitch dark around so no one would get to see my large cut. I pulled out my loyal lighter and burned some debris. The fire grew alive in a matter of seconds. I scoffed sarcastically and stood up. _Years of barbecue are payin' now._

"W– Where are you goin'?" A shy voice cut through my thoughts.

It didn't stop my pace. "I'll be back boy," I looked over my shoulder at Carl and followed his line of sight. I believed I saw his small shoulders relax after he saw my bag neatly rest on a wall with both axes and the crowbar strapped to it. He gave himself a small reassuring nod and I turned my head around again. I walked back to the woods and let the thick branch I kept slid to my hand from my sleeve. I waved it around to help me walk. I had forgotten to take a lantern, again. I tucked my right hand in my pocket and pulled out a small bullet sized object. _Days like this make me wish I was born a guy. Fuck this sucks! _I pulled out a small tissue from my back pocket and wrapped it around the dirty object. I dug up a hole, dropped the thing there and quickly covered it again. The only thing I was glad about was that the pain in my lower belly and back had stopped.

* * *

><p>"I'm keepin' this group together, alive." I raised my eyes to look at Rick for a second, and then looked back to the water bottle in my bag. I spilled some on my hands and washed them. <em>Gross.<em> "I've been doin' that all along, no matter what– I didn' ask fer this." Rick continued to chastise everyone and for the first time I was ready to back him up, since his loyal follower Daryl, remained quiet. "I killed my best friend for ya people for Christ's sake!"

That phrase kept repeating itself in my head creating an endless echo.

"What?" I broke the branch in my grasp which was much too thick for my strength and stood up from my place besides my bag. "Wha' did ya do?" I asked louder and now I caught Rick's and everyone's attention as I took one step closer to them. "You killed Shane?" Another step. "You killed Shane?!"

And it was like I could hear the last string of composure I had left snap.

With some unknown strength I managed to tackle Rick to the ground and drop him about five feet away from the rest of the group. I jumped on him and placed my knees on his forearms to keep him from moving or fighting back. I punched him with both hands, creating more damage on his right cheek. The tears in my eyes blurred my sight and I'd wipe them with my bare right arm while I kept hitting Rick with the other. I yelled at him ballistic while behind me I could hear loud cries. I focused all the darkness in me on each hit. My arms ached from the pain and restlessness but I didn't stop. What to Rick felt like ages, for me felt like mere seconds before someone tackled me to the ground. "Get off of me!" I yelled broken as I abruptly pushed myself away from whomever it was that stopped my beating. "Lemme go!" I shoved the man away and stood up properly. I raised my empty look and saw it was Daryl, and he was pulling Rick up. With a loud howl I ran towards them, ready to attack when Daryl pushed me away again. I lost my balance and fell to the ground but immediately stood back up. I jumped them again but this time Daryl didn't shove me away. Instead he grabbed me by the arms, wrapped them in my back and with his body he pushed me away from the people that ran past us. I snaked in his grasp but there was no way to break it. He was much stronger.

Over Daryl's shoulder I caught a glimpse of the people surrounding Rick. "Lemme go! You weak ass sum bitch get away from me!" I managed to break one arm free and with that I pushed myself away from him. Daryl stood still in his place and I did too, about two feet away from him. We both stared at each other. I fumed. My face showed utter disgust. I could only catch half of his unreadable face from the flames besides us. "Look at ya," I pointed at him with my chin and spat near his shoes. "Helpin' the man that left yer brother fer dead! Y'are nothin' but a traitor!" I barked at him. I wiped the sweat– or tears from my face, which proved to be my ruin. I hit Daryl where it hurt him most. He let out a loud cry and I quickly looked back at him but it was too late. The same way I attacked Rick, Daryl attacked me. He tackled me to the ground and placed his knees on my forearms. I took the beating. My eyes traveled to his left knee, which rested over my now bleeding right arm.

Some minutes later someone pulled him off of me and then I saw a stretched hand. I hesitated for a moment while my vision focused again. It was T-Dog. I took his left arm and pulled myself up. My eyes traveled around camp. They all looked at me apprehensively and I felt like a wet cat. I walked away from the group without a word and made my way to the road. The second my foot touched the asphalt I broke down.

* * *

><p>After what happened at the farm, and after I unloaded all my rage on Rick and some on Daryl the night before, I started to think more clearly. I realized that I wouldn't survive any longer on my own, it didn't matter how skillful I was or how well prepared my gear was. It was never enough, and never would be. I was lost in the middle of the woods. My weapons would do nothing against a herd and the supplies I had in my bag wouldn't last that long. And like that, all the pieces fell into place. <em>Ya have ta grow up, Kat.<em> "Heads up!" I called loudly.

"Mornin'…" I heard some weak mutters around the burning ashes. Slowly they all woke up and gathered around whatever belongings I collected from the cars. Not much.

I looked at the sleepy people around and my eyes focused on Rick. I would make no apologies for how I chose to repair myself. No matter what, I would always be and feel like the outcast of the group.

The girl that accepted the risk of leaving a safe place to gather food for her people. The lone woman that had to put down her entire family before they turned. The girl that always felt too much, the one that felt compassion even for a murderer. The girl that took the guilt of the world upon her shoulders. The one that had to learn the hard way that not everyone is a good person. The one that sheltered with women, kids and honorable men only to be raped and damaged beyond repair. The girl that was forced to change everything in her, even her gender in order to survive, only to get lost within herself.

The guy that saved the exiled.

"C'mon people huddle up!" I walked from end to end over the wall I stood in. Loud grunts and complaints were made as I rushed everyone. My eyes followed Rick, and only him as he made his way through the crowd towards me. I watched as his eyes moved from side to side like he was in deep thought. "Found a stream or somethin' over there," I pointed to my right. "We can go and wash off there, gather sum water and go find sum fuel."

"What are ya doin'?" Rick spat annoyed. "Huh? What are ya tryin' ta do?"

"Makin' that shot worth it." I blurted out reassuringly.


	28. Chapter 28: Mistake

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 28: MISTAKE**

Even though my reply stated loyalty, I was nowhere near close to it. If I wouldn't be able to survive on my own, then I would use those around me to do it. To me, the ends did justify the means. And I felt no shame on it.

"What're ye playin' at?" Rick kept pushing. His hands immediately went to his waists as he waited for an answer. I let out a small snort and shook my head.

I jumped off the wall and grabbed my bag. Without looking back to anyone, except for a quick eye contact with T-Dog, I walked away from the ruins we camped in last night and made my way to the road. After a few seconds T-Dog joined me. And like that, more steps were heard as they followed me.

We walked in silence, like one unit right in the middle of the street. No one was allowed to walk away from the main group for security. Even if it was broad daylight. Most people were unarmed, having used all the ammo left in the farm incident. I faked a glance at T-Dog and looked over my shoulder instead. I saw Beth right behind me with Hershel and Maggie at either side of her, Glenn right next to Maggie. Behind the Green family were the Grimes, and from what I managed to see, Lori was holding down Carl as Rick walked a few feet apart from them. Taking the rear, were Daryl and Carol.

While we walked, I felt a constant nagging inside. I bit my nails nervously and ran my hands through my short hair constantly. T-Dog might have noticed the uneasiness for he cleared his throat when I was all too obvious. I wanted to believe it was due to the fact that I had to wash and change myself in front of everyone, but I knew it wasn't that. I let out an exasperated breath and sped up a bit to get to the stream sooner.

Turns out, it wasn't a stream. It was a lake. The moment we arrived some gasps escaped. I smirked, "Help yerselves." I added as I walked away from them towards a small bush next to the lake. I placed my bag and raised my eyes to check on the others. They all stood a few feet away from each other. Slowly they washed the grime of their arms and faces. The place wasn't all too private to strip off, but I plucked up the courage to remove my corsé behind the bushes and with my back turned to everyone, I jumped in the water with my pants still on. The lake was neither deep, nor freezing cold. The water reached to my shoulders and its coolness made every muscle that ached calm down. I tried to close my eyes to relax even more, but just like last night, the flashes of past events wouldn't let me.

I cleaned myself while lost in thought. I couldn't push the Daryl problem any further than I tried this morning. I repeated the words I said to him last night and I chuckled at my wit. I felt it was perfect, but I still couldn't understand why the fact that he wouldn't even look at me was eating me from inside. I submerged in the water and tried to forget everything. Walkers. Jimmy. His hand squeezing mine. I accidentally swallowed water and choked. Andrea. Shane. Blood. I pulled at my hair in anger. With a desperate gasp my head popped out of the water and I breathed as if I hadn't in ages.

Once everyone was satisfied with the cleansing, we gathered around and walked back to the cars. Without a word I slowed my pace whilst I pulled the map from my backpack. No one walked past me; instead they all slowed down too. I rolled my eyes. What I tried to make it a casual act turned out to be an event for everyone to look at. I approached Rick and without a word, placed the map on his hands and turned around again.

"You pulled 'im away didn' cha?" I muttered to T-Dog when I caught up with him again. "Daryl… Las' night."

"You 'n' me…" he whispered back and the corner of my mouth lift up in a smile.

"Whatever happens." I finished.

After that little exchange the walk back to the vehicles seemed shorter. I recalled I pulled out all the useful things I found in the cars to sort them out and see what else we needed. We needed everything. Rick, Daryl, Maggie and Glenn huddled around the spread map atop Hershel's truck. They murmured cautiously while everyone looked at them.

"The gas station I talked 'bout 's not too far. Glenn 'n' I can go and get back 'ere in no more than half 'n hour." Maggie stated as she pin pointed the map with her finger.

"What if it's empty?" Glenn added worried. "Is there 'nother one close? What 'bout a town maybe we ca–"

"No," Rick cut Glenn off. "Just get the fuel. We'll search for a town together."

"There's no poin' in makin' a double trip to pick us up." Daryl leaned closer to the truck. "Gotta save the fuel."

I abruptly stood up from the rock I sat in, causing some distraction amongst the people in the meeting but I remembered something. _Lori. Pregnant. Baby._ I walked to a hidden corner in the ruins and pulled out the pregnancy pills I collected back in the farm. I also rummaged inside another pocket and pulled out a granola bar. I nonchalantly turned around and searched for Lori. I sighed and shook my head at the irony of it all. _Look at ya Kat, all motherly._ I caught Carl looking at me intently and I raised a brow at him. My eyes flicked towards his mother and back to him. The boy understood. _Gotta give the kid sum credit. Not so dumb after all._ Lori looked at me and I gave an imperceptible nod. She stood without gathering attention and approached me.

"Here," I showed her the pills and the bar. "Dunno if… You're keepin' it– the baby." I shrugged. "But– I collected this jus' in case. Foun' 'em in yer tent when ya wen' missin'." I thought I crossed a line when she didn't react. I raised my eyes to look at her and saw hers were full of tears. I squinted and took a step back in apprehension. "'m sorry if this is inappropriate. I just guessed–"

"No. No don't worry," she tried to talk while she covered her mouth with her hand swallowing a cry. "It's just… I made a mistake; this– this baby is a mistake… And I hate myself for thinking like that." She quietly sobbed.

When she mentioned the baby was a mistake something in me stirred. I was a mistake, and I lived my entire life proving everyone I was worth it. I would do it unconsciously. My own mother would confirm I was an accident, but I still made her so proud. Nonetheless, even the thought of the fact that you weren't wanted, is a burden. I looked down to my feet and sniffed. I noticed Lori tensed up and I raised my shimmering eyes to her.

"You– you…" She had a hard time trying to organize her sentence and I didn't rush her. She still didn't guess on which end of the story I was positioned. I was a man in her eyes after all.

I shook my head. "Still didn't guess right," I tried to lighten the mood. She smiled sadly. "I was that kind of baby. My sisters– well, half-sisters were so much younger than me. My father never wanted me. And my step-father, though he raised me like his own, he still resented me. I was the constant reminder that my mom picked another guy first. It wouldn't help either that I am the spitting image of my birth father… I don't wish this to anyone. It's hard living like that y'kno'."

Lori nodded. "R– Rick doesn't talk to me. He won't even look at me– I– I overreacted when he told me about Shane," My jaw instantly clenched and whatever tears clouded my eyes were gone. "I don't want this baby to be resented as much as I don't want it to live a life like this. In a world like this one." Her voice cracked with despair.

I didn't know what to do, so I offered the pills and the bar again. "I'll help ya. Jus' don' tell anyone… Anything."

* * *

><p>"I hear 'n engine." I warned.<p>

"How tha hell d'ya manage to hear…" T-Dog whispered besides me when he suddenly stopped. "Never mind, hear it too."

I looked down to the ruins below and made a head count. "C'mon do it." I said to T-Dog. He whistled and everyone looked up at us. I watched from the corner of my eye as T-Dog mouthed 'car' and everyone scattered around vanishing every hint of a campsite. T-Dog and I hid between the leaves of the trees we were perched in and waited. It was planned that only Glenn and Maggie would leave in Shane's car, everyone else would remain hidden– even Hershel's truck– and a landmark would be placed on the street to mark the campsite. So if by any chance the car got stolen or if Glenn and Maggie were taken hostages, it would drive by. If any of both situations occurred and the car drove past the landmark, Daryl would shoot an arrow to the tires and we'd make an ambush.

We all patiently hid as the green Hyundai made its apparition. It drove at cruise speed to economize the fuel. As it got closer I looked at T-Dog, his shoulders stiffened and his chest rose but didn't drop. Neither did mine. Everyone remained dead quiet until the car came to a full stop. Right on the landmark.

T-Dog let out a loud whistle and chuckled as he looked at me. I smirked at him and we climbed down. Just when my feet touched the ground Beth almost pounced over me as she ran towards Maggie.

"It's not much but it's 'nough to get us ta the next town." Maggie explained as she hugged her father.

Glenn raised two big flasks with some work, "It's all that's left… Hope we can get more."

I looked up to the sky, guessing by the amount of fuel in those flasks I believed the next town wouldn't be that far. I only hoped we could manage some daylight to settle ourselves in properly. "Gotta move now."

Whatever remark I made caused apprehension among everyone. I was like a ticking time bomb. So I kept mostly to myself and only addressed to T-Dog in front of everyone. Any plan or any movement that needed to be done I'd do it, without waiting for the others. The only thing that angered me was that even though I kept out of their way most of the time, and only talked when strictly necessary, my behavior still managed to annoy Carol. I was getting tired of the remarks under her breath and snide comments of 'Just like Merle used to'. My jaw would clench and my hands would ball into fists every time she spoke, for her comments were never useful.

"Are there still many of 'em?" I spoke hoarsely looking out the window of Shane's car.

"Yeah…" Maggie answered after a while. "Not as many as there were in the farm. But frighteningly close.

"How're there so many?" Beth reasoned. "These towns're in the middle of nowhere… Where do all those things come from?"

"Think they're migrating or somethin'… Food must be getting scarce," Glenn said.

"Then I guess it'll be hard ta stay put in one place," I added while I bit my thumb. My eyes never left the window. "We'll need ta gather more supplies if we're gon' stay on the run."

"Let's just not think like that yet." Hershel interjected and all conversation ended there.

We arrived to a small nameless town. It looked typically western, but it had some modern shops too. Glenn parked the car and I finally looked away from the window just as Maggie folded the map. I opened the door and pulled out both axes from my bag and immediately handed one to T-Dog, who approached for the other vehicle. I also grabbed the remaining throwing knives and tucked them in my waist.

My first stop was the pharmacy, as I figured out the others wouldn't feel the need to stop there first. I stocked up on tampons and pills which I was running low on. I didn't look at the names; instead I'd open the meds compartment in my bag and throw everything inside. I walked towards the baby section. I grabbed some clothing and diapers when some rustling made me look up. I half smiled at the sight of Lori; I would've actually stayed and helped her along if she wasn't with Carol. I handed her the diapers and made my way out.

Next I stepped inside a petty weapon store that looked completely out of place. My steps faltered when I saw Daryl inside sorting out arrows. I felt a rush of nerves and swallowed hard. He seemed not to have noticed me and I was glad for it. Not that it would've been any different if he acknowledged my presence. I strolled around the handguns without even looking at them. _He never got the chance to teach me._ I stopped in the knife section, the throwing knives proved to come in very handy. All I had to do was work on my arm's strength.

I was checking out one in particular that caught my attention when I heard a distant moan. I instantly looked at Daryl but he remained unmoved. I stood frozen in place as I focused on locating the origin of the sound. For one second I thought I must have imagined it but when I looked back at Daryl I saw it had snuck up on him. The walker quiet as ever. My breath got caught and without thinking twice I threw the knife in my hand towards the walker.

Just when Daryl turned to look at me.


	29. Chapter 29: Left Behind

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 29: LEFT BEHIND**

For the first time since he gave me the beating of a lifetime Daryl and I looked at each other in the eyes. In panic mine flickered to the knife flying horizontally in his direction, then back into his blue orbs. The time seemed to slow down to a heartbeat and the knife's travel was endless. I saw Daryl open his eyes wide and I prayed he had good reflexes. He did. He took one step to the side just as the knife got embedded in the walker's left temple.

I jumped startled when the walker's limp body knocked the shelves and its contents down with violence. I was surprised at myself when I noticed I was also panting. My gaze flew to Daryl again and I caught him looking to the walker and then to me. His mouth flew open and closed so quickly that I thought I imagined it. In haste I left the store.

_What would ya say ta 'im?_

My backpack made enough noise while I ran that it would've suppressed any footsteps following me, if there were to be any.

_What would ya 'xpect? _

I entered the store across the street without even looking at the sign. It was a fishing store by the contents of it. I walked towards the farthest aisle and dropped my bag. I tucked my hand inside and pulled out a mint-flavored gum. I breathed in deeply while I chewed it. Visibly less altered I pulled out my water bottle and cramp pills. I stood up and looked at the store. In times like these actually anything came in handy. I grabbed a fishing net, a hat and two multi-pocketed vests.

By the time I exited the fishing shop the sky had gotten darker. The street lamps came to life and that seemed to be the cue, for everyone else returned to the cars automatically. I dropped the things I gathered in the fishing shop inside Shane's car, and turned to listen to the people without looking up.

"How many?" Rick started as I heard him shift in his place.

"Two—"

"None—"

"None—"

"One—"

And like that, without specifications or clarifications everyone cited how many walkers they'd seen and killed. I remained quiet as usual and smirked darkly as I waited for Daryl to finish.

"One—"

"Ok," Rick drawled huskily. "Foun' a room in that bar over there. Carl 'n' I didn' encounter any. So I guess we can drive the cars and hide 'em behind the place jus' in case…" I finally looked up and searched for the bar with my eyes. "Hope we can all fit inside... Hope it's warm 'nough." He sounded defeated.

I pushed myself away from the car and walked slowly towards 'Mitch's Finest'. From the corner of my eye I saw Rick pass by, gun in hand. His son besides him with my gun. _Seems Daryl never got it back._ I snorted and looked to the side as Shane's car and Hershel's truck drove to the other side of the wooden edification up front. I detoured and headed to the back instead. Thought wise to check the back exit in case we faced some problems. _Clear._ The door worked, the lock did too, and there was enough light. T-Dog and Glenn followed me inside through the back door after parking and we met Rick's gun barrel.

I smirked at him, "I still ain' dead." I caught some recognition flash through Rick's eyes at my defense but he still hesitated to drop the gun. _Jus' like las' time._

They all climbed to the second floor and I shook my head at their naïveté. I walked to the front door and locked it, same for the back door. As I walked back to the stairs I saw a shadow standing at the base of them. Even in complete darkness his roughness identified him. _What should I 'xpect from someone that has 'is suspicions on me? Had he all figured out what I am?_ I bit the inside of my cheek nervously as the silence extended. I raised a palm and ran it over my bruised face. A twisted smile appeared on my face as my finger traced the large bruise on my left temple. _Got a big assed bruise jus' like yerself after all brother._

"D– Daryl?" a concerned voice broke the tension. "Are you downstairs?"

"G'ahead," I addressed to him for the first time since yesterday. I tilted my head towards the voice upstairs. A small breath, resembling a died-out chuckle, escaped my mouth at the sound of my voice. Broken and hoarse. "Yer people need ya."

"Dar– Daryl?"

"They're yer people too." He replied as he raised a palm to the person that called him again.

I shook my head even if he wouldn't see it in the darkness. "Naw," I pointed at the people upstairs with my chin. "From them lot… Only one," I sounded spiteful. I tucked my hand in a front pocket and squeezed the silver lighter inside. "The rest… They go' left behind..." I paused, "Jus' like yer brother." And with that I turned away from him and merged myself in the darkness. Some minutes later I heard his footsteps fade as he climbed up the stairs.

_Fuck._ It frustrated me how much I needed someone with me right now. But it frustrated me more that I didn't know if what I really wanted was to feel, or not feel at all. I clasped my hands and pulled them close to my mouth as I suppressed a scream. If times were different, I would've run. Far. Away from everything and everyone. _That's what yer good at._

After about half an hour of sulking on my own, and another half spent strolling around, I decided to climb upstairs. Quietly I pushed the door ajar and saw a large room with completely wooden walls, it had no windows and the only lights were candle like. Whatever few belongings everyone could save or gather, was used as base. My eyes travelled around the barely lit room and when I noticed the only available spot was next to Daryl, it suddenly shrunk considerably. I found T-Dog next to Carl, who was next to Lori. Underneath her I noticed the kangaroo jacket I gave T-Dog from my trip to the highway. Across the room was Hershel, between Beth and Maggie, covered by a tablecloth they'd probably found downstairs. Maggie rested her head on Glenn's chest as he tucked an arm over his head. Some feet away from them Rick stood as he gave a once over around the room.

* * *

><p>"Hey," T-Dog's voice broke my train of thoughts. I caught myself staring at a dusty bottle of scotch. "Thought ye didn' drink." He commented sarcastically.<p>

"'cause I don't." I reiterated. "Jus' went… far away." I added as I turned to him and tucked my hands in my pocket. "Where ya headin' today?"

"Clothing… I left all my stuff back there," he shrugged. "You? Man… Hey, hey, Matt."

"Yeah, yeah… Sorry," I raised a palm to him. "Drifted off 'gain. 'm headin' ta the weapon store. Need knives…"

"Sure ye don' wan' me ta teach ye how ta use a handgun?" T-Dog cocked his head to the side as he sat beside me. He took hold of the bottle and checked it. "Didn' 'xpect ta find a top class scotch in this place after all. Wha' happened?"

I looked down and away from him. If I hadn't been naïve enough to go to the woods and search for the ghost of a little girl, I would have stayed by the farm and get Shane to finally teach me how to use a handgun. I shook my head and felt even stupider. "Naw… Can manage maself pretty fine with what I have." I drawled to him the same way I did to Rick that day.

"Mhm… 'n' this?" I knew he meant the scotch.

"I grabbed it 'cause…" I raised my clouded gaze to look at T-Dog right in the eyes. "I wanna know wha' it's like ta ferget… To– to not feel anything. 'm sick of it." My hands balled into fists. "Jus' wan'ed ta know if that could 'elp." I spoke disgusted. Immediately I stood up and grabbed the axe settled at the foot of the seat as I headed to the door. "Get me sum underwear buddy… 'm runnin' low on 'em." I spoke over my shoulder and chuckled at T-Dog's laugh.

I looked around the small town and couldn't help but think of just how lucky we suddenly were that we could find an abandoned and barely touched place. The only problem was how long it would last. On my way to the weapon store I killed two stragglers, so it meant that our scent had reached them and it was just a matter of time. I entered 'Ernie's precious' and immediately went to the knife department without checking around.

_Wrong._

The stench instantly filled my nose and went all the way to my brain so that it would get imprinted forever. I turned around just in time to catch the walker's stretched hands. "Shit, shit." The walker pushed and I felt a cold chill course my body at the pressure of the pointy blades on my back through my shirt. It opened its disgusting mouth to take a bite and I almost puked all over it. I was suddenly glad my stomach was still empty. Quickly I raised my left foot and kicked at its shin, I kicked it continuously until the rotten bones inside broke. The walker lost its balance and on his way down he brought me with him. "Holy crap!" We both fell to the floor; my left shoulder absorbed all the weight again. I squeezed my eyes in pain and rage took over. I breathed hard and tightened my jaw. _If I j– just could…_ I shifted on the ground a bit with difficulty trying to free the axe under my left thigh. I stretched our clasped hands and cursed when I noticed its arms were longer than mine. Thought I'd try to dislocate its shoulder so I'd buy some time to shift around. With the effort of the world I raised my right leg and pushed the walker away from the hips with my knee. It worked. I let out three quick breaths and pulled the geek's arm with violence. Nothing. I pushed it farther and pulled again. Nothing. "Come on! Fuck!" I yelled pissed off.

_But Kat… What you wan'ed was ta ferget. Yer sick o' feelin, of rememberin'. Right? Why the habit of survivin' then? It's so easy to let go... Try it. Ye ain' gon' feel a thing, don' feel any more pain. Ya ain' gon' worry no more._

In spite of how tempting the proposal was I shook my head. "No. I promised 'em," I fought against my own mind. Thing I caught myself doing more often than I'd be proud of. I kept repeating the same action as I rambled on my own. "Las' thing I need is findin' ma people 'n' Shane 'n' Andrea 'n' Jimmy, 'n' all the past others in the fuckin' afterlife. 'n' get 'em ta hit me fer givin' up_–_"

- Crack -

"UUUUUGH! UUUUGH! Fuckin' shit! UUUGH!" My gag reflex slowed any action I tried to do. After all the pulling I not only managed to dislocate the walker's left shoulder, but tore it off completely getting myself soaked in whatever disgusting and rotten content the body still had. I curled my right arm behind my back while I still pushed the walker with my knee. I managed to free the axe from my own body weight and placed the sharp end on the walker's throat. "Fuckin' weak arm. Can't even push ta save my life." I moved our clasped hands to the axe and with all the force I could manage I pushed. "C– C'mon!"

With a loud thud I finally chopped off the walker's head. I let out an exhausted breath and crawled away from it. I rested my head on another aisle and tried to recover. My eyes opened and closed weakly, the lack of sleep was getting to me.

"Matt? Matt?" I heard a distant soft voice. "Dad! Dad! It's Matt!" I felt a pair of tiny hands shake my shoulders. I groaned at the pain on my left.

"'m fine boy…" I weakly opened my eyes and saw his light blue full of concern. "Jus' tired." My eyes closed again. I apparently couldn't keep my eyes open and move at the same time.

"You bit?" Came Rick's sharp voice. "What happened?"

"See i' fer yerself," I pushed myself up and pointed at the walker some feet to my side. A strong hand grabbed my jaw and my eyes flew open, wide. Rick must have seen some fear in my eyes for his grip softened a bit, but not completely. His gaze travelled from my dirty face all the way down to my dirty green Chuck Taylor sneakers. He moved my head to the side by the jaw with very indelicate force. "Tore its arm off, got all the grime over me. Ain' bit."

He dropped his arm and nodded. "Ok, we're gonna empty this shop. Take everything we can to the bar. Make a strong base there." He turned away from me and I looked at Carl. He bit his lip and followed after his father rather reluctantly. I walked back to the knife section and grabbed all the knives I could possibly carry.

"How many?" I asked this time as Rick, Carl and I made our way to the bar. Each held a basket full of handguns, ammo, knives, rifles, shotguns, silencers. Everything.

"Four," Rick replied after a while. "We used our guns; it's likely we'll get more 'cause of the sound."

"Hhmm… Should only leave ou' the necessary. Ain' no need to keep all the guns out if only a few can use 'em." I let out a smirk when Rick's steps faltered and he no longer walked besides me. I turned to look at him. His jaw tightened and he nodded stiffly.

* * *

><p>"Hate canned food," I commented while I shoved a spoonful of soup into my mouth. "It's disgustin'…"<p>

"Mmhmm…" T-Dog replied as he swallowed his baked beans. "Has no taste. But it is what it is."

"Comforting… Maybe after another two weeks of this shit you'll turn into a fuckin' gigantic bean." I added sarcastically while I tried to catch Lori's eyes.

"Two 'eeks 'ready?" he spoke over a mouthful. I nodded. Eighteen days had passed since the farm incident and fifteen since we found this small town. At the minimum hint of daylight the men and I including Carl, except Hershel would go out and eliminate any stragglers from the night. And the second the last glimpse of sun was gone, everyone would leave whatever activity they were doing at the moment and run back to the bar. _Safer._


	30. Chapter 30: Thirteen Days

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 30: THIRTEEN DAYS**

"Can't believe two weeks already passed…" T-Dog added after he swallowed. "You've been countin'?"

I nodded without looking at him. My eyes kept focused on Lori but she wouldn't turn to look at me, not with so many people around. I followed her line of sight and saw she was looking at Rick longingly. I looked at Rick and smirked at the trouble he had trying to remain oblivious to her stare. My eyes kept traveling around the room as I shivered. The temperature at night dropped a few degrees more everyday. I caressed my barely covered arms until I caught Daryl looking at me. He stood across the room, engaged in a whispered conversation with Rick and Hershel. I abruptly stopped the action and looked down to my boot covered feet.

"Have ya eaten?" I asked some seconds later while I placed the empty can on the floor. No reply. "Have ya?" I repeated and shot one quick look at Rick again.

When Rick shifted in his place, the reply came, "Yeah, yeah…" The boy said discretely. I looked at him from the corner of my eyes and noticed his eyes too were focused on his father.

"Gimme…" I stretched my hand and he placed the empty can in it. I reached T-Dog's and grabbed mine too. I stood up and immediately felt all eyes on me as I made my way to the door. All the way across the room. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves as the loud, sound full steps tormented my mind. I stopped by Beth and picked up her can. She gave me a small smile and cuddled next to her sister.

I left the room and dropped the cans in the trash bin nearby. I walked to the bathroom to wash my face. Eighteen days had passed since the last time I saw them. And not a single day went by that I didn't remember them or I needed them by my side. So many things would've been different in the short time we'd been in this place if they were still alive. I walked into the next room, where all the food and medicine were kept. I approached the window and looked down to the cars. Both parked in the same spot they were fifteen days ago.

My feet took me to the room I went to every night, to be on my own for while, it had lockers, shelves and a well set desk full of paperwork in it. It was the only room upstairs with a window that faced the town. First I looked at all the walkers stumbling, crawling, and moaning down the street. I looked some yards ahead and saw the burnt down stores. I shook my head. I knew that if we had had more manpower we could have saved it. I raised my hands and made a gun with my fingers. "Pow, pow, pow… Pow, pow, pow… Pow." I shot at the walkers, and then dropped my hands again.

The room suddenly felt hot; like it always did since the first time I started to come by. Every night. No exception. Automatically I grabbed the hem of my long-sleeved shirt and removed it. This left me standing in a tight tank top that barely covered the bandage around my chest. I placed the shirt on the desk and ran a hand through my hair. I pulled it and grumbled at its length. _Time for a haircut buddy._ It could have easily waited until morning, but out of pure habit and mania I had to do it in that very moment. So I took out my knife.

No matter how many times I'd already done it. It always got to me. It brought back so many painful memories. I quietly wept every time. I'd let the tears stream through my face without any regret as I watched my hair fall. Once done I tucked the knife back in my waist and wiped my face with my hands.

"Ya here," A hoarse voice left the remark hang for some seconds, "Again…"

I visibly tensed. The very common– as of these days- rush of nerves coursed through my body. I squeezed my eyes but didn't turn around. I swallowed hard. "How long?" It irked me to no end that I didn't hear his footsteps in the deadly silence the surrounded us.

"Thirteen days… Countin' this one." He added almost casually.

My breath got caught at his reply and my mouth went dry. _You've been countin' too Kat. 'n' his answer is correct._ Unconsciously I looked at my chest. _Maybe– Maybe it ain' so revealin' against the moonlight… Maybe he can't see it._ I slowly stretched my hand to grab the shirt on my right even though I was still sweating._ But he's been standin' in the same place thirteen times, Kat. He ain't stupid._ "What d'ya want?" I replied in the same husky voice as his. Eventually the time would've come to tell everyone who I really was. I just dreaded their reaction more than I would've ever imagined.

"What happened?"

I frowned while I put on my shirt again before I turned to face him. Hoping like a fool for that slim chance that he didn't see the bandage. In thirteen times. I hissed at the pain on my left shoulder. The activities we did every morning kept it from healing completely. _Why would he talk this time? What makes it different from all the others he stood there in the darkness?_

"Yer arm…"

"Jimmy happened, 'n' then you… Happened," I answered spiteful as I turned to him. "'n' it can't heal 'cause of 'em." I pointed to the window behind. The large cut that traveled from my right elbow to my wrist was still red, bruised and ugly as the first day. "What d'ya want?" I repeated with harshness. "Finally plucked up the courage ta thank–"

"Who are ya?"

_Oh no._

- Hitting glass –

Apparently I had forgotten how to breathe because after the small sound of the wind making some glasses touch each other, I exhaled deeply. Normally I would have ignored it since I heard it every night– for thirteen days– but the sound of glass shattering that came in next made me realize that it wasn't the wind this time. I opened my eyes wide, "Take of yer shoes," I ordered, took off my boots to make the point and ran towards the door as if the tall figure leaning against it didn't exist. Just when I slid past him I felt the heat radiating from him.

I took hold of the railing and looked to my left. Daryl was just removing his left shoe. I jumped on the railing and slid all the way down to the bar, knife in hand. My eyes scanned the room lit only by the moonlight through the windows. I noticed the loud moans to my right where the tables were set. I carefully leaned against the wall that marked the beginning of our breakfast room. The chilling weather made it's presence in my body again. I looked back and saw Daryl close behind me. I raised a hand and pointed the next room. I popped my head and saw them.

A small object could barely be seen flying around the room, screeching. The walkers were jammed upon the broken window trying to reach it.

"Must be a bat," I said over my shoulder. The moaning increased and we made our move. Quietly we approached the window and embedded our knives in their heads. The amount of eliminated bodies only added weight to the wooden wall. And it didn't help that there were more bodies approaching. "There're too many, wall ain' gon' hang long." I said to him just when the glass window to our right broke too. "Look out!" I spoke too loud when I pulled Daryl back by his leather jacket. A walker almost took hold of his armed hand. _Twice, Kat._

It only made matters worse. Besides catching our scent, the walkers now heard us– me. Loud footsteps by the stairs caught my attention and I took some steps back to look… At Rick. Our eyes met and he immediately ran to our aid. He approached the newly broken window and killed. I was growing tired and my shoulder screamed in pain. But the walkers never decreased, in fact, it only seemed they duplicated with every kill. The wall creaked; it was giving out to the weight.

"What's happ– Oh my God." I heard Glenn exclaim.

"Push that table!" Rick ordered over his shoulder. I walked away from Daryl and made my way to the closest table.

"Turn it, turn it…" I said to Glenn and we pushed the table by its base towards the window. I whistled to Daryl and he left his place and grabbed the table from my hands. I pulled two chairs and placed them by the window so they could set the table and block it. We did the same for the other one and we pushed. The walkers were restless. And then it clicked. I ran away from them in haste.

"Matt!"

"Matt come back we–"

I ignored their claims and ran upstairs to the office room I came from. I desperately opened one of the drawers and found what I was looking for, a flare gun. _Always be prepared._ I quickly opened the window and looked at the roof. _Come on Kat, ya've climbed yer way into yer house a few times…_ I let out three quick breaths and climbed out. "Come on, come on." I clung to the wooden tiles of the bar for life. "Come on, come on." I breathed in deeply and jumped. My knees bumped the upper window and my fingers grazed the rooftop. It wasn't enough.

A freefall.

My chin hit the windowsill and I barely managed to cling to it. "Ow shit." I spit blood. With all my strength I managed to climb back into the room. Out of pure rage I broke the window completely. "Fuck it all." I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and tried again. This time I took hold of the rooftop and by arm strength pulled me up. I looked down and gasped. The scene closely resembled the farm. The walkers were all clustered to the broken windows and more were struggling their way to it.

"Lucky all these southern shops are connected." I talked to myself while I jumped from rooftop to rooftop far away from the bar. I stopped over the coffee shop and put my little fingers in my mouth and let out a loud whistle. "Hey! Hey you fuckin' rottin' bodies!" I called their attention; slowly they shambled and crawled away from the bar towards me. Once all of them were away from the bar I pointed the flare gun farther away. "Dumb fucks." I chuckled when the walkers all followed the red sparkle to the woods away from the town.

I breathed in deeply when I climbed back inside the office room in the bar, exhausted. I dragged my feet and collected my boots. I entered the bathroom and let the cold water run down my nape. Ignoring Daryl's shoes on the floor in front of me, I walked across the aisle to the sleeping room. The floor downstairs creaked and I did my best to remain oblivious to it. I could swear to my dead family that they were standing down there looking at me. And without even a sideways glance I entered the room and dropped myself on the floor next to T-Dog.

* * *

><p>"Lost count?" I saw T-Dog smirk snidely besides me while we grabbed a dead body by its extremities.<p>

"Yup," I said nonchalantly. "But there're definitely more than last time… Even after last night." I added with a hint of worry.

"Thought the weather was gon' make 'em slow down or somethin'…" He let out an exasperated breath as we dropped the body on the pile. "D'ya think snow would have some effect?"

"Hope so… But if we get snow… Then this shitty bar ain' gon' work for us. We'll prolly freeze ta death." I wiped the sweat on my forehead with the back of my hand. My shoulder screamed at the action and I hissed.

"It ain' getting' better buddy," I felt concern in his voice. "You'll have to put a bandage 'roun' it… Think Carol found a sling some days ago– I can ask her for it…" He quickly added after the look I gave him. I snorted and he laughed.

"It's fine… Thing is, I can't afford a sling," We dropped another body. "How 'm I supposed to defend maself if I'm wearin' that shit." T-Dog shrugged.

"Painkillers?" He insisted after some minutes.

"No," I added a bit too harsh. "Can't waste 'em." T-Dog made no further comment. At that moment I looked around the small town. I saw Rick and Daryl making another pile and Glenn and Maggie making another. Each pile was scarily large for one night only.

"Told you… They're migratin'." I heard Glenn explain impatient as we approached the rest of the group.

"We'll have to build walls 'roun' eventually; we can't keep holing in that tiny room as soon as the sun comes down… There'll come a time when all we do is makin' piles and burnin' them. It's takin' us longer ever day." Maggie said.

Rick's face turned darkly and everyone hushed. He evidently grew tired of the complaints in the group.

"It's too wide, Maggie," I interjected. "There's no base to build strong walls… We'll have to leave this place eventually."

"B– But we can't–"

"This place is safe–"

"W– We have everything here–"

I shot a dead look at everyone. "Seriously? D'y'all seriously want me ta answer?" I shifted in my place, "'cause 'm tellin' ya… It ain' gon' be nice." No answer. "We gotta learn, all of us, how ta use a handgun, shotgun, snipers, knives… Everythin'," I looked at Rick and then at T-Dog, "I'm ready."

_I'm sorry brother._


	31. Chapter 31: Pity

_Italics: OC's thoughts_

**CHAPTER 31: PITY**

_I'm sorry brother._

_Wait._

I didn't realize the weight of what I said to Rick and T-Dog until it left my mouth. And I instantly regretted it. _I should wait longer. I ain' ready._ I snorted at my stupidity then lowered my head and watched as my feet kicked some dirt in visible discomfort. _Who're ya tryin' to prove yerself to, Kat? _Without looking back up at the rest of the people, I turned around and made my way to the bar. Fists tightly clenched.

Once inside the bar I remembered that I couldn't catch Lori's eyes the night before, I took a quick look over my shoulder and around the tables for her. Nowhere to be seen. So I walked on straight for the stairs.

"Matt, son," I cursed inside and turned around to face Hershel. "Are you ok?"

I nodded. I saw his blue eyes travel down from my brown ones to my arms. And it was then that I noticed I was holding my left arm close to my body.

Hershel squinted, "Holding that arm pretty still, are y–"

"'s fine," I drawled a bit nasty and turned away from him. The second I gave my back to him I pressed my left arm even closer. Atop the stairs I shot one quick glance over my shoulder and caught Hershel still down there. As to prove my point I let go of my arm and let it drop limply to my side. I cocked a sarcastic eyebrow at him and entered the room.

"Oomph," I ran straight into someone, I quickly looked up and saw Lori standing clumsily. "Sorry, my bad," I scratched the back of my head sheepishly.

"Forgive me, I was just going to pick some food," She explained to me. Thing I caught her doing more often. I shrugged at it and walked past her.

"Wait," I said as I opened one of my bag's compartments. I heard her footsteps almost leave the room and then they made their way towards me. "One everyday, r'member?" I showed her the pill and passed her a bottle of water. She nodded and swallowed. "C'mon, gotta go now," I titled my head to the door. We've been doing the same thing, the same routine between the both of us for two weeks. And only Carl knew.

Whenever the pill time came, and if I was away from Lori, or if there were too many people around us, Carl would look for me or he will leave the room– and I'll follow him a few minutes later. We would never speak, not directly to each other in front of the rest, but with a wiggling eyebrow or an imperceptible nod everything was said.

When the door clicked close I sighed loudly. I pulled out a bottle pill from my bag and stared at it. Its name already gave me nightmares. _Vicodin._ I bit my lip while an ocean of thoughts passed through my head. Vicodin created a strong addiction, and even stronger withdrawal. I pictured myself on the run, with psychological pain having Vicodin every few hours. And then, just one day I'd run out of them. The picture then turned to me tied up on a tree having crazed spasms and nonexistent pain with an ocean of moaning walkers crowding below.

I tucked the pill back inside the bag and practically ran away from the room. I took one step and popped my head to check downstairs. _Clear._ I quickly crossed the hall and entered the office. I'd never entered it in broad daylight so it felt a little weird when I spotted a small picture hung on the wall besides the desk. I swiftly approached it and bit my lip at the sight of the grinning family of five. If one simply overlooked the picture, they'd believe it's the common happy family. But if one looked closer, they'd notice the eldest son stand a step away from the father and the rest of the family, but somehow close to the mother; one could notice the smallest child stand in front of the father and the other kid before the mother. All in all, a family picture, just not of a happy one. _Innit too familiar boy?_

I pulled out the chair and lift my feet on the desk. I sighed loudly as my hands massaged my knees. "Holy crap how beaten down I am." I snorted and shook my head in amusement. _Vicodin looks better everyday huh? Matt?_ I accommodated the knee brace on my left knee and stood up.

"No matter how well stocked up was that market… Food ain't gonna last so long," I interrupted whatever conversation was held in the food closet. I leaned against the doorframe as Hershel and Lori turned to look at me. "I'm not from 'roun' here… So I dunno what the wildlife can give us…" I cleared my throat.

"Well I'll make sure to ask Daryl," Hershel addressed calmly as he made an inventory of the cans, "Maybe he can go tomorrow or in the next few days–"

"Bu–" I raised a hand to stop him.

"We– We're standing good with all these," He flipped the can in his hand.

"But maybe– maybe we should get more now– I mean, winter is getting closer… Shouldn't we like, be prepared for it?" Lori added nervously. I couldn't help but notice that she rubbed her belly as she spoke.

"Thing is, ol– Hershel, in case ya haven't heard…" I swaggered into the room with my hands in my pockets, "Gun practice's gonna be held today. Don't think any animals will stay close 'round to enjoy." I raised a brow, "Plus, there'll be more walkers tonight…" I looked at Hershel intently while he was in deep thought.

"I'm gonna go and talk to Rick about this." He said and nodded at himself. "I'll send Beth to help you with the list." He added to Lori as he finally stood up and left the room.

I looked up, closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. _You sumbitch made it. _I smirked and nodded before I opened my eyes again. I squinted when I caught Lori staring at me. Then the loud but careful footsteps of Beth against the wooden floor were heard. And still, Lori and I stared at each other. I could have held it in longer, but something inside told me there was no use, not in front of her at least. I raised a palm and grabbed a handful of hair that covered my forehead.

And just like that I dropped my guard and let her see the pain in my eyes. And she saw… How bloodshot my eyes were, how swollen; so full of fear and so tired of being strong for so long. Countless times I've seen those eyes. Reflected in mirrors, water, knives, anything.

"You did it on purpose?" Lori sounded astonished but not thoroughly so. I shrugged. "Matt honey," I sensed the pity in her voice, but it didn't bother me as much as the other's. "I need the both of them too, I know I'm mostly responsible for Shane's death," I flinched, "And Andrea and I had our good and bad moments, but that doesn't mean I don't miss them, or that I don't remember them anymore…" Beth's footsteps were louder. She was getting closer. The conversation had to end. "But as hard as it is, we have to move on. We can't stop surviving. They won't be forgotten, I promise."

"You know…" My jaw clenched at the sound of her dreamy voice. I've miscounted again, and she heard our conversation. Again. "Andrea once said to me, that pain doesn't go away. You just make room for it…" Beth stepped inside the room. "I guess she didn't…" She shrugged slowly, "Warn us… About the size of the room." She looked at me with those puppy eyes of her, and I found out that her pity also didn't bother me. _Come on Kat. Since when d'you get along with women?_ "My daddy said you need help with the inventory." Her tone immediately changed as she looked at Lori and knelt beside her.

Lori blinked a few times. "W–well yeah, thank you." Her brown eyes fixated on mine and she mouthed 'Stay'. And so I did.

* * *

><p>"T-Dog man, I think we're startin' ta stink." I said while I dropped some logs and debris in the fire pit we built.<p>

"Well… It's been 'bout a month since our last shower. I actually thought we'd be ok with the cold wave that hit us 'bout a week ago…" T-Dog replied as we crossed paths.

I looked up to the sky, "Pfft… Whatever hint of last week's 'cold wave' is gone. We're fuckin' burnin' again. Fuckin' sucks not havin' water."

"That pit ready?!" A loud southern drawl was heard from the woods ahead of me. I looked back quickly at T-Dog and as I turned my head to look at the woods, Daryl made his glorious appearance with a bunch of furry animals strapped to his shoulders. "Gonna need sum help skinnin' these sumbitches." He added while he adjusted the rope full of squirrels.

I cursed inside. "Imma– Imma call Carol sh–" T-Dog said behind me. I slightly shook my head. _She ain't that good. It ain' she who he wants._ I liked to believe that T-Dog knew Daryl's intentions and my reluctance; I didn't know where he'd get that idea, but it was something I liked to believe in. "She's–"

"Matt," Daryl stated as he nodded towards one of the logs settled around the fire pit. _Fuck. Me._ He then made his way towards it and slumped the squirrels on the ground. "Carol! Got us sum squirrels! C'mere!"

I turned to face T-Dog with a most annoyed face. "You gotta be kiddin' me." T-Dog only shrugged and prepared to light the fire. I stomped to the opening Daryl came from and reattached the wire walls we lifted as security measures. I breathed in deeply and slowly walked towards the dead squirrels. "If it'll be like this every time he brings back game, Rick 'n' I'll have to talk again. I didn't agree ta this." I mumbled under my breath.

It took about two or three 'words' with Rick to get me to agree working with Daryl again. And I tried to recall each of them every time Daryl came from the forest with food, or every time Daryl required my assistance in his trips. Rick had stated that after Daryl, I was the next best thing with knives and 'other sharp objects', so I was supposed to help him in order to speed up the process of our daily routine. I had snorted and shook my head at his remark.

"Wha'?" I looked up immediately befuddled. I frowned and tilted my head at him to repeat himself. "Said wha'?" Daryl repeated impatient. He wiped his nose with the back of his armed hand. _Gross._ "Ain' happy with yer chore?" he then added in a mocking tone. "Mighta wanna talk ta Rick if y–"

"It ain' none o' yer business." I barked back at him. My eyes focused on Carol for a second and I caught her frowning deeply at me. There was no knife in her hand, for her task was to thoroughly clean the skinless squirrels and make them edible. "What ye lookin' at? Don't fuckin' need this." Abruptly I stood up and walked away from Daryl and Carol. _Forgot yer bucket man. 'nother chit chat with Rick ain' gonna be fun._ "Ugh." I turned around, picked up my bucket and then sat two logs away from them.

Before resuming my activity, I took one look around town. In the past month, there had been many changes. Since the town's street was shaped as an upside down T, we built a wired fence around the bar's front street and closed it where the stores began on each side. The fence was held up in place by logs, which at the same time where steadied by small ditches. In time we also tied up some logs cross shaped and placed them alongside the fence. Their points were sharp so walkers got stuck in them every day.

Nevertheless, everything we'd built so far was dismountable. With a good heads start we could make the town look abandoned. Clear from walkers, but abandoned nonetheless. We made decent leave blankets that would cover both cars and entirely block the back entrance to the bar. We managed to break the stairs inside the bar so no one would dare climb it, but only those who knew how.

Without anyone finding out, except Lori and probably Beth, I managed to stretch the gun practice for a month.

"'m done," I muttered huskily as I dropped the bucket full of squirrels in front of Carol. I shot one quick look at Daryl and saw he was still at it. I let out one mocking snort and walked away from them. Once inside the bar I carefully climbed the stairs and ended up in the office room. "'sup boy," I drawled as my head popped up at the side of the rooftop. "Any changes?"

He shook his head but never dropped the binoculars. "There's just… Look," Carl passed me the binoculars. "I've seen it the entire day. It doesn't move… But…"

"I see it. It ain' a chimney…" I slowly replied while I tried to focus in the rising smoke about a mile away from us. "It's also too much for an engine… 's probably a fire…"

"Thought so too… Shouldn't we, um," he shifted in his place. "Keep our fire low?"

"Yeah… We don't wanna have any visitors huh?" I said and looked at him. He nodded. "Go, warn 'em." The scent of burning meat reached my nose and I looked at our fire. Carol was just placing the squirrels in sticks around it. And my eyes traveled all the way up to the cloud of smoke that was rising from our camp. "Now."


End file.
